Springfield Finally Names the ONE Person Not Welcome There
The city that welcomed thousands of immigrants draws a line at this guy
Sept. 18: Felon unwelcome in wholesome, diverse Ohio town … EXCLUSIVE: Springfield official calls out another Vance lie … Israel cited as perpetrator of insane exploding-pager plot … Trump’s Arlington breach under investigation …
Ten years ago, the city of Springfield, OH, passed a resolution declaring itself a welcoming city. It had no policy implications beyond being the municipal equivalent of a neighbor saying, “Howya doin?” but in a non-creepy way.
But for months right-wing people have been suggesting that this resolution — similar to scores passed by other towns — is somehow the magic Wonka ticket that brought thousands of Haitian immigrants to this one specific city out of all the cities in America, welcoming or otherwise.
Well, yesterday Springfield identified the one person in America who’s not welcome. On Sunday, NBC reported that former Pres. Donald Trump plans to visit Springfield “soon.”
Here’s how Springfield Mayor Rob Rue, a Republican, responded at a news conference yesterday:
“It would be an extreme strain on our resources. So it’d be fine with me if they decided not to make that visit.”
Trump, of course, has already strained the beleaguered city’s resources, by giving birth live on stage to one million memes with his false claim about Springfield’s Haitians (cue music): “They're eating the dogs… They're eating the cats. They're eating -- they're eating the pets of the people that live there.”
Republicans have suggested Springfield itself is to blame — “inviting” Haitians there, providing social services and good-paying jobs. Dozens of right-wing threats have come in, forcing lockdowns and evacuations, with Gov. Mike DeWine (R-OH) bringing in the state police yesterday.
DeWine has been refreshingly forthright calling out the “garbage” lies about Springfield. Asked about a Trump visit, even DeWine suggested maybe Trump should stay in whatever shithole country he comes from.
He said of the threat of a visit by an ex-president that they’re “generally very, very welcomed” (italics added to emphasize the obvious implication that they’re less very, very welcomed when it’s Trump). But DeWine added, “I have to state the reality, though, that resources are really, really stretched here.”
It is, of course, a serious breach of current Republican etiquette to reject a Trump visit or to state the reality.
But if Trump balks at the Springfield, Republican die-hards can take solace in another upcoming arrival tomorrow. And, yes, they’ll be welcoming yet another person of color during this visit.
Brace yourselves, Springfield, you’re about to get Vivek Ramaswamyed!
Springfield Official Debunks Another Vance Lie
EXCLUSIVE Remember on Monday the Jonathan Larsen Substack — to which all die-hard Newsfuckers should subscribe — reported exclusively that Vance falsely claimed that a third of the county health budget in Springfield, OH, went to providing free services to Haitian “illegal immigrants?”
ALSO EXCLUSIVE Well, yesterday, the same Jonathan Larsen Substack to which Newsfuckers should subscribe got exclusive comment from Clark County Health Commissioner Chris Cook. “There’s a lot wrong with that statement,” Cook told me when I emailed him Vance’s claim. “It’s not accurate.”
You can read yesterday’s exclusive article for details on the multiple Vance wrongnesses, and some encouraging sentiments from Cook. But, man, this one little city certainly does not seem at all welcoming…to lies.
Israel Kills 9, 11, 12, Injures 2,600 in Most Upfucked Terrorist Attack Since, Uh, You Know
Multiple reports say it was Israel that planted explosives in hundreds of pagers and detonated them yesterday, killing at least 12 people, leaving 170 in critical condition, and wounding more than 2,600 others. Injuries include severe injuries to eyes and hands, with Lebanon’s health minister reporting multiple amputations.
The explosions were reported in Lebanon and Syria, but who knows where else. The intended target was Hezbollah, the militant group with ties to Iran. Fatalities include militant health-care workers with ties to Iran and two militant children with ties to Iran, one of them a 9-year-old militant girl with ties to Iran.
Israel has not confirmed that it intercepted a pager shipment and inserted explosives in a tragic misinterpretation of the phrase “killer app.” But it seems like something Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, seen below, would approve.
Hezbollah reportedly had resorted to pagers out of fear that Israel had compromised their more high-tech phones or out of nostalgia for 1980s cop shows.
Reportedly, the brand of pager was Gold Apollo™, but in a powerful confirmation that brands don’t mean shit any more (and isn’t that the real terrorism?) Gold Apollo™ said in a statement that it had absolutely zero fucking jack-all shit to do with making these fucking explodey things. That’s not even an option on standard Gold Apollo™ pagers!
Sponsored Content
Gold Apollo™ Pagers! Because We Had Zero Fucking Jack-All Shit To Do With It!
The pagers were actually made in Hungary by BAC Consulting KFT, owned by the historic BAC Consulting KFT family dynasty of Luxembourg, a shell company, apparently, according to an AP report.
So localize your supply chain, people!
What remains unclear — in addition to everything — is how Israel ensured that the hundreds of explosive pagers didn’t fall into/blow off the wrong hands. Or that no one carrying a pager was, fer instance, on a plane at the time which is why I can’t stress enough the importance of airplane mode.
By some accounts, the pagers exploded almost simultaneously, although at least one report said it continued for almost an hour, possibly because some were not on when the original trigger signal went out.
The unprecedented attack could lead to the escalation of tensions and ongoing sporadic conflict between Israel and Hezbollah, mostly because it is an escalation. It also probably violates 14 million international and U.S. laws, meaning Israel is in for a very sternly worded letter of concern, let me tell you!
The bombings also caused chaos in phone- and pager-company marketing departments around the world. But apparently we’ve become inured to insane shit like this, because how is the fact that Israel just pulled off the most James Bond, Dark Knight-subplot terrorist shit not the lead story in every news outlet right now?
At least your ambitious TFN has an excuse: The abject failure to come up with a good headline.
“Israel Asks ‘Can You Hear Me Now?’”
“Netanyahu on Line Two”
See? Not great!
Trump, Self-Professed IVF Leader, Impotent to Protect IVF
Former Pres. Donald Trump is the leader of the Republican Party and of in vitro fertilization (IVF), even though that’s only his second-favorite method of fertilization. His first being “I promise I’ll pull out.”
Well, yesterday, Trump failed to lead the party he leads to protect the cause he’s a leader of. Senate Democrats introduced a bill that would establish a federal right for people to use IVF, and would require private health insurance to cover IVF and other fertility treatments.
That insurance coverage, of course, is exactly what Trump just promised as part of his presidential campaign despite not even pretending to try to make it happen as part of his four-year presidenting.
So who killed it after it was delivered to the floor by Democrats? Senate Republicans, obviously.
The vote was 51-44, which would mean the bill would pass in a democracy. But thanks to yet another toxic vestige of slavery, the filibuster, bills need 60 votes to overcome Republican opposition.
The only Republicans to break ranks and vote for the thing that the Republican Party wants voters to believe it wants were Sens. Susan Collins (R-ME) and Lisa Murkowski (R-AK). As Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) rightly noted, IVF has more Republican groups working against it than it has leftover embryos.
As the Washington Post’s Catherine Rampell pointed out, Sen. JD “Make Babies!” Vance (R-OH) didn’t even show up for the vote. Absentee fathers, amirite?
Media Blast Harris for Doing What They Say Trump Should Do: Stay On Script
For weeks months nine years now, the media have described Donald Trump as going off-message. Yesterday, Vice President Kamala Harris spoke to the National Association of Black Journalists. And even though she clearly literally did not have a script, the media reported that she stayed on it. And not in a good way.
Here’s the Politico headline:
The news was that Harris declined to create free content for the media. Here’s how Politico topped its story, with emphasis added to highlight the implicit assumption (dare we say bias?) that presidential candidates are obliged to say newsworthy things and should be scolded when they do not:
“Kamala Harris largely stuck to her script during an interview Tuesday with a panel of National Association of Black Journalists members, carefully parrying questions about hot-button issues like the war in Gaza, reparations and other critical election topics.
“It was the vice president’s second high-profile national media interview since announcing her presidential run, and though she spoke passionately at times about abortion rights and other policies, she did not break much ground or stray far from her talking points during the near hour-long conversation.”
“Though she spoke passionately at times” is code for, “At least give us emotion to write about.”
But how long have media been complaining that Trump goes off-message? Here’s a hint, if anyone even remembers 2018 anymore:
What Harris is doing by staying on-message — disciplined, even, as KHive might say — is undermining the public belief in the need for corporatist news. Because as long as corporatist news outlets keep focusing on issues that are either predictable or irrelevant to the issues that affect people’s material lives, it’ll be easy to carefully parry them.
And if they don’t bring any new policies to the table to ask Harris about — because Twitter hasn’t yet told them to — is that Harris’s fault, or the media’s? Gaze into the abyss and the abyss gazes also into you, motherfuckers!
Harris, for instance, was asked yesterday about Trump and Sen. JD Vance (R-OH) drawing threats against Springfield, OH, with their lies about the city. Predictably, she said little to derail her campaign’s message, saying. “It’s a crying shame. I mean, my heart breaks for this community.” Referring specifically to a school evacuation, she said, “Children, children. A whole community put in fear.”
Politico characterized it as her “most animated response.” I’m sorry, do we want an animated president? Did America not already cancel the last White House cartoon after four years?
REMINDER The International Brotherhood of Teamsters presidential endorsement is expected as soon as today. The Teamsters met with Harris this week and Trump back in January. Nailbiter!
Trump Faces Payback from the Grave(s)
Remember how the United States military — the most powerful, heavilyest-armed fighting force in the history of human fighting — allowed an overweight elderly man and a task force of a handful of campaign operatives to overrun a military facility and desecrate the graves of U.S. veterans even though the Army knew the invasion was coming?
And then did nothing about it, because apparently they’ve never read TFN’s hoary slogan: The greatest threat isn’t those who violate norms, but those who refuse to defend them. Remember all that?
Well, apparently, some cops have other plans.
Unnamed sources tell ABCNews that federal law-enforcement officers tasked to a military base adjacent to Arlington National Cemetery are investigating the incident, in which former Pres. Donald Trump and his entourage forced their way through Arlington’s defenses and used the cemetery for his campaign. Illegally.
It’s important to note the bureaucratic distinction here. Arlington is run by the Army. But law enforcement at the facility is handled not by military police, but by federal law-enforcement at the base next door.
Which means the Army’s public surrender statement that the matter is closed does not preclude those feds from investigating. Which they are.
The Battle of Arlington may not be lost, Newsfuckers in arms! Semper fuck!
Gratuitous Rage Bait
Part of TFN’s mission is to filter out adrenalin-spiking outrage-shit that even well-read, informed news consumers and citizens of the world do not need burning up their precious neurons or axions or whatever.
So, in scouring the news, TFN soaks up that toxic shit for you, filtering it out. TFN suffers to save your metaphorical souls. Yes, like Jesus, but for news.
But, like Jesus, who had His moments of doubt and temptation, I am not perfect. And so today I feel compelled to share with you — that you might know my rage — this clip of Sen. John Kennedy (R-LA) questioning a witness at a Senate hearing on rising hate crimes against Jewish and Arab people.
Kennedy apparently thought the purpose of the hearing was to commit hate crimes. At least when the witness speaking was Arab American Institute Executive Director Maya Berry, who is not a terrorist but might once have had a pager.
Here’s some of Kennedy’s questioning, not including his demands that she answer, which he issued by talking over her while she was answering:
“You support Hamas, do you not?”
“You support Hezbollah too, don’t you?”
“Do you support or oppose Iran, and their hatred of Jews?”
As Kennedy might not be aware, since face noises were still coming out of his gumbo orifice, Berry said clearly and unequivocally that she does not support them, terror bad, blah blah blah.
TCB
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Go get ‘em, kids!
Senator Foghorn Leghorn went to UVa Law School and Oxford University. He could turn off the phony accent anytime he wanted.
Re issues to cover: Reactions to Israel policy from its opponents in Israel and in other countries. It's especially important to point out that many Jews are highly critical of the right wing extremist government and are adamant about separating themselves from apartheid, genocide, discrimination and expulsion going back to 1948.