Democrats Fight for Truth and Democracy Against, Uh, Democrats

The Democratic Party is blaming a non-existent law for the rush to nominate Biden

July 17: Dems cry foul over early nomination … Dems admit Sanders was 2020 target … Biden eyes Supreme Court term limits … Vance no longer has his periods …

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Democratic National Committee Chair Jaime Harrison, arguing against Pres. Joe Biden stepping aside. (Screengrab / MSBNC video.)

While Republicans are capturing the spotlight this week uniting behind a man pretty much all of them recently warned was a threat to the party and the country, Democrats are savaging each other over how best to stop him. Because democracy is messy and involves fighting over how you fight for democracy!

Here’s what’s going on.

A group of unnamed House Democrats reportedly is gathering signatures for a letter to ask the Democratic National Committee (DNC) not to nominate Pres. Joe Biden by a virtual vote before the August convention.

The DNC rulemaking committee meets Friday, and could set a date for a virtual roll call then.

Nothing would happen until after Sunday, when the DNC convention committee is expected to meet.

One (1) source told the AP that the virtual voting process could then start as early as Monday, with a final tally by the 29th, a week later. Others (?) have said it would play out later than this.

DNC Chair Jaime Harrison yesterday poured cold water on this, saying, “The suggestion that the timeline for the virtual roll call has been accelerated is false.”

According to Axios, the DNC will train state party chairs on virtual voting next week, with voting to run from July 29 through Aug. 5. 

The Biden campaign has given Aug. 6 as a deadline to finish the virtual nominating. Why Aug. 6?

Because that was Ohio’s deadline to get a nominee on Ohio’s ballots. Emphasis on was.

Ohio lawmakers (Republicans) hit ⌘-Z on the state’s Aug. 6 deadline, passing new legislation establishing that whoever Democrats nominate at their convention will get the party’s ballot slot on the November ballot.

Biden Deputy Campaign Manager Quentin Fulks said yesterday that um yeah okay no but the virtual roll call is still needed because uh Ohio Republicans could, y’know uh, Shift-⌘-Z their undo and redo the Aug. 6 deadline.

Ohio’s (Republican) secretary of state’s office snarked in response yesterday that “Democrat proxies … should stop trying to scapegoat Ohio for their own party’s dysfunction.”

The letter from House members to the DNC will argue that it’s a “terrible idea” to hold an early vote while the party is still vigorously debating whether Biden is capable of vigorously debating.

Rep. Jared Huffman (D-CA), who’s leading the 2024 House project to counter Project 2025, said the letter’s signatories include members who think Biden should step aside and members concerned about Biden but undecided on how to move forward. Which, of course, will be decided for them if the DNC votes early.

And which the DNC could fairly argue was already decided when Democrats chose Biden in the primaries. Which critics could fairly argue were undemocratically tilted toward Biden and included an undemocratic zero candidate debates. Which the DNC could rightly argue was their and Biden’s prerogative to exercise. Which I would correctly note is how we got here — by exercising the power to be undemocratic.

And even some Biden delegates don’t want the vote moved up. One from Maryland is lobbying her state delegates not to let the DNC “put in the fix”...for her own candidate.

Meanwhile, allegations are emerging of another DNC — or at least Dem establishment — fib. Jacobin’s Branko Marcetic rounds up recent concessions/accusations by Democrats, including the establishment, that the push to nominate Biden in 2020 was less about stopping then-Pres. Donald Trump than it was about stopping then-now-and-forever democratic socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT).

Here’s Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA):

“Joe Biden was not picked in 2020 because he was the only person that could beat Trump. He was picked because he was the only person that could beat Bernie Sanders, rightly or wrongly. … That conclusion was made, okay?”

Here’s ultimate Democratic Party centrist, corporatist insider former Rep. Harold Ford (D-TN), hypothetically addressing Biden during an appearance on Fox (of course):

“I was an elite that supported you in 2020, and said that we should do everything we possibly could do to advantage you against Bernie Sanders, because I thought Bernie Sanders’ politics were detrimental to the party and to the country.”

The bleakest interpretation of this is that Democratic Party elites mobilized to undemocratically in 2020 to stop a popular candidate — whose politics are the same ones that made northern Europe healthy and prosperous for decades — and are now undemocratically protecting their unpopular candidate in 2024. To protect democracy.

Actually, the bleakest interpretation is that they’re doing this for the benefit of their corporatist, capitalist patrons. (Except, as the New York Times reports (gift link), some of those billionaire patrons are leveraging their billions to get Biden out.)

The unbleakest interpretation is that party elites are doing this because they think Biden is best positioned to beat Trump. In reality land, the Democratic establishment is not monolithic and contains multitudes of positions on the messy spectrum ranging from bleakest scenario to unbleakest.

So what’s Biden doing democratically to bolster his Democratic support? What Democrats always do when they’re desperate enough to respond to the popular will: Moving left, just as he did in 2020. To wit…

Biden Floats Radical Supreme Court Reforms

Centrist House Democrats are worried about the effect Pres. Joe Biden will have on their re-election hopes, which is why so many have joined the call for him to step aside. So, Axios reports, Biden is mollifying his party’s left flank with a barrage of proposals that he could have barraged three years ago.

Most recently, there’s his call for capping rent hikes for corporate-owned apartments, years after rents began soaring, and minus a ban on corporations owning residential apartment units period. Biden’s proposal was applauded by Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), who along with Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has backed Biden staying in the race.

As has the Congressional Progressive Caucus. “It’s not a complete coincidence” that Biden is shoveling out progressive policies, Rep. Brad Sherman (D-CA) said. 

Including, even more most recently, floating the idea of radically reforming the deformed Supreme Court.

Reportedly, because Biden’s people made it reportable, Biden is considering proposing term limits for the Supreme Court, and an ethics code enforceable by law so the court can’t do things like make the law unenforceable for presidents. Biden is expected to announce his proposed reforms in the coming weeks.

The proposals stand no chance in the current Congress, but dangling Supreme Court changes could motivate voters in the hope that Democrats will deliver reform if voters deliver the House and Senate. So transactional, yo!

Biden also reportedly is considering launching a campaign to ratify a Constitutional amendment with language along the lines of: “Hear ye, hear ye, let it be known throughout the land that all the laws apply to Donald Trump. Thanks.”

The amendment would, of course, actually apply to all presidents, current and former. It’s just that Trump is the only one ever literally to say publicly that he’s incapable of doing the job without criming.

If you’re wondering where The Fucking News Editorial Board stands on all of this, I, uh, I mean Editorial We, see it as a diversion. Yes, legally binding non-corruption rules for the Supreme Court are an unalloyed good, albeit messy in the question of enforceability. While presidents and Congresses have checks on each other, the Supreme Court has largely stood untouchable (except by billionaire donors obvi).

But term limits often backfire. People seemed pretty unhappy when Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was term-limited by biology.

The real, annoying solution is politics. Democracy functions when it has an educated populace. Democrats keep rejecting popular policies and amplifying toxic narratives. People are howling for systemic change and Republicans are the only ones bothering even to lip-service it with bullshit.

You get the leadership you deserve, and term limits doesn’t change that, just the faces of it. Fixing our politics by championing inclusive economic populism is the only solution. (Unless I’m missing something.)

Republicans Unite Around Trump

No one will give a shit by this afternoon which of former Pres. Donald Trump’s one-time rivals gave him a tongue bath on stage yesterday, but I do want to flag how our corporate media see this. In contrast to the glorious, democratic mess of Democratic in-fighting that I inventoried above, Republicans have now coalesced around Trump.

It was gloriously poetic, on the convention day dedicated to the lie that crime is high, to witness one Republican after another lie about how much they love the criminal they’re nominating for president.

But because the lies about that criminal mean no more fighting, the newspaper of record, the New York Times, puts in a front-page headline this morning that this is a functioning party.

Uniting around Trump, without any opposition, according to the Times, is a sign of a functioning political party. In a democracy!

Look on NYT’s wonders, ye mighty Newsfuckers, and despair:

Menendez Convicted of Felony Menendezing

Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ) yesterday became the third-most famous of the criminal Menendezi. Unlike the Menendez brothers, who killed their parents 35 years ago next month, Menendez only killed his political career and aided and abetted the slow, lingering death of the ethical reputation of New Jersey Democrats.

Menendez was convicted on all 16 counts of both doing the following shit and conspiring to do the following shit:

• Acting as a foreign agent for Egypt.

• Bribery.

• Obstruction of justice.

• Extortion.

Menendez has said all along that he’ll appeal if he lost, which he will cuz he did. In theory, the Supreme Court could overturn Menendez’s conviction, because senators are kinda like presidents.

He hasn’t said yet whether he’ll keep going with his re-election campaign, as an independent. If he does, he could prove to be a spoiler, messing things up for candidate Rep. Andy Kim (D-NJ), and possibly costing Democrats the Senate at a time when they could really use a senate.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) yesterday called on Menendez to resign. Gov. Phil Murphy (D-NJ) has, too. Of course, there’s no reason to think Menendez won’t do what’s best for the country. So there’s that.

And Now, Some Trivial Bullshit

Yesterday, your humble but flawed TFN deadnamed the new Republican vice presidential nominee. Although the United States Congress identifies him as J. D. Vance, it turns out his preferred proper noun is JD Vance.

It’s not clear exactly when Vance had grammatical surgery on his name, but following his transition, he no longer has his periods.

As recently as 2016, his own book about his own alleged life credited him as “J. D. Vance.”

Unlike Pres. Harry S Truman — who didn’t have a period because he was a man and the “S” didn’t actually stand for something — Vance has actual, legal names that just happen to coincide with his initials.

But then, he’s been identity-fluid for most of his adult life. He switched from thoughtful critic of Donald Trump to thoughtless lickspittle of Donald Trump. As your humble TFN chronicled yesterday — but I still haven’t seen in any other nomination coverage — Vance also transitioned from Protestant to atheist to non-denominational to a pope-like socially conscious Catholic to a cardinal-like conservative Catholic.

He was born James David Vance, which one would abbreviate as follows: “J.D. Vance.” WAIT, this just handed me…Vance was actually born James David Hamel. Wait, sorry, breaking news, Vance was really born James Donald Bowman.

So that’s, what, four identity transitions in name alone? Plus one political transition and, I dunno, another four for magic beliefs? For a guy who says identity isn’t fluid, Vance seems to have new names on a running tap.

First Vance swapped Bowman for Hamel because his Mom married a Hamel who adopted him. And he swapped the Donald to David because what kind of fuckin’ goofy-ass name is Donald?

But apparently Hamel didn’t adopt Vance enough. Because when HamelVance got married in 2014, he changed his identity again, transitioning to marriage and away from Hamel, swapping in the Vance surname of the grandparents who raised him even though you’re supposed to be raised by your biological parents, no matter how abusive.

At some point, James David then became J.D., presumably with the help of hormonal therapy. And now, thanks to his attentive identity-affirming self-care, we’re all supposed to call him JD. Presumably pronounced Jəd. 

And now that JD Vance has removed the periods from “J.D.” we can say for sure that JD doesn’t stand for anything.

Sweet Dessert

A commitment to high-minded journalism — sprinkled with low-class language — doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! So here’s a tasty little treat from yesterday’s Republican National Convention.

Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) was mocking Democrats because “They can’t even define what a woman is” when … his voice broke. Like a man!

Now, normally I’ve got no time for this kind of gender-normative policing bullshit. But when those same gender-normative cops break their own laws, well, here it is, fresh from our dessert menu.

Meet Your Republican National Convention, America!

Who’s ready for Day Three of the Republican National Convention, Newsfuckers?!? 

The “REAGAN” movie screenings continue, going on now for almost as long as the Reagan presidency. Another movie goes up on the RNC marquee today: “Rescue Mission: Saving America Starring President Donald J. Trump.”

And we’ve got a third movie about Republican leaders: “Theocracy of Terror”! Oh, wait, that’s about Iran. (I love that they have to add “of Terror” to clarify that this theocracy, Islamic theocracy, is bad.)

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) has scheduled a book signing in between book bannings. The European Union is hosting Europe Night, presumably because a Trump/Vance administration will mean goodnight Europe or at least eastern Europe. (I’m kidding, Europe will be mostly fine!)

The Republican Party’s remaining ride-or-die Log Cabin Republicans are holding a Big Tent event even though Leviticus says clearly that Big Tents are an abomination in the eyes of God.

The online schedule doesn’t say where the tech bro CryptoRNC event will be held, because it’s secret. Because that’s how transparent digital currencies work, folks! The Black Conservative Federation closes out the night with “Kicks and Cocktails.”

Inside the convention hall today, the official theme is Make America Strong Once Again, which = Republicans shitting on the U.S. military, which is bad and unpatriotic when Democrats do it because Democrats. The GOP platform for strengthening America includes forcing Americans to pay higher prices on goods made in China and weakening America’s allies in Europe as they stand up against Russia.

Mea Fuckulpa

I don’t remember what I was writing about yesterday, but I used a Jurassic Park gif of the main dinosaur-hunter dude, in which he happened to be holding a rifle, as a reader pointed out. My bad. I changed it in the online version.

Another reader flagged that Snopes has debunked my persistent belief that Donald Trump’s ear was not clipped by a bullet but shredded by Teleprompter shrapnel.

This is annoying to me because I enjoyed it when that theory was still bunked and because I want to believe it was a Teleprompter shard. Because poetry.

It’s still fucked up that we haven’t had a proper medical briefing on what precisely happened to the former and potentially future presidential ear. It would be nice, for instance, to learn that he can’t hear the right anymore, but either way, we should know exactly what happened and how.

Nevertheless, according to Snopes, the Teleprompters were intact, which means my theory isn’t. And because we here at TFN do the hard work of believing the science, I apparently now believe Trump was struck by a bullet. 

(Is it too late to ask whether his injuries could’ve been caused just by the heat and shock wave of a bullet passing close by?)

TCB

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Go get ‘em, kids. You got this. (Or at least some of you got some of this, so together WE got this…)