March 17: Judge forces return of science-era vaccine recommendations … State Department eyes plan to get Zambia’s precious minerals by withholding AIDS medication, in case anyone thought this administration incapable of mining new depths of horror … Trump says he’s cool with communist dictatorship as long as communist dictatorship is cool with U.S. capitalism … Hegseth commits war crime on video, denying Democrats ability to stall by demanding more information, cuz he literally just gave them video of it …
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After decades of tragic Kennedy losses due to bullets, a plane, and cancer, America on Monday finally saw a Kennedy struck down in a way that united the nation in something other than grief and mourning for a future we would never have been allowed to have anyway.
A federal judge temporarily struck down Health (sic) and Human (sic) Services (HHS) Secretary Robert Flopsweat Kennedy, Jr.,’s narrowed vaccine recommendations.
In January, Kennedy ordered an end to longstanding recommendations that all children be vaccinated against the flu, rotavirus, RSV, some forms of meningitis, and some letters of hepatitis.
Monday’s ruling is only in effect until a trial or summary judgment, but Judge Brian Murphy offered a grim prognosis for Kennedy, calling it likely that the former (?) drug dealer had violated the law not by dealing drugs this time, but in the way he constituted his vaccine-recommendation panel, the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP), to stack ACIP with people who don’t recommend vaccines. Calling it likely makes it likely Murphy will still feel that way when the final ruling comes.
Kennedy, Republicans who confirmed him would prefer you not recall, lied during his confirmation and said he wouldn’t fuck with vaccines, so that Republican senators would vote for him. It is the first known instance of a rich, privileged, white guy lying to get what they want.
Monday’s ruling put a temporary stop to a range of Kennedy insanity (not including the dark magic he exerts over a tiny cohort of younger women who swoon at the sound of his, um, voice):
Paused the reduction in recommended child vaccines
Canceled1 this week’s meeting of the Kennedy-appointed ACIP panel
Revived federal recommendation of COVID vaccines for pregnant women and most kids.
Murphy wrote that “the Government [fuckin’ Kennedy] removed all duly appointed members of ACIP and summarily replaced them without undertaking any of the rigorous screening that had been the hallmark of ACIP member selection for decades [before fuckin’ Kennedy]." Murphy cited “a substantial likelihood that the newly appointed ACIP fails to comport with governing law."
The lawsuit behind this was filed by those crazy, wild-eyed radicals at the American Academy of Pediatrics. Thirty states have rejected at least some of the Kennedy HHS wreckommendations, not only breaking with the feds but establishing their own standards that look a lot like the pre-Kennedy ones.
CHERRY-PICKING Internal memos disclosed as part of a lawsuit reveal just how bad Kennedy appointees are at doing science things.
According to The Guardian, the memos set the stage for HHS policy changes on vaccines, which are not supposed to be made via memos. (h/t)
The memos in question “missed 99% of the data on the topic,” according to one former outside advisor who’s now outside the process entirely thanks to Kennedy. Missing 99% of data is believed to be just 1% away from missing 100% of all the data, according to biased special interests who own calculators.
Give Us Your Minerals Or We’ll Give You AIDS
The State Department is considering a plan to help U.S. companies get Zambian minerals by threatening to give 1.3 million people AIDS.
The U.S. has its eye on Zambian copper, lithium, and cobalt and, in the plan, would kill 1.3 million people to get it even though it’s not theirs. If approved, it would be the first U.S. mining project to reach actual Hell.
It’s believed to be the world’s largest and most morally obscene Mafia shakedown racket and the largest wholesale transmission to date by Pres. Donald Trump of a sexually transmitted disease.
The New York Times obtained the draft memo, prepared for Secretary of State Marco Rubio, that would, if implemented, officially make America a vile monster.
“We will only secure our priorities by demonstrating willingness to publicly take support away from Zambia on a massive scale,” according to the memo’s unnamed author whose day today consists primarily of praying we never, ever un-unname them.
U.S. aid currently provides daily HIV treatment for 1.3 million people in Zambia, who just might have to get full-blown AIDS and die if that’s what it takes to “secure our priorities.”
The plan, which could go into effect as soon as May, would also threaten to kill tens of thousands of people with tuberculosis and malaria.
According to the memo, apparently written in dry, euphemistic language to mask the Lovecraftian horror at its eldritch core, says, “[S]harp public cuts to American foreign assistance would significantly demonstrate to aid-receiving countries the seriousness of our interest in collaboration [sic] and our insistence on tangible benefits under our America First foreign policy.” The memo has not yet been approved, but appears to comply with Pres. Donald Trump’s criminal and lifelong “insistence on tangible benefits.”
As The Bible says, for what shall it profiteth a man if he shall insist on the whole world’s tangible benefits?
The policy would represent a switch from last year, when the Trump administration drastically cut public health globally without insisting on any tangible benefits to show for it except 600,000 dead people and some extra money to blow on wars.
Ironically, the Times reports that the U.S. wants Zambia to crack down on corruption that makes it harder for U.S. companies to invest and compete, because U.S. law limits just how corrupt U.S. companies can be overseas.
I say “Ironically” because Trump last year paused enforcement of U.S. anti-foreign-corruption laws, then reduced prosecution of foreign corrupt practices, and also made a shit-ton of money off his own foreign corrupt practices.
Trump Tries to Swipe Right-Wing on Cuba
The United States reportedly has told Cuban officials to replace their figurehead with democracy a new figurehead.
The United States is currently and also illegally starving Cuba by preventing oil from coming in, to prove that socialism can never work when a neighboring superpower lays siege to it.
Cuba hasn’t gotten new shipments of oil in three months and on Monday experienced yet another major blackout, proving that socialism can also never work when it’s the subject of a superpower oil embargo.
Trump wants Cuban President Miguel Díaz-Canel to step down so that capitalism can step up and extract any vestigial Cuban wealth. Trump is not demanding elections, the way he didn’t demand elections in Venezuela, and isn’t demanding them in Iran and isn’t so hot on them here at home.
Trump’s not even demanding an end to communism, so apparently the White House does think it can work when it’s not starved by a superpower. Instead, all Trump wants is a new figurehead. (And a release of political prisoners.)
The Cuban military and the Castro family can keep their shared autocracy, Trump has said. So what’s the point, if not freedom? Here’s the New York Times:
“[T]he talks are focused on having Cuba gradually open its economy to American businesspeople and companies — laying the groundwork for a client state — while getting a few symbolic political wins for Mr. Trump to announce.”
Trump said Monday that he sees Cuba the way he sees heteronormatively attractive women: As things to take. “Whether I free it, take it, I think I could do anything I want with it,” Trump said, reminding people why he was best friends with Jeffrey Epstein.
Raul Castro’s grandson, Raúl Guillermo Rodríguez Castro, has been in direct talks with Cuban-American Secretary of State Marco Rubio.
One scenario emerging: If Díaz-Canel does step down, the government would then be controlled by Raul Castro’s grandson, Raúl Guillermo Rodríguez Castro. Not directly, of course, because even Americans might notice that whole “Castro” thing in his name.
According to a source, Cuba would instead be led by, in the New York Times’s words, “another figure who does not bear the Castro last name officially holding office.”
A figure … heading the government. Almost like a figurehead!
If the plan succeeds it will mean Trump will have successfully swapped out Venezuela’s president for vice president, Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei for Ayatollah Khameni, and a Cuban president controlled by a Castro for a different president controlled by a Castro.
In short: Successfully protecting countries in three continents from the horrors of democracy. And selling out his Cuban supporters by preserving tyrannical communism as long the communist tyrants are willing to do business.
Hegseth Provides Evidence for Future Trial
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth last weekend gave his future defense attorneys a future headache.
Hegseth, on camera, pledged “no quarter, no mercy for our enemies,” which is a violation of international law, specifically, aggravated being a dick with dickishness aforethought. It’s even a crime to threaten giving no quarter.
And it’s not just an international crime, it’s even a real crime: An us crime in the U.S.!
Axios reports that the U.S. has prosecuted people for it. And by people I mean Nazis. The previous Nazis.
It’s even a literal, explicit crime in the Pentagon’s manual on how to do war shit. Not just the denying of quarter or mercy; just saying you will.
Not only is it bad morally, but like most (all?) morally bad things, it’s stupid af. And that doesn’t stand for Air Force.
The best way to get a losing enemy to stop killing your people and just give up is to give them quarter. Just one quarter will do.
But deny them quarter, promise no mercy, and you inspire the enemy to keep killing you until their last dying Hegsbreth.
The inconvenient part for Democrats is that there’s nothing they can demand answers about. The whole part of their process in which they say they need more information is already over.
We’ve skipped to the accountability part, Democrats.
Thou Shalt Not Hang the Ten Commandments in Schools
A federal judge on Monday kicked Old Testament God out of our schools, ending any hope of American immunity from school shootings and hurricanes.
U.S. District Judge Timothy Brooks on Monday guaranteed that he’ll never be able to display his face in Arkansas again by overturning a state law requiring public schools to display a government-approved version of The Ten Commandments in classrooms.
Brooks said that Arkansas legislators “may have lost sight of the fact that ‘a union of government and religion tends to destroy government and to degrade religion’,” which is judicial slang for telling ignorant medieval boobs to join the 20th century2.
“The law serves no educational purpose, as the State admits, and consequently deprives Plaintiffs of their rights," Brooks wrote. In fairness, many Arkansas schools were already known for serving no educational purpose.
The plaintiffs were families of multiple faiths, who covet child literacy. The Ten Commandments order people to worship the Guy who wrote them and not to draw pictures. Because morals.
Plaintiff Samantha Stinson said, “our children should receive their religious instruction at home and within our faith community, not from government officials.” Especially Arkansas government officials.
It’s not clear how many people would have actually been impacted by the law, as Arkansas’s literacy rate is just 77%.
Two Quickies
The Justice Department is making it official: They want prosecutors who don’t know what they’re doing. Unnamed sources tell Bloomberg that the department is waiving its requirement for new prosecutors to have any experience at that. Under presidents who knew what they were doing, the Justice Department required at least a year of experience prosecuting. The waiver, an internal memo says, “was implemented due to an exigent hiring need for attorneys across the Department.” Meaning: No one wants to work for the Trump Justice Department. Which is great news for everyone suing the Trump administration for not knowing what it’s doing.
The price of oil rose about three percent this morning, after dropping on Monday. That’s the stuff on boats which aren’t moving through the Strait of Hormuz. The price of the gross shit you pump into your car rose by seven cents Monday, hitting a national average of $3.79 per gallon.
Taking Action
The next No Kings rally is March 28. And this Thursday, Indivisible is holding a virtual organizing event that anyone can join. The kick-off call will be held at 8pm eastern time, and you can sign up here.
TCB
NEWSFUCKING IN THE WILD Check out my appearance on the Refuse Fascism podcast, where I wasn’t even offered any fascism.
Join me Thursday at noon, eastern, for free, right here, for “How To Save TV News: Doug Rushkoff.” Doug is a friend and a genius and he’s on Team Human.
On March 26, veteran TV news guy and TV non-news guy Paul Beban joins me at noon, eastern. You can put “How To Save TV News: Paul Beban” in your calendars with this link.
And on April 2 at noon eastern, please join me for “How To Save TV News: Lizz Winstead.” Lizz is also a friend, as well as a friend of abortion rights, and the co-founder of The Daily Show.
MEA CULPA I don’t recall when or where, but I’m pretty sure I’ve said or at least implied that presidential nominees can be filibustered. I belatedly checked myself on Monday and it seems that, no, they can’t. Sorry about that. If only because that means Republicans don’t need Democratic help confirming Sen. Markwayne Mullin (R-OK) as the new secretary of Homeland (sic) Security even though he sponsors an antisemitic Bible study, secretly helped deport hundreds of Venezuelans, and secretly helped election-conspiracy theorists with their election conspiracies.
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Go get ‘em, kids! A Kennedy didn’t get shot on Monday, but now we’ve got a shot at getting our shots…
TFN creator and writer Jonathan Larsen co-created Up w/ Chris Hayes and wrote for Countdown with Keith Olbermann at MSNBC, helped launch CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° and Air America Radio, and has also worked at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Young Turks.
The judge didn’t cancel it, it was canceled because the judge’s ruling made it moot.
…which was more secular than this one, so far.
"Missing 99% of data is believed to be just 1% away from missing 100% of all the data, according to biased special interests who own calculators." That line had me laughing out loud!
"It’s believed to be the world’s largest and most morally obscene Mafia shakedown racket …" Pure evil.
"As The Bible says, for what shall it profiteth a man if he shall insist on the whole world’s tangible benefits?" For an atheist, you sure do hone in on the most critical moral tenants of Christianity. :) (Someone once said the same thing about Kurt Vonnegut, so I say that with all admiration.)
Damn you, Jonathan! Here I sit at the edge of Armageddon, laughing my fool ass off at your brilliant wordplay. What's WRONG with us?!
"Murphy wrote that “the Government [fuckin’ Kennedy] removed all duly appointed members of ACIP and summarily replaced them without undertaking any of the rigorous screening that had been the hallmark of ACIP member selection for decades [before fuckin’ Kennedy]."
"wreckommendations"
"Missing 99% of data is believed to be just 1% away from missing 100% of all the data, according to biased special interests who own calculators."
"It is the first known instance of a rich, privileged, white guy lying to get what they want."
If you ever get tired of journalism, a lucrative career in comedy writing is yours for the taking.