Judges Declare Trump Crimer-in-Chief
Trump rose from the dead just for a whole batch of judges to strike him down
Sept. 3: Trump literally lost three cases in one day for being criminally bad at presidenting … Schumer and Jeffries demand to be included in fascist authoritarian spending bill … Trump is secretly fighting to block the release of The Epstein Files™, wait, what?!? … Erik Prince eyes Port-au-Prince …
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Pres. Donald Trump may not be dead, technically, but he suffered a death by a thousand cuts legally on Tuesday.
One judge after another — sometimes hunting in packs — confirmed that on a host of illegal actions, Trump is breaking the law, much as he has for decades, only now with the federal government instead of a corporation.
Here are just some of Tuesday’s known rulings on Trump’s crime spree, all of which went against Trump because he’s terrible at presidenting:
Posse Comitatus Act: A federal judge stopped Trump from illegally using the military as police in California.
Alien Enemies Act: Two out of three judges on a federal court of appeals barred Trump from illegally deporting Venezuelans.
Federal Trade Commission: Two of three judges on a different federal court of appeals undid Trump’s illegal firing of a Democratic commissioner.
That makes five out of seven federal judges yesterday calling Trump’s criming criming. The two dissenters were Trump appointees.
The Trump administration is expected to appeal all three cases to the Supreme Court, the only place where a majority finds Trump appealing.
Trump’s attempt to fire Federal Trade Commission (FTC), um, Commissioner Rebecca Slaughter, a Democratic appointee, may present the toughest challenge. That’s because the law indisputably says no more than three FTC commissioners can come from the same party. And even Trump’s rubberiest of rubber-stampers — Bushi-appointees Justices Sam Alito and Clarence Thomas — are believed capable of calculating single-digit sums.
Trump obviously fired both Democratic-appointed FTC commissioners back in March. One moved on, but Slaughter opted to fight.
In the Venezuelan fight, Trump’s illegal deportations relied on his made-up rationale for using the Alien Enemies Act, which makes deporting so easy that even a Trump can do it. Trump hasn’t shown that he can use the Alien Enemies Act, because he couldn’t prove that Venezuela is actually invading us, the judges said, ruling that we would have noticed.
Hilariously, Trump appointee Judge Andrew Oldham’s 131-page dissent tantrum amounted to: But, Mommm, Trump’s the preeeee-sident.
“[T]he majority holds that President Trump is just an ordinary civil litigant… President Trump must plead sufficient facts — as if he were some run-of-the-mill plaintiff in a breach-of-contract case — to convince a federal judge that he is entitled to relief.”
In other words, it took Oldham 131 pages to gussy up a legalistic cloak for an argument that amounts to, “Because he’s president, so nyah.” Of course, Trump is not run-of-the-mill, he’s run-of-the-shill.
But Oldham writes that Trump’s “declaration of a predatory incursion” should be “conclusive.” Meaning, if a president says it’s true, everyone should pretend it is.
This is the kind of America-hating reasoning we might expect from former counsel for Gov. Greg Abbott (R-TX), but Oldham is also a product of the Pres. George W. Bush administration, Harvard Law School, and the University of Virginia.
And Trump’s own intelligence community found Trump’s declaration of a predatory incursion was conclusive…ly bullshit. You may recall your dot-connecting TFN first connected the dots between Trump’s fictional claims about Venezuela and the right-wingers supplying him an alt-universe of alt-facts.
As the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights noted opposing Oldham’s confirmation, he came from the Bush administration’s Office of Legal Counsel, which tortured U.S. law to justify torturing humans. (No idea whether Oldham was a part of that effort or just part of the office, but it’s no shocker that a veteran of the Iraq-lying administration would want to codify Venezuela-lying into law.)
As for Trump’s attempt to codify Los Angeles-lying into law, District Judge Charles Breyer put a stop to that, ruling that it was illegal for Trump to order the military to carry out police functions in Los Angeles and unlawful for the Pentagon to carry out those unlawful orders.
Breyer wrote: “President Trump and [Defense] Secretary [Pete] Hegseth have stated their intention to call National Guard troops into federal service in other cities across the country—including Oakland and San Francisco, here in the Northern District of California—thus creating a national police force with the President as its chief,” as seen below:
Breyer noted Trump’s recidivism and lack of repentance, saying, “there is an ongoing risk that Defendants will act unlawfully.” Only 300 troops remain in Los Angeles — despite having failed to “liberate” the city from its elected socialist leadership — but the risk of Trump criminality led Breyer to enjoin the Pentagon against doing more policing vigilanting in California.
UPFUCKINGHOLD THE CONSTITUTION As TFN has been yammering, Democrats could slow Trump’s comitatus posse-ing by putting Pentagon officials on notice that there will be consequences for obeying unlawful orders.
Now that Breyer has declared invading Los Angeles unlawful, the military chain of command ought to be put on notice — by Democrats — that they now risk obeying an unlawful order if Trump orders them to invade other cities and they comply.
Specifically, Gen. Gregory Guillot oversees U.S. Northern Command. Democrats could advise him today that they will not forget his unlawful compliance with criminal orders to turn the U.S. military against the U.S. people. And we can put Democrats on notice if they don’t.
MILITARY TRIVIA “Guillot” auto-corrects to “Guilt.”
Democratic Leaders Fight for Bipartisan Fascism
Congress is back, Newsfuckers! Not only is the House in the house, but the Senate’s also in the house. And that means it’s time for Democrats to pursue compromise with the party they accuse of enabling fascism!
America’s up against another funding deadline, which could mean a federal shutdown on Sept. 30 — beyond the federal shutdown we’re in now — if no funding bill can win majorities in both chambers.
So congressional Democratic leaders Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) last week demanded to be included in the fascist funding talks, calling for a so-called “four corners” meeting.
“The government funding issue must be resolved in a bipartisan way,” Schumer and Jeffries wrote to Republican leaders. In theory, Republicans will need Democratic votes because some Republicans will balk at any spending.
It’s not clear what concession Democrats think they can win in return for helping to pass a spending bill that will advance Trump’s fascist assault on America and the federal government, but Schumer and Jeffries are asking for maybe some of that healthcare money back, please.
In return, Democrats could vote for more funding for:
Abusing immigrants
Thought policing
Dismantling the Education Department and student loans
Demolishing organized labor
Stripping away LGBTQ+ and reproductive rights
Militarizing Democratic-controlled U.S. cities
Subsidizing planet-fucking fossil fuels while attacking sustainable energy
Measling us, and more.
The “four corners” meeting refers to the four party leaders across both chambers, and is easier to visualize when displayed graphically like so: 卐.
Remember, the Democratic argument here — just like back in March — is that Trump wants a shutdown because it will let him decide what to shut down. Which, um, he’s already doing, but also, as I asked back in March before letting my hair dry…if Trump wants a shutdown, why would he sign a bill preventing one?
PUNTING Politico reported on Tuesday that Jeffries and Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) spoke last week about pushing back the Sept. 30 deadline into November or December.
That would freeze funding at current levels. Meaning Congress would continue supplying Trump with funds to keep doing what he’s doing for another two months in return for Democrats getting [insert something here].
And remember, with two special elections that Democrats are expected to win this month, the party will have an even stronger hand than it’s already folding.
GILLIBRAND The real job of congressional leaders is to protect the members who elected them as leaders.
Which means if Schumer and Jeffries oppose a shutdown, it’s to provide cover for members who oppose a shutdown. Which brings us to Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY).
As your scapegoating TFN scapegoated during the last shutdown fight, it was Gillibrand who got Democratic senators to cave and Schumer to hide her role in digging the cave. Now, Indivisible is mobilizing to pressure Gillibrand, Schumer, and the eight other Democrat-caucusing senators who bucked their party majority — and their voters — to pass the bill now funding all the Trump administration stuff Democrats ostensibly hate:
Dick Durbin (D-IL)
John Fetterman (D-PA)
Maggie Hassan (D-NH)
Angus King (I-ME)
Catherine Cortez Masto (D-NV)
Gary Peters (D-MI)
Brian Schatz (D-HI)
Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)
Here’s how you can find your elected representatives.
Trump Fighting To Block Release of The Epstein Files™
You wouldn’t know it from scanning the big corporate news sites, but Pres. Donald Trump is actively working to block the release of The Epstein Files™ among which he definitely isn’t.
The Guardian was one of the few outlets to headline the news. But others buried it the way Trump and Jeffrey Epstein buried their victims. Legally, of course. Probably.
CNN, for instance, in a social-media post, passed this on from Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY), who’s teaming with Rep. Ro Khanna (D-CA) to push for a vote on releasing all of the files:
Massie tells reporters he is confident this will reach 218 votes and says WH is phoning House Republicans to encourage them not to sign on.
See that second part? That’s a really, really important claim of factuality, as opposed to the first part, Massie’s guess about something we’ll find out eventually. The news that the White House is lobbying Republicans to vote against release comes second.
Semafor, too, soft-pedals its own reporting. They lead with the GOP balking at release, and then — without addressing causality! — note the correlation that “Their growing reticence comes as the White House lobbies GOP lawmakers against signing on.” Oh, is that what it comes as?
Trump, of course, has publicly said he wants the files released. Now, not so much! I guess he really is still alive!
ALSO COVERING UP Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent is refusing to release records his agency has about Epstein’s money, who he got it from, and what it was for.
Sen. Ron Wyden (D-OR) has been looking into more than a billion dollars of suspicious Epstein transactions. At least four banks filed multiple reports with Treasury about them.
Those reports remain secret. And last week, House Oversight Chair Rep. James Comer (R-KY) called on Bessent to release The Treasury Epstein Files™.
But Bessent’s growing reticence comes as the White House lobbies GOP lawmakers against signing on.
VICTIMS Khanna and Massie are holding a press conference with some of Epstein’s victims today, which you can you watch here.
RERUNS The first batch of The Epstein Files™ turned over by the Justice Department pursuant to a House subpoena pursuant to Epstein’s pursuit of children turns out to be a dud.
The House released them on Tuesday. Democrats said only 3% of it was new material.
Most of the crap was already public, and the Justice Department didn’t even bother to market it as newly re-mastered Epstein Files™ with bonus acoustic tracks and demos.
Gun Nuts
Pres. Donald Trump is coming for your guns! And, weirdly, the National Rifle Association and its national rifle associates don’t seem to be doing shit or shoot about it despite defending their guns being their rationale for the right to have guns. The New York Times reports that Trump is targeting gun possession to justify his DC invasion, even though Jesus wants us to have guns as long as thee don’t coveteth them from thy neighbor.
According to the Times, Trump has already seized 150 guns in DC the way Pres. Joe Biden only dreamed of. “It sends a message we don’t like,” said Gun Owners of America Florida Director Luis Valdes, who then didn’t do anything about it with the guns he has for the purpose of doing something about it.
Hilariously, the Times reports that overall arrests in DC have only seen “a slight increase” since Trump invaded DC. Compare that to “a major increase in federal firearms prosecutions.” It’s almost as if no rights matter — even gun ones retroactively invented in the ‘70s — in the face of Trump’s lack of impulse control and preference for authoritarianism because democracy is too hard.
The Invisible Hand Now Super Visible in Haiti
Remember mercenary capitalist Erik Prince, the capitalistest mercenary? He’s the brother of first-term Trump Education (sic) Secretary Betsy DeVos and founded Blackwater, the evil cabal at the heart of still-unrevealed Iraq atrocities.
Prince has had his hands in just about every shady, sordid, authoritarian, human-rights-abusing conflict, dictatorship, and game of Risk that’s plagued the globe for the past couple decades. Now he’s got his Invisible Hands around Haiti’s throat.
Prince tells Reuters that his latest “company,” Vectus Global, just signed a ten-year deal with Haiti. To fight crime. In which Prince is well versed.
Prince said he plans to deploy hundreds of fighters from the U.S., Europe, and El Salvador. It was probably just a matter of time until Prince took over Haiti, given that the capital is literally named Port of Prince.
Haiti’s government had no choice but to hire Vectus Global because it’s not as if Haiti has lots of unemployed people who could be hired and trained to do this for a fraction of whatever Haiti’s paying Prince.
"Resorting to private military companies cannot be seen as a solution to insecurity in Haiti,” Gedeon Jean, who runs Haiti’s Center for Human Rights Analysis and Research, told Reuters. “The use of private companies has often resulted in human rights violations,” he added while he still could before Vectus violated his civil rights.
FLASHBACK Blackwater mercenaries were convicted of killing 14 unarmed civilians in Iraq. Now, who wants to play Guess Who Pardoned Them?.
TCB
The college drop-off tour continues! Yesterday was Day 2 of our drive, 8+ hours (not a bad drive, and we’ve done much longer in a single day).
Today we move my son into his dorm. Tomorrow we say goodbye and leave him to the tender mercies of thousands of crazed young people whose brains are not yet fully formed. Gulp.
I’m trying to balance all of that with my TFN duties. (I have a lot of newsfucking I wish my army of clones could dedicate more time to!) But as I mentioned yesterday, taking a break from TFN this week isn’t really a financial option.
And that aside, I really do feel an obligation to be here every day for you, Newsfuckers and general-purpose fuckers alike. Especially now that the number of TFN noobs is picking up (welcome!) and the news cycle is accelerating with the return of Congress.
Plus, new editions every day help keep TFN on Substack’s list of top newsletters, and on track for financial sustainability. So, if you new or old Newsfuckers can afford it, and you find yourself turning to TFN every day, please know that I can only do this with the support of a few of you upgrading every day to paid subscriptions.
As the news heats up, there’s no better time to build TFN’s momentum. Thank you. E pluribus fuckem.
NEWSFUCKING IN THE WILD My regular Monday stint on The Nicole Sandler Show resumes next Monday at 3:30pm eastern and you can watch it, and past segments, for free, right here.
Superstar superhero writer Mark Waid joins me for a live chat on Monday, Sept. 15, at 4:30pm eastern time to talk about men and supermen and the Superman movie.
RESOURCES
Go get ‘em, kids! Remember, their growing reticence comes as the White House lobbies GOP lawmakers against signing on…
TFN creator and writer Jonathan Larsen co-created Up w/ Chris Hayes and wrote for Countdown with Keith Olbermann at MSNBC, helped launch CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° and Air America Radio, and has also worked at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Young Turks.
Listen, Jonathan. Spend all the time you can with your son. It flies by too quickly, and even if you're close, he'll find his own life, and time spent together will be scarce. It's a normal thing, so take all the time you can, and all the newsfuckers will be here when you return. I know I will.
I can think of four SCOTUS votes easily who think “But, Mommm, Trump’s the [Republican] preeeee-sident” is sound legal argument. Barrett and Gorsuch are persuadable.