Trump Is Losing...It

On every front and by every metric, Trump is blowing his chance for a happy ending

Nov. 4: Trump open to killing fluoridated water, vaccines … Trump, Johnson scramble to unfuck themselves on Obamacare … Trump’s social media company outsourced Merkan jobs to Mexico … WaPo not-endorses Trump …

You can listen to the TFN podcast here.

---

If you missed them, we had two pieces up this weekend. One is the culmination of months of reporting (and the start of something that’s going to get bigger).

That’s the story of how the secretive organization behind the National Prayer Breakfast — and Uganda’s LGBTQ+ death penalty, and the crazification of Mike Lindell — have had an employee secretly encouraging Florida’s legislators as they veer further and further right. That employee is the official House chaplain, with an office and everything.

It’s supposedly a volunteer position, but thanks to secret donors, he’s actually made six figures some years. This is why Christian theocracy is everywhere in America in a nutshell. A handful of rich Christians are spending untold godzillions to make America a nut’s hell. The story lays a foundation for upcoming revelations (sorry) that are even bigger so I hope you Newsfuckers check it out. You can read it here and to date it’s generated not a single paid subscription so if you think it’s the kind of thing people should know about, I hope you’ll consider supporting the Jonathan Larsen Substack.

OTOH People lurved the Saturday bonus TFN — it’s the second most popular TFN post. And no wonder! It simultaneously scratched that relentless what’s-gonna-happen itch and it gave the answer Newsfuckers wanna hear: Vice Pres. Kamala Harris is gonna blow out former Pres. Donald Trump like a 79th birthday candle.

If you missed it, you can check it out here — it’s all about the Iowa polling stunner this weekend, showing Harris leading Trump by three points…in Iofuckingwa. Yes, Barack Obama won Iowa twice, but then so did Trump. So if she’s really leading, that’s a very big deal. And if the Iowa poll is any reflection of the broader midwest, Trump is in real trouble on Election Day.

Because the reason for Harris’s strength is old people. Not just women, but men, too. And that includes white old people. They are, apparently, sick of this shit.

That said, no one knows what will happen tomorrow. Or early Wednesday morning. Or late Wednesday morning. Or Jan. 6, 2025. We may have a long slog ahead of us, or things may wrap quicker than we expect, one way or another. What’s still true, though, is you’d rather be Harris than Trump.

And Trump himself seems to think he’s losing. Because this weekend, the man was truly acting like a loser.

Trump Is Losing…It

Former Pres. Donald Trump simulating either microphone problems or the fellation of a penis on Friday at a rally in Milwaukee, MN. (Screengrab / Pornhub video.)

Would-be rePresident Donald Trump accomplished a number of things this weekend, the closing days of the presidential campaign:

• Acted even more erratically than usual

• Gave Vice Pres. Kamala Harris a 55%-to-45% edge among late-deciding voters, and perhaps most importantly

• Served up a smorgasbord of reminders of how his incompetence will prevent him if he wins from doing nearly the damage he would like to do.

A big-ass new report from The Atlantic chronicles lots of juicy, rewarding soap-opera bullshit from Trump World, the machinations of Corey Lewandowski roiling the supposed professionalism of Trump’s official team leaders.

But what it really is is a case study in mismanagement. Trump hand-grenaded a winning campaign by tossing in…the guy who helped him lose the popular vote twice before. With predictable results. Lewandowski went around undermining everyone who wasn’t him (no wonder Trump likes him) and painting campaign discipline as weakness. Hence, the lack of discipline — which deprived Trump of the ability to close on his two winning issues: The fictional threat of immigrants and the economy that his proposals would make so much worse.

It’s hard to imagine that campaign managers who think they’re about to win would’ve leaked The Atlantic all kinds of details about why things aren’t going well. Which suggests even Trump World’s handful of professionals are less than sanguine.

That’s a point Patrick Dillon (husband of Harris campaign chair Jen O’Malley Dillon) made, writing: “[C]ampaign managers confident of winning do not leak their whole CYA [Cover Your Trump-Supporting Ass] case in long form the weekend before the election.”

And as if to underscore just how little message discipline Trump World has, Trump spokesperson Steven Cheung responded…by calling Dillon a cuck. #2016!

But that was nothing compared to the man himself.

Instead of hitting his talking points in Pennsylvania, Trump hypothesized about yet another shooter trying to hit him, saying an assassin couldn’t get him through the bulletproof glass. And noting that the only other thing between said hypothetical shooter and him…was journalists:

“[A]ll we have really over here is the fake news. And to get me, somebody would have to shoot through the fake news. And I don’t mind that so much.”

Instant headlines crowding out whatever message his team worked so hard on.

Which doesn’t mean the Trump campaign hasn’t talked any policy in its final days. They’re so undisciplined that on their own they’ve revived fears about policies that mean a lot to millions of people. As Philly (in Pennsylvania) Inquirer columnist Will Bunch inventories, in just the past few days, the Trump campaign has managed to get people talking about how they’ll:

• End fluoridation of water, at the behest of future health czar Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., Trump yesterday confirmed he’s down with removing fluoride from drinking water and Making America’s Teeth Colonial English Again because Trump hates his campaign team. Trump also left the door open for opening the border to our immune systems, inviting an invasion of polio, whooping cough, diphtheria, chicken pox, hepatitis with his suggestion he’s open to letting Kennedy wipe out vaccines.

• Kill Obamacare, which Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) denied he said — even though he literally said “No Obamacare” you’re just twisting the meanings of “No” and “Obamacare” — with Trump pitching in to deny it, too, helpfully reminding everyone of all their past efforts to kill Obamacare.

• Repeal signature legislation of Pres. Joe Biden investing in chip manufacturing, something Johnson floated while campaigning in a district where Biden’s funding a massive new plant to create thousands of jobs in the district of a House Republican whose victory Johnson needs if he wants to stay speaker which he does.

Bunch reminds me of a massive campaign blunder its richest genius committed just last week. Brilliont Elon Musk admitted that Trump’s plans will tank the economy. (What most coverage — except TFN’s — missed was Musk’s “explanation” of why it will rebound: Because Wall Street bros will “realize” things are better now.)

Phun Philly phact that Bunch phlags: the Heartland Signal progressive news outlet got video of Connecticut resident and Pennsylvania Senate candidate Dave McCormick saying he’d stop requiring insurance companies to let parents keep kids on their policies till they’re 26. Just what voters want!

And even Bunch couldn’t round up all of it. Trump also yesterday called Democrats small-d “demonic,” helpfully reminding voters that leading Trump acolyte Tucker Carlson believes he was attacked by a demon or demons from Hell that, um, mildly scratched him rather than killed him because Satan’s not a monster yo. 

Perhaps my favorite, though, is Trump finally after four years admitting the worst thing he’s ever done…to MAGA.

Campaigning yesterday, Trump said:

“We had the safest border in the history of our country the day that I left. I shouldn't have left. I mean, honestly, because … we did so well, we had such a great — so now, I mean every, every polling booth has hundreds of lawyers standing there [blah, blah, non sequitur, tangent, synaptic pant-pooping…]”

Now, the left will — rightly! — hear Trump saying he should’ve actually stolen the presidency, despite having lost all his legal/procedural fig leafs. But what MAGA should hear — rightly! — is that Trump let traitorous, child-blood-drinking vampire Joe Biden steal the presidency.

Trump had the U.S. Army. The entire Justice Department. The Secret Service. And still illegitimately handed the United States government over to a man Trump himself had accused of treasonously defrauding the American people and undermining democracy. In that framing, of course Trump never should’ve left!

Most MAGA have just been too dim or blinded to see it. But — like a serial killer who can’t resist hanging out at the crime scene — Trump finally confessed with just two days to go.

And all of that isn’t even counting the stuff that non-campaign people have churned up for last-minute vote-deciders to think about. ProPublica alone must be worth a couple Electoral College votes at this point. How come?

They got Trump’s own media company to admit that they…outsourced jobs to Mexico. That’s right, Truth [sic] [anti-]Social wasn’t pumping out its xenophobic fear-mongering about Mexico stealing our jobs all on their own…the coding for their platform was done by subcontractors who vivir and trabajar in Mexico.

And ProPublica is chronicling cases of women who have died because of abortion bans.

Now, will all of this matter? I know it’s fashionable to bash undecideds (fine, fine, your hypocritical TFN does it, too) as … what’s the phrase? … functionally brain-dead. But not all of them are.

Some of them are incredibly busy. Caring for kids or elderly people. Working multiple jobs. Some are just, y’know, happy! They literally don’t read any news or social media.

When do they finally pay attention? When they have to, when there’s no more time left. Now.

And this is what they’re seeing: Trump on fire. No wonder they’re breaking for Harris. Maybe they’re smarter!

And the Harris campaign has to feel vindicated about her success closing the gap with Trump on the top issue of voters: The economy. Final polling shows Harris managed to win over voters on the economy and erase Trump’s advantage.

It’s worth remembering that Harris had a multi-pronged approach. She offered up small-bore programs which generated no coverage and promised no meaningful change.

But she also vowed to take on America’s biggest corporations, to bring down prices by going anti-monopoly on their giant merged ass. Would it’ve been nice to hear Harris say something nice about Federal Trade Commission Chair Lina Khan in the process? Newsfucker, it would’ve been.

But if Harris wins, there’s now a very good argument that the populist, anti-corporate approach championed by Khan will have carried Harris across the finish line. And that’s a lesson worth reminding the next president of every day of their presidency.

And If All of That Weren’t Enough…Meet Trump’s Closest Friend

I don’t normally traffic in the, um, trafficking of Jeffrey Epstein. It’s sordid and bears little relevance to the vast majority of people’s lives.

But a lot of people do pay attention. And what they saw this weekend was audio of Epstein saying “I was Donald’s closest friend for 10 years.” That would be Donald Trump.

Epstein was interviewed — on tape released this weekend — and spent a fair amount of time discussing Trump. And by “discussing” I mean dropping enough shit on Trump to fertilize a new garden of Eden and then salting the earth like Trump was Carthage. To wit:

“He’s a horrible human being. He does nasty things to his best friends, best friends’ wives, anyone who he first tries to gain their trust and uses it to do bad things to them.”

Epstein says Trump would call “friends” into his office and offer them pageant participants to make love to sleep with fuck rape. Trump’s “friends” didn’t know he was fucking them metaphorically by having their wives listen on speakerphone, so he could use their husbands’ betrayal to fuck the wives literally. Epstein quotes Trump:

“The only thing I really like to do is fuck the wives of my best friends. That is just the best.”

The Threat to the Polling Places

The media are full of fears about Election Day violence by either side, because the media are full of fear about saying it’s just one side.

And, yes, there’s a decent chance there’ll be some violence on Election Day or during the counts thereafter. But there already have been some violent encounters. Some 80 million people have already voted!

In any activity of this size, you’re going to see scuffles and violence. And media are looking for it, so if it happens anywhere, no matter how minorly, we’re going to know about it.

What haven’t we seen, though? Massive armies of voter intimidation. If they were going to show up tomorrow, where have they been for the voting already happening?

Election Day is not something to fear, because it’s already happening and we’re already seeing what the armies of former Pres. Donald Trump are going to do about it. What they do best…mobilize on their couches and deploy their keyboards.

As for the counting, the New York Times reports on wholesale MAGA messaging for vote-challenging once the counts start. Proud Boys is using social media to rally vote-challenges on Telegram. So are others. The Times report is really scary!

But there’s tons of good news between the lines that outweighs the bad. Some points:

If Proud Boys were really organized (have you met Boys?) they wouldn’t be ejaculating into the wind like this. This is essentially confirmation that they don’t have any organized resistance in place.

Instead of organizing and educating people, at the last minute the Boys are issuing random calls for help into the wind. It’s an admission they haven’t done the work. There is no army to mobilize. If there were, they’d be emailing the thousands of troops they’ve already recruited.

Instead, they’re still recruiting!

And the would-be recruits they’re targeting are people who have a history of not showing up. Not to Trump’s rallies. Not to outnumber Democratic votes in 2016 and 2020. Not in the mid-terms. Not to save him from arrest. Not to disrupt his trial. Not to “free” him when he was convicted.

Also, the MAGA people who are the audience for Proud Boys messaging are most likely to know a really important bit of trivia about Proud Boys who try to fuck with the vote: They go bye-byes!

While news-junkie Newsfuckers are monitoring for signs of Proud Boy mobilization, here are the headlines Proud Boy followers have already seen (cue visual aid):

Not a great recruiting poster!

Also, there’s a hilarious possibility here: Proud Boys may ultimately be sending uneducated, uninformed MAGA to go…learn. Election rules vary widely from place to place and 99% of laypeople don’t know the intricacies.

So if any MAGA Boys show up to “challenge”...whatever…there’s a very decent chance that the election workers and legit monitors (from both parties!) are going to read them in on what the rules are and why whatever’s going on is hunky-dory. We’ve already seen examples of this happening!

And don’t forget the MAGA paradox: Where these people are most likely to respond to MAGA messaging is in cultures where MAGA dominates. Namely, districts Trump would win anyway.

But in swing districts, where it matters, there will be Democratic officials — and, even better, terrifying lawyers — ready for MAGA. 

Hell, on Friday, Gov. Jay Inslee (D-WA) said he’ll have the National Guard on standby to protect voters and voting personnel, if needed, after ballot boxes were burned there in a feeble attempt to steal the election which so far is literally the best the election-stealers have managed to do.

And even in a swing state, Gov. Joe Lombardo (R-NV) also has the National Guard on standby. Tough not to call them in if MAGA violence breaks out at a polling place or against vote-counters.

So, be calm. Yes, “things” will likely happen. Things always do. That’s what things do. And the media are hunting for these incidents, meaningless or not, to blast at our faces.

But when you look under the hood of causes for concern that the media are (rightly) flagging, there’s more reason for confidence than fear.

Media Watch

WAPO Remember how brilliontaire Jeff Bezos wrote an endorsement explaining how endorsements are bad and useless? That’s why he prevented the Washington Post editorial board from endorsing Vice Pres. Kamala Harris.

Well, yesterday, the editorial board returned his order to Bezos in its original package with free shipping.

Forbidden from endorsing Harris, they wrote a whole-ass un-endorsement of former Pres. Donald Trump.

The title: “Donald Trump’s retro economic plan could be a disaster.” Sounds like an endorsement of not disaster to me!

TCB

ELECTION NIGHT We’re fucking Election Night in the TFN live chat! How better to keep your calm on and get much-needed media-corrective reality checks from your fellow Newsfuckers? Put the TFN live-chat link in your calendar and we’ll all fuck the news together, like Caligula would want us to.

FUCK THE NEWS You can help TFN fuck the news with a one-time PayPal donation (TFN doesn’t drink coffee but you can think of it as a cup of coffee!) or by upgrading to a paid subscription.

Your reliable TFN will have more to say about our mental survival skills in the next 24 hours, and your support would mean a lot as we put it together.

And we see all you Newsfuckers restacking your favorite TFNs — thank you! You can also share whatever newsfucking caught your fancy on Threads, Bluesky, Instagram, Facebook, Mastodon, Spoutible, or even Twitter. Thank you!

Go get ‘em, kids!