Trump ThisClose to Understanding Putin
Trump on verge of grasping that Putin wanted to invade Ukraine and also to stay there
May 27: Trump calls Putin crazy, which, I mean, imagine Trump thinking you’re crazy … EXCLUSIVE: Speaker Johnson, Hegseth, and other cabinet members join far-right Bible study … Texas GOP pass bill forcing Ten Commandments on schools … Trump kicks off summer cutting forecasting and anti-drowning efforts …
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In what’s being described (by TFN) as a major intelligence breakthrough, Pres. Donald Trump over the weekend showed some signs of intelligence regarding Russia’s invasion of and subsequent war on Ukraine.
The dramatic near miss came in the form of a social-media post from Trump, in which he said Russian President Vladimir Putin had gone “absolutely crazy.”
Thinking one’s adversaries insane is a common American method to justify abandoning diplomacy, but in this case it at least suggests Trump is closer to understanding that Putin has been lying about wanting peace, given that peace-wanting is seldom a motive for launching unprovoked military invasions of other countries.
I mean, usually.
In a post Sunday night, Trump claimed without evidence that Putin had somehow recently changed … presumably no longer the, um, gentle pacifist peacemaker Trump loved so hard during their magical summers in Hamburg and Helsinki. In his plaintive note, Trump recalled those special times wistfully:
I’ve always had a very good relationship with Vladimir Putin of Russia, but something has happened to him. He has gone absolutely CRAZY! He is needlessly killing a lot of people, and I’m not just talking about soldiers. Missiles and drones are being shot into Cities in Ukraine, for no reason whatsoever. I’ve always said that he wants ALL of Ukraine, not just a piece of it, and maybe that’s proving to be right, but if he does, it will lead to the downfall of Russia!
Of course, Trump has not always said that, because he hasn’t always said anything. But Sunday’s post does suggest that Trump is getting closer to figuring out that Putin doesn’t want peace.
It’s a pendulum Trump has swung before, but as French President Emmanuel Macron put it yesterday, “I believe that President Trump has realized that when President Putin told him he was ready for peace, he was lying." If true, it would represent a dramatic strategic shift from Trump’s history of not realizing things.
So what could possibly make Trump realize a thing this time? Earlier Sunday, Putin launched a deadly drone and missile attack on Kyiv, the biggest such attack of the war so far. Meaning, it was a worse attack than any that occurred under weak, soft Pres. Joe Biden, making Trump weaker and softer than Biden, according to the transitive property of presidential weakness and softness.
To drive home Trump’s newfound softness, a Putin spokesperson responded, saying that Trump’s remarks were “connected to an emotional overload of everyone involved.” That’s right, Putin deployed that classic tool of realpolitik and accused Trump of being on his period.
But Putin wasn’t the only target for Trump’s broken heart this weekend. In the same post, Trump told Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy not to talk about being victimized, the way one does when one is a freedom-defending president someone who’s definitely spent most of his adult life warning his own victims to keep their fucking mouths shut.
Likewise, President Zelenskyy is doing his Country no favors by talking the way he does. Everything out of his mouth causes problems, I don’t like it, and it better stop.
Apparently frustrated by his impotence and inability to perform, Trump then tried to wash his hands of the conflict he campaigned on being able to end easily — and that the U.S. has no stakes in other than, y’know, the stability of Europe, which has never had a direct impact on the U.S., not even I time and definitely not II.
This is a War that would never have started if I were President. This is Zelenskyy’s, Putin’s, and Biden’s War, not “Trump’s,” I am only helping to put out the big and ugly fires, that have been started through Gross Incompetence and Hatred.
It wasn’t immediately clear who Trump was quoting when he said “‘Trump’s’.” Anyway, the point is, Trump’s growing understanding that Putin’s been playing him for one-eighth of his life could lead to more U.S. support. Or not.
FLASHBACK Corporate media seem to have memory-holed it, and my own memory is crappy enough that it took me a few minutes to re-find it, but after that mortifying Trump-Zelenskyy exchange in the Oval Office, your history-loving TFN unearthed the real history of Trump/Ukraine.
In reality-land, Ukrainian land was attacked by Putin during Trump’s first term, in what was seen at the time as a test of U.S. resolve. Russia’s conclusion: “Washington … is not stating any support for Kiev, is not saying a single word about the role of Russia.”
YOU’RE UP, EUROPE Despite the horrific, shambolic process, it may be a good thing — from isolationist and/or progressive perspectives — if Trump leaves America with a smaller footprint on the globe to better match his tiny hands. That said, nature abhors a vacuum, especially a Trump-shaped vacuum, and there are, shall we say, historic reasons for concern about increasingly militarized European nations.
But yesterday, Europe took a big step toward filling the Trump-shaped hole in Ukraine’s defensive lines.
Since Putin invaded, Ukraine has been fighting back with one hand tied behind its back: Zelenskyy couldn’t use his western-supplied arsenal for attacks deep inside Russia. Yesterday, that changed.
Chancellor Friedrich Merz of Germany said those restrictions are over. Ukraine can now go to town even if that town is hundreds of miles inside Russia’s (current) borders. Merz then pretty much drew Zelenskyy a map to Moscow:
“There are no longer any range restrictions on weapons delivered to Ukraine — neither by the British nor by the French nor by us nor by the Americans […] This means that Ukraine can now defend itself, for example, by attacking military positions in Russia.”
Merz also said that Germany is now going silent about how it’s arming Ukraine. That’s both to keep Putin in the dark about what’s about to hit him in the dark, but also, potentially, to keep Germans in the dark about whether Merz will start supplying Ukraine with long-range Taurus missiles, which is opposed by officials including both Merz’s predecessor and definitely Putin.
Hegseth and Johnson Join Far-Right Bible Studies in White House, Congress
EXCLUSIVE Far-right evangelical Ralph Drollinger — who founded Capitol Ministries to keep politicians in line with his beliefs about Jesus’s beliefs — has welcomed a big batch of Trump administration leaders into his Bible study groups, according to a report yesterday by oh shit, it’s me!
A new Capitol Ministries study guide dated yesterday includes a new category of cabinet and ambassador sponsors for Drollinger’s newly resurrected™ weekly White House Bible study, in addition to his House and Senate groups. Meet the new sponsors (who are presumed to be participants, as well):
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth
Mike Huckabee, U.S. ambassador to Israel
House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA)
David Perdue, U.S. ambassador to China
Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins
Housing and Urban Development (HUD) Secretary Scott Turner1
Office of Management and Budget Director Russell Vought, co-architect of Project 2025.
Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD) is a longtime Drollingerite, but in this week’s study guide someone remembered to elevate him to the heavens by adding his new “Senate Majority Leader” title.
Anyway, as you might surmise, this is very fucked up. Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) Pres. Mikey Weinstein put it thusly to me in his usual diplomatic manner:
“As if Pete Hegseth could not fall further from integrity, character, courage and intelligence, by signing up for these weekly completely noxious White House Bible studies he is defecating on the US Constitution, which he swore a sacred oath to support.”
I’ve got more reporting coming on this topic, which of course TFN will flag — or possibly false flag, I can never remember. But if you Newsfuckers don’t want to miss it, you can subscribe to and support my original reporting over at the Jonathan Larsen Substack.
FLASHBACK All the sponsors listed in Drollinger’s study guides are Republicans. But that doesn’t mean Democrats don’t go on the down low.
Back in January, I revealed that Rep. Marie Gluesenkamp Perez was helping Drollinger recruit for his House study group. Following up yesterday on all this, I discovered that Gluesenkamp Perez’s constituents saw my reporting and were, shall we say, displeased.
In fact, local media credited my reporting (thanks for spelling my name right! Jonathan Larsen) and listed my story as one of the big topics at her town hall just a couple days later. She confirmed my reporting but made it sound like, gawrsh golly whillickers, Drollinger’s got the only Bible-study game in town. Which he does not.
(And the fact that I didn’t know this till now suggests maybe I should do that tacky thing of setting up a Google News alert for my name. Nah, who needs another source of anxiety!)
Texas Republicans Pass Anti-American Worship of False Idol
The Texas House on Sunday passed a bill approved by the state Senate on Saturday to require every public classroom to display their favorite version of The Ten Commandments. The bill would hilariously undermine Christianity by impotently prohibiting activities commonly practiced in school, such as Thou Shalt Not Make Graven Images (drawing shit) and Thou Shalt Not Take the Lord’s Name in Vain (“Goddamit,” “Jesus Christ,” “Jesus H. Christ,” “Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick with a ukulele,” etc.)
Hilariously, state Sen. Phil King (R-of course) had his bill brought up in the Senate on Saturday, the Jewish sabbath. Then this philking asshole sent it for the House vote on Sunday, the Christian sabbath. He violated the Judeo and Christian Commandment to keep the sabbathseses holy!
The House tweaked the bill to put the state on the hook — crucified, as it were — for any legal fees schools will definitely incur when pissed off parents and teachers obviously sue the crap out of them after six-year-olds first ask and then come home knowing what adultery means. Not to mention what covetething thy HOA board member’s wife means.
So the bill has to go back to the state Senate and then, assuming it passes, to Gov. Greg Abbott (R-TX), an open theocrat and also a philking asshole.
Two Quickies
Yesterday was the unofficial start of summer and so, in the name of saving government from drowning in red tape, Pres. Donald Trump instead has chosen to have kids drown in water. Back in April, Politico reports, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) laid off the folks who help train people around the country to prevent kids from drowning. As with most things, drowning hits non-white people disproportionately. In 2023, 4,300 people died of drowning in this country. It’s the number-one cause of death for people under the age of four, but at least Trump has saved the sweet precious children from ritualistic blood sacrifices led by Satan’s High Priestess Hillary Clinton2.
America’s weather forecasters — and people who live in areas where there is weather — are heading into the June 1 start of hurricane season a few weather balloons short of a forecast, as zero kids say. Because accurate weather forecasts are obviously inefficient, the Dept. of Government Efficiency [sic] has cut or killed about 13% of the almost 100 National Weather Service weather-balloon sites, CBS reports. Already, meteorologists tell CBS, the lost data has made forecasts less accurate and precise in extreme weather, such as the March ice storm in Michigan and last week’s rash of less-forecasted tornadoes and storms in Wisconsin. With hurricane season starting next week, the Florida panhandle just lost a balloon site.
Recommended Reading
Former Daily Show writer and Air America Radio star Jim Earl has weighed in on Pres. Donald Trump’s quixotic and dicksotic quest to return Americans to factory work that no one wants to be returned to. Jim writes like TFN wishes TFN could write, so I strongly encourage the bleakest, most acidic of you Newsfuckers to check him out. And he quotes songs about factory work — I nominated Warren Zevon’s “The Factory” even though Jim in no way solicited nominations — so I’m sure Jim would love for you to nominate your own. Heh heh.
TCB
EXCUSES, EXCUSES Your post-Memorial Day TFN is a tad on the short side today. Yesterday I stumbled onto the Pete Hegseth/Mike Johnson Bible study story and that pretty much ate up all the time I was going to use for today’s TFN. Plus, I’ve gotta get cracking on that followup story!
SUPPORTING TFN I suspect most of you Newsfuckers subscribe to TFN because we try every morning to brace you for the day ahead with a smile. A grim, acerbic smile, to be sure, but still!
But at a time when one legacy media outlet after another is bending a knee or kissing an ass, I believe the most important aspect of supporting TFN is making my reporting possible here and over at my other Substack.
As Rep. Marie Gluesenkamp Perez (D-WA) reportedly said back in January, if I hadn’t revealed her recruiting for a far-right congressional Bible study, she never would have revealed it. I believe her!
TFN’s paid subscribers made that possible, gave her constituents the power to hold her accountable. Direct causal chain here, people: You upgraded to paid, making my reporting possible, exposing her involvement, informing her constituents. That’s what upgrading does.
So, even if you’re not here every day, or don’t appreciate my snide vulgarity, if you can afford to support the journalism, please consider becoming a paid subscriber to my other Substack or to TFN…
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PODCAST PEOPLE What up, you Newsfuckers who read TFN with your ears?!? I have no idea why, but yesterday’s Podcast numbers were befuckedly bigger than ever — more than 8,000 downloads! — and more of you are now giving TFN readers a run for their money when it comes to supporting TFN with your money. Thank you!
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TFN creator and writer Jonathan Larsen co-created Up w/ Chris Hayes and wrote for Countdown with Keith Olbermann at MSNBC, helped launch CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° and Air America Radio, and has also worked at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Young Turks.
This is not a real thing. I trust regular Newsfuckers understand this, but Jesus Christ if you’re not 100% sure on this, please drop me an email or something. I’m here for you.
Thanks so much for this hilariously irreverent and outrageously swearful newsfuckery! Now I'm fortified to hit the streets chuckling quietly instead of just grinding my teeth.
So great to see your work helping Rep. Glusuenkamp Perez's constituents call her out bogus bible studying! Nice bonus that local media spelled your name correctly.