Feb. 12: Pentagon fails to subdue enemy territory of El Paso, TX … National Guard pulled an Irish exit from Los Angeles, Chicago, and Portland … New horror revealed about U.S. weapons in Gaza that you should not read unless you’re ready for new horror … Child molester molested childs when he would’ve been in prison if Trump hadn’t pardoned him for January 6 …
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The U.S. military is already retreating from its newest combat zone: The battle-scarred skies over El Paso, TX.
Working with Customs and Border Protection (CBP), the Pentagon Tuesday night quickly established air superiority over the western Texas city, famous for its lack of air-defense artillery. Here are the front-line dispatches from America’s latest military incursion and possibly fastest surrender.
On Tuesday night, CBP deployed a Pentagon anti-drone laser to defend America from something.
The CBP strike forced America’s cowardly terrorist enemies in, um, El Paso, to shut down all air traffic, initially announcing a ten-day pause. Newsfuckers, that’s longer than most air traffic was shut down after 9/11.
But it wasn’t just air traffic for America’s 23rd-biggest city. Flight corridors over much of southern New Mexico were successfully shut down by the CBP strike.
Federal officials ensured the mission was a success by not breathing a word to local officials on the ground, who might have, like, planned for it or fought back in court. Twenty-seven flights in or out of El Paso were successfully canceled or delayed.
That included medical flights.
The joint Pentagon/CBP operation successfully prevented urgently needed surgical equipment from getting through the blockade to El Paso hospitals. Medical evacuation flights were diverted more than 40 miles away.
So, what the fuck actually happened?
Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, a hardened veteran of the reality of … reality shows … announced Wednesday that America’s heroes had successfully responded to “a cartel drone incursion” and that now, “The threat has been neutralized, and there is no danger to commercial travel in the region.”
Praise commercial-airline-flying Jesus!
America had successfully repelled an aerial invasion of unmanned drones deployed by Mexican drug cartels to do something-terror-something.
Duffy did not reveal the logistical details of the inevitable victory parade. Maybe because, if you’ll notice Duffy’s weasel words, he didn’t actually say they shot a drone down. Raising the question of…
No, seriously, what the fuck really actually happened here?
For a while now, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) and the Pentagon have been discussing testing anti-drone lasers. They had scheduled a Feb. 20 meeting to talk about it like grownups.
The FAA even warned it would have to shut down El Paso air space if the Pentagon used its lasers before their safety could be confirmed.
Then, on Tuesday, someone in CBP spotted a drone. And someone pressed the zap button on the laser that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth decided to lend to the Homeland (sic) Security agency that used to have a worse reputation than Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE).
The laser successfully blinded blindsided the FAA, which didn’t get enough notice to ensure commercial airplanes were safe and so shut down air traffic to save El Paso planes not from a Mexican drone, but an American laser.
The White House Wednesday morning ordered the FAA to reopen the skies over El Paso and southern New Mexico.
Y’know. Now that it was safe.
And you can’t really blame the FAA for being jumpy. Historians may recall that one year ago a Department of Defense (DOD) sneak attack knocked a passenger jet carrying 64 people into the Potomac River, possibly giving the FAA DOD PTSD.
One source told Axios: "The Pentagon said, 'Trust us.' But they have a checkered history. We came up on the one-year anniversary of the accident at Reagan and the FAA was not about to let that happen again."
After all, Duffy’s been caught with his pants down before:
So what about those drones? How many got through after the soft-on-terror White House dropped America’s air defenses?
Last summer, a Department of Homeland (sic) Security official testified that in six months during 2024, 27,000 drones had flown within 1500 feet of the border. Impressively, he somehow knew that all 27,000 had been flown by bad guys.
The following day, Mexico’s president held a news conference to say, in Spanish: “No.”
The cartels did use drones, President Claudia Sheinbaum said, but against each other. And at the border? “No.” The secretary of Mexico’s navy (stop laughing, it’s bigger than your navy) said drones “have not been detected at the border.”
But, you might stammer, then what did CBP successfully defend America against on Tuesday?
FAA Administrator Bryan Bedford gave Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) a briefing on Wednesday. Afterward, Cruz said, “the details of what exactly occurred over El Paso are unclear.” So either Bedford didn’t tell Cruz or did tell Cruz, but Cruz has trouble understanding things.
Maybe Cruz should have asked the military-industrial complex!
Because a source in the arms industry told the Texas Tribune that the DOD itself has been flying drones at the border. And keeping the FAA in the dark. (Fun fact: The whole reason the DHS was created, in addition to letting Pres. George W. Bush sleep at night without his binkie, was to enhance government communication.)
“To be clear,” wrote Rep. Veronica Escobar (D-TX), “this was the result of incompetence at the highest levels of the administration.” The same incompetence and infantile fear and arrogance that gave us land wars in Minneapolis, Chicago, Los Angeles, Portland, OR, and other cities. And the murder of 130 people in boats.
Pres. Donald Trump’s war against peace has now expanded to all three battlespaces.
So is the upshot here that El Paso was shut down by the FAA because the CBP shot down a DOD drone? The truth is even more delicious.
Newsfuckers, it was a party balloon.
That’s according to New York Times sources. But do we really know it was a party balloon? Maybe it was a sad balloon!
Happy or sad, we don’t even know if CBP got its balloon. Which means that any time now, America’s enemies could still threaten us with a good time.
RETREATS FOR EVERYONE Trump has just quietly done in three cities what he never did in his personal life: Pull out.
Federalized National Guard troops have withdrawn from Los Angeles, Chicago, and Portland, OR, the military told the Washington Post. The last of them retreated at the end of last month but Trump didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it because he’s shy.
A variety of courts had ruled against Trump’s federal invasions of the three cities, as they did against his invasions in his personal life.
More than 2500 National Guard troops remain in Washington, DC, but that city has unique status in the federal government and is effectively helpless against Trump just like the people in his personal life. National Guard troops still in Memphis and New Orleans are there under the state’s Republican governors, not under Trump, like the people in his personal life.
Under Oath, Bondi Confirms That She Is a Clown
I wish I could feel superior here and armchair-quarterback what House Democrats should have done with Attorney General Pam Bondi in her testimony Wednesday.
But the format itself presumes that witnesses are hinged or at least corrigible.
The childishness and degradation of basic discourse was too painful and meaningless for me to watch (plus, I’d rather work on my upcoming original reporting than subject myself to that pointless crap). But the upshot may reverberate.
Questioned about her inept coverup of The Epstein Files™ and her inept coverup of the inept coverup, Bondi covered up for the coverup coverup, refusing to do even the bare Trump administration minimum and at least lie about it. She just flung insults with all the grace of a monkey flinging its own poop but after the monkey swore to Jesus that she would tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth not even poop.
As ranking Judiciary Committee member Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD) pointed out afterward, a Democratic majority in the House will give the party control of committees, including subpoena power — the ability to force Bondi to answer questions.
But, to be fair, I can understand why Bondi thinks she’s doing a good job. For one thing, she’s dumb. But also she’s done this before at congressional hearings, and even congressional Democrats keep voting to pay her salary.
Still, if Democrats are only funding this reluctantly, Republicans are eagerly fellating it, and praised Bondi for her performance. Except one.
Perennial Trump gadfly Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) was critical of Bondi and explained why fellow Republicans weren’t: “Nobody wants to get on the bad side of Trump … That’ll change once we get past our primaries.”
In other words, the entire Republican Party is going to turn on Trump as soon as they’ve won their nominations and need to start winning the votes of normal people. Get out your party balloons!
BANDWIDTH Although the Justice Department illegally and incompetently released The Epstein Files™ incompletely and partially, complaining how overworked they were, apparently they were able to carve out time to surveil Rep. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA).
Bondi flashed a cheat sheet she brought with her to the hearing titled, “Jayapal Pramila Search History.” It listed what Jayapal viewed in her review of the actually unredacted version of the unredacted Epstein Files™.
Jayapal said afterward, “It is totally inappropriate and against the separations of powers for the DOJ [Department of Justice] to surveil us as we search the Epstein files.” That’s true, but that also violates Jonathan’s Rules of Congressional Rhetoric, which prohibit members of Congress from complaining about shit without saying what they’ll do about it. In other words, people in power should say what only they can say, because they have power.
Any online commenter could’ve said what Jayapal said. But members of Congress aren’t commenters. Or even bloggers. They’re the goddam admins.
And yet, just last month, Jayapal and all but six House Democrats voted to fund the DOJ, and the surveillance of themselves. And voted to fund the same DOJ that just tried to indict Senate Democrats for making a video about upholding the law.
You fund it, you’re complicit in it. You bought it, you broke it.
So don’t just blog about Bondi. Impeach her.
And maybe stop funding all of this. Because the fiscal year ends in September, just about a month before the midterm elections.
LOWER RISK OF NON-SHUTDOWN The risk of a DHS non-shutdown reportedly is abating today.
Millions of Americans have been living in fear that the DHS might get new funding Friday at midnight, leading to more death and terror and concentration camps. Luckily, Senate Democrats reportedly have the votes to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Unluckily, DHS last year got an extra $170 billion from the One Big Beautiful Bill Act (OBuBBA) so it’ll probably not have to shut down much.
And if they tell you they’re canceling flights because the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is part of DHS, just know they could use those OBuBBA funds to avoid a TSA shutdown. Unless of course they spot an enemy party balloon.
American Weapons Turned 2,842 Gazans Into Mist
Israel’s assault on Gaza has killed more than 72,000 people so far. But fewer than 70,000 bodies have been found.
(Note: Sensitive (i.e., humane and empathetic) Newsfuckers should really skip this story.)
Al Jazeera reports that civil-defense workers in Gaza documented 2,842 deaths in which virtually nothing was left of the bodies. And, yes, these workers are overseen by Hamas, but also the Israeli Defense Forces itself confirmed that the Hamas-run health ministry got the death toll right, so nyah.
So what happened to those 2,842 bodies? In those deaths, Israel used thermal bombs that don’t just blow up, they spray and then ignite fuel, raising the temperature to more than 2,500°, which is so hot I had to use a comma in the degrees.
At those temperatures, the human body — 80% water — is effectively aerosolized, instantly, leaving little more than a wet mist.
So, who makes these weapons that turn flesh into Febreze? Al Jazeera was too polite to say, so I looked it up. And that’d be us. I mean, U.S.
Specifically, General Dynamics and Boeing made them. And then they were sold to Israel. Under a Democratic administration.
It’s Not Just the Flu Vaccine
The grownups keep scolding us to get outside our Commie pinko bubble, so here I am reading the Wall Street Journal editorial board like a good boy (who tortures animals).
And, oh, look, I’m about to get the sober, mature, far-right perspective on the Department of Health and Human Services. Do open my blinkered eyes, esteemed board of the journal of Wall Street!
“It’s hard to recall a regulator who has done as much damage to medical innovation in as little time as Vinay Prasad. …the leader of the Food and Drug Administration’s vaccine division rejected Moderna’s mRNA flu vaccine without even a cursory review. This is arbitrary government at its worst.”
Well, don’t stop there, respected elders! Tell me more, grownup media leaders! Do you have fresh information for this bubble-trapped, leftie group-thinker about Prasad overruling his own staff to reject even considering a vaccine estimated to be 27% more effective than existing flu vaccines?
“Our sources say the FDA has rejected only about 4% of applications without a review, typically when they are missing important information. That wasn’t the case with Moderna.”
And it’s not just Moderna, right, Wall Street wise ones?
“The FDA in recent days has rejected … gene therapy for the ultra-rare disease Hunter syndrome—which causes deformities and results in death in teenagers … the third rare disease drug Dr. Prasad has nixed in as many months for arbitrary reasons.
“His management has caused morale at FDA to fall and resulted in an exodus of veteran staffers. It’s also discouraging investment in innovative vaccines and drugs.”
Well, consider me enlightened, Wall Street Journal editorial board! Now if only you had broken out of your bubble and listened to us in 2024 before de facto endorsing the people who predictably are doing exactly what we predicted.
Trump Freed Jan. 6er To Go Molest Children
In yet another case of Pres. Donald Trump helping out a pedophile, it turns out one of the January 6 attackers he pardoned used his freed free time — when he would have been in prison — to molest children and attempt to buy their silence by promising them payoffs from Trump.
The Jan. 6 pardon recipients are pursuing restitution for being arrested and convicted of attacking the U.S. Capitol in order to overthrow the U.S. Congress and steal the U.S. presidency, all of which used to be crimes.
On Tuesday, a jury convicted Andrew Paul Johnson on five counts of child molestation and exposure. The victims were as young as 11, a fairly typical age for victims of Trump’s friends. (h/t)
Johnson was convicted in 2024 of having entered the Capitol through a broken window. He had just been sentenced when Trump pardoned him in 2025, and then almost immediately used his newfound, Trump-given freedom to molest children.
Johnson allegedly tried to cover it up by promising to pay off his victims with $10 million he expected to get for the indignity of being arrested for his Jan. 6 crimes.
The offer was seen as unusual, because typically Trump’s accomplices cover up sex crimes against children by having Trump name them to high-ranking positions in government.
Two Quickies
Mortgage delinquencies are rising for everyone, but especially the poor. New data from the New York Federal Reserve show that the delinquency rate is highest, and accelerating most, for poor homeowners. And your instinct to blame Pres. Donald Trump isn’t a bad one, per se, but it doesn’t apply in this case. As Axios’s chart shows, it’s the system, man!
No, abortions and miscarriages don’t cause breast cancer. Right-wing enemies of abortion rights have been saying they do for decades because that would be helpful for them. But a massive new Finnish study just finished off that lie. Researchers compared medical histories of almost 200,000 women and found no difference in breast-cancer rates correlating to whether their lower-down parts ever tried but didn’t finish making a baby. (h/t)
TCB
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Go get ‘em, kids! They’re running away all over the place and firing at balloons.
TFN creator and writer Jonathan Larsen co-created Up w/ Chris Hayes and wrote for Countdown with Keith Olbermann at MSNBC, helped launch CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° and Air America Radio, and has also worked at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Young Turks.
So we could bring this country to its knees if enough of us buy party balloons and release them all at the same time?
“this was the result of incompetence at the highest levels of the administration.” This applies to every fucking thing they do on a day ending in “y”