Wall-to-Wall Walz

Way more than you wanted to know or think about regarding Tim Walz

Aug. 7: Progressive win … Centrists on board because centrism isn’t real … Shapiro, Buttigieg campaigning even though they’re not veep nominee … Couch jokes … and more!

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Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN) and Vice President Kamala Harris at their first joint rally in their campaign to be promoted. (Screengrab / MSNBC video.)

TFN doesn’t do stanning, and neither should any self- or other-respecting Newsfucker. As a journalist, I take pride in being able to point out something damning, tawdry, unseemly, or at least unfavorable about any politician. Not because politicians are bad, but because they’re human, and we should appreciate them and each other on those terms. Let they who are without sin etc.

And, spoiler, I did find one (1) thing about Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN) that made me go ew. Naturally, it’s the kind of thing political consultants love.

One thing that made my cranky, contrarian journalist self happy was to find that Walz was a supporter of gun rights. Was. But then the number of dead people continued to rise. So now Walz no longer is. “I had an A rating from the NRA,” he said. “Now I get straight F’s. And I sleep just fine.”

Anyway, the down days will surely come, and Walz will screw up and we’ll all learn something we don’t like about him, so let’s revel while we may and enjoy an all-Walz and Walz-adjacent smorgasbord today, shall we?

The Politics of the Pick

Jacobin’s Branko Marcetic writes that Vice President Kamala Harris picking Walz signals if not a new era, then the extension of a new era: The rise of progressive politics within the Democratic Party and the rejection of the centrist hippie-punching made popular by Bill Clinton.

Marcetic cites a number of Walz policy positions, or at least his policy track record, to make the case.

• Free school meals.

• Paid family and medical leave.

• Strengthening worker protections.

• Free college for students from families making less than $80,000 annually.

• Gun control.

• Abortion rights.

• Transgender rights.

And, yes, Walz was the faculty advisor for the high-school’s gay-straight alliance chapter. In 1999. When his party was the party of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the Defense [sic] of Marriage Act. And, yes, Walz just banned conversion [sic] therapy [sic].

Walz could get away with that kind of stuff because he defended everyone. Walz effectively raised the minimum wage for workers at small businesses, the untouchablest of the untouchable employer class. He outlawed non-compete agreements. He freed workers to skip anti-union meetings at work without penalty. Lowered insulin costs for those who couldn’t afford it.

Walz forced medical providers to be medical providers — of essential care, anyway — for patients with medical debt. He stripped medical debt from credit-score calculations.

In Congress Walz rejected some trade deals and pushed back on others, to protect U.S. workers but also help U.S. farmers get their produce and dead animals into other markets.

He hasn’t been perfect on mining, but he hasn’t sold out the planet wholesale, either. And his climate record is not only remarkably strong, but he reportedly got some of his initiatives through a Republican-controlled legislative chamber. Which could come in handy.

He cut taxes on families by raising them on global corporations. He hiked the sales tax (which, regressive) to fund rental assistance (which, progressive). He opposed the Wall Street and auto bailouts, favoring direct economic support over trickle-down bullshit.

Even on Democrats’ current third rail, Gaza, Walz may not stand far from the party’s pro-Israel center of gravity, but he’s also been willing at least rhetorically to acknowledge and hint at the possibility that Palestinian lives have value. And to defend protesters. Social studies teacher!

Then there are the endorsements. Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) and Ilhan Omar (D-MN).

Marcetic semi-gleefully cites Walz’s widely circulated quotation: “One person’s socialism is another person’s neighborliness.” It’s a brilliant formulation because it’s true and because it lashes a loathed ideology to a beloved, universally cherished value to make the point that they’re the same thing.

Republicans can push back on that by eviscerating neighborliness, which I could see Donald Trump doing. Or they can push back by claiming socialism ≠ neighborliness, which I could see Sen. JD Vance (R-OH) attempting. But then you’d have to explain it. And if you’re explaining, you’re losing.

The Center Did Not Hold

Marcetic specifically contrasts Walz with Gov. Josh Shapiro (D-PA), arguing that Shapiro once upon a time would’ve been the easy, default choice. Not just on the politics of policy, but the politics of geography. Harris needs Pennsylvania!

But the argument that Harris should pick Shapiro to give her an edge in Pennsylvania I always thought missed the mark. Oh noes now Shapiro can’t deliver PA! But Shapiro, it turns out, is not dead.

And, in an interesting quirk of campaign law, you’re still allowed to campaign for Harris even if you’re not her running mate. In fact, history shows that MOST Democrats campaigning on behalf of presidential candidates are not their running mate!

Shapiro can now focus more on Pennsylvania since he won’t be winging around the country trying to win the rest of it. To wit, Shapiro gave a blistering speech in Pennsylvania last night.

And there’s an argument to be made that much centrism is really just careerism — fear of pissing anyone off. If Shapiro is guilty of that — which the Harris camp reportedly suspected — if centrism really is just ambition wearing ideological trappings, well, then, that same ambition will power those ambitious centrists to be as useful to the campaign as they can be.

Meaning, Shapiro won’t actually care if Harris and Walz are to his left. He’ll campaign hard for them regardless. Which is to his credit! Politics is for getting politicians to do what they wouldn’t otherwise!

Which might help explain why Walz got good marks from noted centrists and even conservative Democrats. Hillary Clinton, Sen. Joe Manchin (I-WV), and Rep. Dean Phillips (D-MN) were all vocal with their support.

But there’s another possible explanation lurking here.

The Underbelly of Centrist Support

Another reason centrists back Walz is racism and sexism. AOC’s right there and they hate her.

The Lincoln Project and The Bulwark — right-wingers hibernating their way through the Winter of Trump — both got on board with Walz.

And here’s how Manchin tellingly backed Walz: "I look forward to continuing to work with him to bring normalcy back to Washington" and Walz will “bring normality back to the most chaotic political environment that most of us have ever seen.” 

Normality is, of course, what Walz feels like to Manchin not because of his policies — which most normal people support — but because of his identity. Manchin likes Walz’s aesthetics. That’s right, the centrists are playing identity politics again.

Walz backs lots of positions Manchin would view as abnormal coming from a New York Boriqua woman.

But Manchin nevertheless said Walz will “bring balance back to the Democratic Party."

What exactly was out of balance before, senator? Why is it you didn’t praise the nomination of a Black, Indian-American woman as bringing balance back to the Democratic Party? Or is it maybe that Manchin himself is unbalanced?

Democratic-leaning-but-still-a-billionaire Mark Cuban disappointingly articulated this crypto-racist crypto-sexist line of praise about Walz. “People are tired of the ideologues and hate from both parties," Cuban symmetrically said about our asymmetrical politics. "They want to vote for normal people they can relate to.  Walz can sit at the kitchen table and make you feel like you have known him forever. That’s an incredible skill these days."

No, that’s racism and sexism.

It’s not Walz’s fault that he’s a white guy. But he’s certainly benefited from white guy privilege when he’s getting praised for being relatable to “normal” people. Who, we should note, are some of the weirdest fucking people around.

There’s a reason Walz kept winning a red, rural district even when he started casting progressiver and progressiver votes.

Walz benefits from the relief people feel when a guy who looks like him turns out not to be MAGA. He gets celebrated for inspiring that relief, even though that relief is just sexism and racism. When the celebrations should be for those who champion the same positions, always did, and don’t have the advantage of looking like a young Wilford Brimley, which could only be an advantage in a land of racism and sexism.

As former Democratic Rep. John Yarmuth of Kentucky acknowledged to Politico, the same positions that are radical coming out of Ocasio-Cortez’s face are actually shared by a vast majority of Americans.

“[S]ome consider [Walz’s positions] liberal,” Yarmuth told Politico, “but if you think about paid family leave, recreational marijuana, those are 70% or higher popular issues. You can’t paint them as being extreme when they have overwhelming majority support in the country.”

At least, not if they’re wrapped in a white, white-haired, 60-year-old, Lutheran male package.

After years of otherizing non-white non-dudes as radical for pushing things most Americans want, writer Heidi Moore rejoiced on Twitter, “FINALLY. They are talking about how leftist policy is MAINSTREAM. FINALLY.” She was RTing a clip of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg saying, “If you think making sure everyone in Minnesota had paid family leave is too far-left, vast majority of Americans think that’s a good idea.”

How about that, another not-vice-presidential candidate also somehow still able to campaign for Harris!

Other Reasons

According to Politico, a lot of House centrists were on the Walz train not because of centrism, but because of House-ism. House Democrats were tired of being an afterthought, especially in an administration led by two former senators.

They wanted a House veteran in the White House. And Walz over his dozen years in the House made allies all over the place.

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) was pushing for him. Per Politico, Walz “got help from Rep. Ann McLane Kuster (D-NH), who leads the New Democrat Coalition, and Rep. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA), who leads the Progressive Caucus, plus dozens in between.”

Having Walz in her corner could help Harris navigate the House better if she wins and wants to get legislation through a likely tightly divided chamber.

Then there’s Walz’s “lived experience.”

Sidebar! One thing the media hate is when progressives push policy for abstract reasons. Like helping millions of people.

Too many people are skeptical of policy pushed for the best, noblest reason: Imaginative empathy for strangers. That should be the highest form of politics. But, no, we have yet to evolve to that level, evolved Newsfuckers. Instead, it’s the personal motive that we revere.

And Walz has that. He voted for Obamacare in a district he had flipped from red to blue. That vote was defensible not because it helped millions of abstract faceless others but because Walz’s dad died of lung cancer when Walz was just 19. “The last week of my dad’s life cost my mom a decade of going back to work to pay off hospital debt,” Walz said.

That experience gives Walz cover for positions on health care that would make him radical if his last name ended in a vowel or if his manboobs were womanboobs.

The Attacks

Walz is already skilled at defanging standard Republican attacks (that are also centrist Democratic attacks on progressives). 

“What a monster! Kids are eating and having full bellies so they can go learn and women are making their own healthcare decisions,” Walz says.

Walz has already been criticized for his handling of the George Floyd protests. The main critique is that Walz didn’t send the National Guard in immediately. Me, I tend to think of hesitating to escalate as a good trait.

It’s true that tons of damage was done, but it’s also unknowable whether deploying the National Guard sooner would have led to worse outcomes. But enough of the merits, what about the politics?

Here, Walz benefits from almost four years of Republican hyperventilating about crime, Black Lives Matter, and our lost American cities. It’s such a mantra that there’s no way it wouldn’t get hurled at whoever was on the ticket, so it’s not clear it’ll be any more potent against Walz than it would have been against anyone else.

The same dynamic applies to Walz’s COVID policies. No one freaking cares anymore, dude I’m imagining speaking to.

What else have they got?

• Last year Walz restored voting rights to 55,000 ex-convicts. Which, feature, not a bug!

• There was a DWI for drunk driving in 1996. Now, like Trump, Walz doesn’t drink.

• His office fucked up the background checks for appointing the state’s cannabis regulator. They turned out to have a record of tax liens and illegal sales at their weedery.

One issue that really seems to be galvanizing Republicans is Walz ensuring providing tampons in school bathrooms for grades four through 12. All bathrooms. Because some kids using the boy’s rooms might be menstruating — and have a more difficult time getting tampons otherwise.

The Trump campaign yesterday called that a “threat to women’s health.” Which, weird. Even Republicans voted for the bill!

But because they can’t help themselves, now they’re calling him Tampon Tim. Smooth move! The party increasingly loathed for its lust for controlling women wants to stigmatize menstruation. Not to mention treating tampons, a necessary and helpful fact of life for people who menstruate, as a rhetorical weapon.

It’s been reported that both of the man’s kids were conceived via in vitro fertilization. I think that might be wrong and that maybe just one was IVF and the other fertility treatments. It doesn’t matter that much aside from the imperative to get shit right in journalism. But the larger point for Republicans should be whether you really want to raise reproductive and gender issues within a thousand feet of him. C’mon, man.

Thank a Journalist

Drop Site’s Ryan Grim tells the story of how Walz was losing his first gubernatorial race. Until a reporter uncovered and wrote about how his rival had used office staff for personal shit. Walz took the lead and won.

The Bigger the Cushion, the Sweeter the Pushin’

Okay, let’s talk about the elephant in the livingroom eyeing the couch. If you haven’t heard, an obviously fictional claim that Vance had sex with a couch has gone viral, giving the term “Love Seat” a whole new meaning.

Are some people believing it? I suppose. Everything is believed by someone.

But Democratic politicians aren’t claiming it’s true, they’re just having fun with how it resonates, because it perfectly captures the weird sexuality of the weird party and the weird vice presidential nominee.

So when Walz joked last night that he’d debate Vance, if Vance is “willing to get off the couch,” the right lost its mind.

Ross Douthat of the New York Times called it a “nasty lie,” which, again, reveals the party’s weirdness. It’s only nasty if you think there’s a moral component to it. But couch-fucking is a victimless crime (assuming it’s your couch).

Taking moral umbrage at fictional divanophilia just reveals your obsession with policing how other people sex — even when consent isn’t an issue.

That’s why this couch has legs that would make Queen Victoria blush. And that’s why Democrats think it’s funny while Republican Big Brains think it’s serious. Because they’re weird.

The One Thing I Found That Makes Me Go Ew

Walz is a hunter. He takes a gun and shoots pheasants dead. On purpose. For sport.

Ew.

There. That’s the one unalloyed thing I’ve found, along with some marginal policy beefs, that I don’t like about the guy.

I know, I know, pheasants are practically defined by their killability. Their shitty-ass marketing team hasn’t won them the same affection that makes, say, shooting eagles morally repugnant.

Still. It’s gross. As will be the sight of Democrats playing it up. Or Walz using it to big-dick Vance, saying, “I guarantee you he can’t shoot pheasants like I can.” Good for you, man. Way to kill birds.

Want More Walz Stuff?

Okay. I fulfilled my obligation as a cranky journalist to find something to grump about. It will happen again. Because that’s what Newsfucking means. But before we go, a few more Walz items for you to squee over.

• If Harris/Walz win, Lt. Gov. Peggy Flanagan (D-MN) will become the first Native American woman to serve as a state governor.

• One of his classes predicted the Rwandan genocide using a methodology he taught them. Social studies rulz yo.

• Walz speaks Mandarin.

• Taught in China for a year.

• And taught on South Dakota’s Pine Ridge Reservation.

Some of those are from Politico’s list of 55 things to know about Walz, if you’re still unsated. And they have a policy roundup that’s more exhausting than exhaustive, but it’s here for you policy wonks!

Oh, and both Walz and Vance are fans of Diet Mountain Dew, which apparently contains along with sugar and horrific chemicals some kind of cultural significance to which I’m not privy. 

My Personal Sweet Spots

Walz is a fan, or claims he’s a fan, of science fiction (or speculative fiction, if you prefer) and fantasy. He reads fictional stories for pleasure!

But that’s nothing compared to this.

In 2023, Walz Tweeted out four recent vinyl pickups. Three Dad Rock mainstays: Genesis, Moody Blues, and Steve Winwood. But also, be still my fucking heart…

Bad Luck Streak in Dancing School. By Mr. Warren Zevon.

And no, not the album with Werewolves of London. Poing being, Walz is a Zevon fan, Newsfuckers.

How big a fan? He complained when Zevon WRONGLY didn’t get into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. And then, last night…in his first speech as vice-presidential candidate, with Harris at his side… he quoted paraphrased Zevon.

Walz said we’ve still got 91 days left and we’ve got the energy and drive to do everything necessary to win this. Because we’ll sleep when we’re dead.

Correction

Yesterday, your dedicated TFN reported that Walz first got political after he and two students were denied entry to a Pres. George W. Bush rally because one student had a John Kerry sticker on his wallet. That was 2004.

Well, reportedly, Walz got political a couple years earlier, attending a 2002 activism seminar after the death of Sen. Paul Wellstone (D-MN). It’s not clear whether Walz has fudged this story, or some media outlet botched the whole “first political thing” thing, but either way, your repentant TFN got it wrong yesterday and we wanted to (a) set the record straight, (b) apologize, and (c) assure you it will happen again cuz that’s journalism for ya.

TCB

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Go get ‘em, kids!