Anchor to Steer Navy

Enemy hosts will soon have to face a real host

Nov. 13: Fox anchor to take the helm of the U.S. military … Trump names CIA chief to ignore … Huckabee is embarrassing ambassador to Israel … Jan. 6 convicts demand pardons or else they’ll recommit the crimes they should be pardoned for …

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Future Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth made headlines in Feb. 2019 with his strategic decision to reveal that he leaves his hands defenseless against germs. (Screengrab / Military Times Access Hollywood video.)

Former Current reality TV star Donald Trump has cast fellow TV personality Pete Hegseth to play the role of secretary of defense.

Hegseth is a military veteran and also yet another Christian nationalist who attended Harvard and Princeton. As a coastal elite, Hegseth even wrote entire books.

He is also an Afghanistan and Iraq combat veteran and has survived multiple incidents of Fox & Friendly fire.

Hegseth’s post-military service includes commanding the screen on Fox, where he enlisted in 2014. He never rose to the rank of solo anchor, sharing command responsibilities with co-hosts and occasionally tasked to other missions, including:

• All-American New Year,

• Unfiltered with Dan Bongino, and

• Fox & Friends Weekend.

Hegseth has served as honorably as a Fox host can, co-hosting the weekend show since 2017, routinely firing off lethal questions, surgically targeting desirable demographics, and receiving an honorable discharge from Fox on Tuesday.

Initial reports haven’t specified how many troops Hegseth actually led at his top rank of Army National Guard captain. But he has years of experience commanding legions of well-armed, if elderly, armchair warriors.

Now, Hegseth will be tasked with running an $800 billion operation with an estimated 2.7 million military and civilian personnel stationed in 178 countries. That we know of.

Perhaps the best metaphor for the challenge ahead of Hegseth is that running the Pentagon is uncannily similar to co-hosting a cable TV show.

Also, Hegseth will get approximately 5,000 nuclear bombs.

When Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) was told that Trump had selected Hegseth, and then was told who Hegseth is, she reportedly said, “Wow.” As in, “WTF wow,” rather than “so cool wow.”

According to the Constitution, the Senate has to vote on Hegseth’s nomination unless Trump decides it does not. Some early congressional reviews:

• “Interesting.” — Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC).

• “I look forward to getting to know him better.” — Sen. John Hoeven (R-ND).

• “Who?” — Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-LA).

• “Great choice.” — Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA).

Hegseth has already initiated a campaign of shock and awe in Washington. More like “aw,” actually. But mostly shock:

• One unnamed former Trump official: “Shocked.”

• One unnamed Defense official: “Everyone is simply shocked.”

Hegseth has spent years training his sights on America’s enemies: Iran, Afghanistan, women in the U.S. military, and the rights of everyone in uniform.

Last week, Hegseth said, “I’m straight up just saying, we should not have women in combat roles.” He said, “Men in those positions are more capable.”

Reportedly, Hegseth has a problem with women in the Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, Army Special Forces, Marine Special Operations, and infantry, armor, and artillery units.

He added, “Woke shit has got to go.”

In June, Trump said if he returns to the White House, which apparently is actually happening for real, “The woke stuff will be gone within a period of 24 hours.” It’s not true, of course, since literally the go-to analogy for how long it takes to change the direction of big things is an aircraft carrier.

And who better to target transgender people and fix the makeup of the military than a man who’s spent more time in hair and makeup than anyone in the military?

Anyway, the important thing is that wokeness will walk the plank so truly qualified people can take leadership positions. No longer will unqualified people rise through the ranks based on non-relevant criteria now that a cable co-host is getting picked because “Trump … thinks he has the look.”

Hegseth said the issue is strength, so presumably his first recruit will be Olympic boxer Imane Khelif. Although he’s an opponent of combat vaginas, Hegseth is a reliable ally of accused war criminals equipped with penises.

While working at Fox, Hegseth privately advised Trump to pardon accused-by-his-own-troops war criminal Eddie Gallagher. The Navy SEAL allegedly killed a wounded prisoner of war by cutting his throat, and as a sniper knowingly killed civilians in Iraq, including an elderly man and even a woman even though she wasn’t in combat until very briefly she was.

Trump obviously overrode the counsel of top Pentagon brass and decided to pardon Gallagher because he liked the cut of his jib.

Despite Trump’s alleged hostility to armed hostilities, his choice for Defense secretary used to be executive director of a group called Vets for Freedom, which reportedly pushed for sending more U.S. troops to Iraq and Afghanistan and probably other places that needed some freedom.

Although he’s supported whatever Trump has said about anything troop withdrawals, Hegseth wrote in college that, “A strong military is absolutely essential to bringing long-term peace and stability to the world.”

(Longtime Newsfuckers may recall yesterday’s TFN, in which we newsfucked the fucking news that Trump has already named another military hawk to be his National Security Adviser. Suck it, isolationist MAGA.)

Hegseth has no known experience whatsoever with branches of the military other than the Army. That said, his qualifications for running the Air Force including being on air and shooting pilots. Hegseth’s maritime background includes navigating treacherous Jesse Waters. He’s also survived the relentless forever-bombing of Waters and Greg Gutfeld.

Hegseth, it’s worth noting unless you’re legacy media, appears to come from the ranks of Christian evangelists seeking to Jesus-ify the United States military.

He said his own National Guard unit barred him from inauguration duty in 2021. “[M]embers of my unit in leadership deemed that I was an extremist or a white nationalist because of a tattoo I have, which is a religious tattoo,” said Hegseth, explaining in July that it’s a Jerusalem Cross.

As fellow Substacker and author Jeff Sharlet writes, the cross is a symbol of the holy war against Muslims but also against Jews (sshhh). Sharlet grabbed shots from Hegseth’s own writing, and found a guy who already sees America as a battleground:

Sharlet contrasts Hegseth’s horrific statements with the anodyne, airbrushed coverage Hegseth is getting in the media. And, in fairness, we’ll see whether any Democrats are willing to bang the drum on any of this.

Military Religious Freedom Foundation founder Mikey Weinstein, however, is absolutely going to lose his fucking MRFF shit.

Interestingly, like Trump, Hegseth is on his third marriage. Also interestingly, unlike Trump, Hegseth doesn’t wash his hands.

While Trump is a notorious germaphobe, because he believes in germs, Hegseth is not because he does not. In fact, in 2019 Hegseth revealed his own national-security secret, saying on Fox that he hadn’t washed his hands in ten years. He didn’t identify what horrific incident drove him to wash his hands back in the 2010s, but his symptoms suggest he may be suffering from PTVSD.

Hegseth’s combat experience includes launching an unprovoked attack against America’s enemies at … West Point. Hegseth’s battlefield judgment led him to fire an axe at a West Point drummer during a Fox & Friends segment.

Video shows Hegseth’s axe striking West Point Hellcats drummer Jeff Prosperie, definitely a Muslim.

In Prosperie’s after-action report, he concluded that “the anchor person went rogue,” calling it a “poor decision” and “obvious negligence.”

Hegseth is expected to get much higher marks from Republican senators.

And Trump has to be thinking about the greatest battle in front of him: The War of 2029 in which U.S. troops will be called to keep his 82-year-old necrotic McDonald’s dumpster of a flesh housing in the White House.

Center for Strategic and International Studies Senior Adviser Mark Cancian told the Associated Press, “I think Trump was tired of fighting with his secretaries of defense and picked one who would be loyal to him.”

Of course, that just pushes the front lines of Trump’s assault further down the chain of command. By selecting someone with zero experience navigating military leadership either from within or in politics, Trump has ensured his point man at the Pentagon will be about as well-equipped to execute Trump’s unconstitutional, dictatorial dictates as Donald Rumsfeld’s troops were equipped to invade Iraq.¹

Historians note that Hegseth’s nomination is the most serious suicide attack on the Pentagon since Sept. 11, 2001. And is, of course, a direct result of 9/11. Only this time, it’s the victims committing the suicide.

Intelligence Not Central to Agency of Central Intelligence

RePresident-elect Donald Trump has picked a veteran of the War Against Hunter Biden to lead the Central Intelligence Agency.

Former Rep. John Ratcliffe (R-TX) also served as Trump’s director of national intelligence (DNI).

The first time Trump nominated Ratcliffe to the post, the Senate balked at Ratcliffe’s partisanship. (It was a more innocent time.)

After Ratcliffe withdrew his nomination, Trump made Richard Grenell acting DNI.

After a few months of that shitshow, the Senate essentially said “Fine, fine, you can have Ratcliffe. Jesus Fuck what the Hell?”

Interestingly, and to Ratcliffe’s credit, he didn’t hesitate to flag Russia’s efforts to undermine the 2020 presidential candidacy of Joe Biden, who won anyway. Anyway, what could go wrong?

Zionist Christian Nationalist Hauls His Ambass to Israel

Fulfilling the long-held desires of millions of Americans yesterday, President-elect Donald Trump announced that he’s sending former Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-AR) thousands of miles away from America.

Huckabee will be the U.S. ambassador to Israel.

Over the course of his life, Huckabee has produced a significant quantity of white Christian nationalist works, including TV shows, books, and his daughter Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who became governor of the state where her father was governor based purely on merit not any kind of diversity bullshit.

Huckabee the Elder is one of the most high-profile examples of a certain kind of Israel-loving American right-wing Christian. The kind that wants to support Israel for as long as it takes to fulfill the Book of Revelation prophecy of Israel’s destruction.

Despite his radical beliefs, Huckabee is fairly close to the official, longstanding U.S. support for a two-state solution. Coming just one state short, Huckabee supports a one-state solution, which must be within the margin of error, right?

“[T]he title deed was given by God to Abraham and to his heirs,” Huckabee said because he actually believes it.

What Huckabee doesn’t believe in is Palestinians. Like, that they exist. “There really isn’t such a thing,” said Huckabee. He has said the Oct. 7 attack on Israel was worse than the Holocaust, because Hamas posted about it on social media, which even Nazis didn’t do. Not on 𝔛 , Facebuch, or even Blausky.

Anyway, the important thing is that Arab-American voters sent Vice Pres. Kamala Harris a message.

Jan. 6 Convicts Demand Trump Pardons Or Else

CNN reports that advocates for the criminals who attacked Congress and tried to steal the presidency should be pardoned by RePresident Donald Trump for their crimes the way poor violent criminals shouldn’t be for economic crimes.

Jan. 6 attorney John Pierce told CNN that, “Unless the president pardons everybody, he is going to get some significant blowback.” Pierce’s comment was seen as a veiled threat that the convicts and their supporters might go so far as to send Trump a stern letter.

There is some concern that the Jan. 6 convicts could go so far as to peacefully protest or even invade Trump’s inbox with a forcefully worded petition.

Trump spokeswoman Karoline Leavitt told CNN, “President Trump will make pardon decisions on a case-by-case basis.” The Department of Justice actually has a rigorous process for pardon applications that involves consulting with judges, prosecutors, and victims and assessing whether applicants have atoned for their actions and attempted to become contributing members of society Trump’s gut.

TCB

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1. Flashback: They were not.