Corporate Overlords Revealed as Giant Surrender Monkeys
America’s billionaires fold like cheap suits before Trump
Dec. 16: Non-assassinated CEOS bend the arthritic knee … Trump eyes immigration carveouts for food and construction … Trump talking to advisers about privatizing the post office … Last-ditch effort for ERA ratification …
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For decades, both parties have lionized business leaders, especially the richest of them. Even Democrats — once the party that welcomed the hatred of banks and told U.S. Steel where to shove it — have bought into the myths, recruiting business leaders to run for office despite government being precisely the opposite thing from a business.
Business leaders, we were told, were not only geniuses. They worked hard. They were tough as U.S. Steel.
We’ve known for a while that the genius myth was bullshit. Now it’s all being exposed as also bullshit by none other than RePresident-elect Donald Trump.
Ironically, Trump was never among their ranks. In Manhattan’s monied circles, Trump was a wannabe, a vulgarian from Queens. But now he’s showing us all just how feckless and weak America’s robber-barons are.
It’s worth considering that maybe they rose to power and riches on those qualities; not toughness, not leadership. But cravenness. Obsequiousness. Because it turns out the C in CEO stands for sycophant.
After all, are these supermenschen leading Trump now? Are they dominating him in any way whatsoever? In fact, these almost-all men are lining up to supplicate themselves before Trump, pre-emptively.
The Wall Street Journal reports that they’re motivated by exactly the qualities that got them where they are (okay, that’s TFN’s paraphrasing, but still, tell me I’m wrong!) — fear and greed:
Titans of the business world are rushing to make inroads with the president-elect, gambling that personal relationships with the next occupant of the Oval Office will help their bottom lines and spare them from Trump’s wrath.
In the weeks since the election, Trump and his advisers have been flooded with calls from c-suite executives who are eager to get face time with the president-elect and his team at Mar-a-Lago … A business consultant close to Trump is advising corporate clients to engage with Trump in any way they can and emphasize common goals, such as tax and regulatory changes. Clients are already angling for spots on whatever business advisory panels the new president may form.
Lest we forget from just nine paragraphs ago, these are the Homo superior to whom we’re supposed to entrust our political fates. And now we’re learning exactly who they are and which companies they’re coming from. To wit:
Billionaires who could afford their own armies are paying tribute to Trump in the form of donations to his inauguration fund. Jeff Bezos of Amazon and Facebook manchild Mark Zuckerberg are humbly offering $1 million each, and tidying up their respective platforms to make them more hospitable to Trump.
At a Mar-a-Lago dinner, Zuckerberg reportedly put his hand on his heart and stood as the national anthem was sung by accused Jan. 6 attackers. Bezos is flying down this week for a royal audience and Royales with Cheese.
Patrick Soon-Shiong is also gilding his Los Angeles Times in Trumpian hues. Killing an editorial endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris wasn’t enough. Reportedly, Soon-Shiong just human-sacrificed an editorial criticizing Trump’s taste in cabinetry.
Apple CEO Tim Cook had dinner with Trump on Friday, asking for Trump
not to discriminate against gay people like Cookto help Apple defy European laws, which actually require Apple to do fucked-up shit like pay taxes and fines.Google CEO Sundar Pichai reportedly won an audience with his Trumpship last week.
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman reportedly is busily using his own $1 million inauguration donation to paper over his rifts with Chief Trump Toady Elon Musk.
Time magazine owner and Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff Tweeted, “We look forward to working together to advance American success and prosperity for everyone.”
JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon showed up for a talk to listen quietly and keep his $2.6-billion mouth fucking shut so he could learn something from Trump National Security Adviser Rep. Mike Waltz (R-FL)
When Trump rang the New York Stock Exchange opening bell on Thursday, senior executives reportedly lined up like cattle behind the velvet rope from companies including:
Charles Schwab, Citadel, Goldman Sachs, Meta Platforms, Visa. Right-wing academia bully Bill Ackman was there trying to get a glimpse of his favorite superhero. So was Robert Bigelow, a titan of aerospace and real estate, fanning like a Swiftie.
Another 15 unnamed — show yourselves, you cowards! — corporate titans will abase themselves at a fundraiser Thursday bearing $1 million offerings for their great golden god.
MICKEY MOUSE LAWYERS Leave us not omit the bold media moguls who run ABCNews Disney. On Saturday we learned that ABC backed down from a fight it could have won.
Trump was suing ABC for defamation after anchor George Stephanopoulos referred to Trump, a rapist, on air as a rapist. The settlement agreement, signed Friday, includes a million dollars to cover legal costs that apparently just happened to total precisely one million dollars, and a $15 million donation to Trump’s presidential library, previously located in his bathroom at Mar-a-Lago.
Funny thing is, all ABC had to do was wait a month and Trump obviously would have dropped his lawsuit. Because Trump’s lawyers have been very clear that presidents can’t be distracted by lawsuits.
What Craven CEO Creampuffs Are Getting from Trump in Return
America’s billionaires aren’t just fawning over RePresident-elect Donald Trump out of habit (fawning and compromising their integrity being how they rose to the top of the money-making shitpile).
They’re also motivated by greed! Which is also how they rose to the top of the money-making shitpile.
So now they want Trump to do things that will make them money in the short-term until it blows up everything. And they definitely don’t want him to do things that will cost them money in the short-term.
So now Trump is already walking back his promise to walk undocumented immigrants back to Mexico.
Because Trump is now reportedly aware of how much immigrants are an economic boon to the country.
So the alleged/bullshit “day one” mass deportations will instead be surgical, targeting criminals. No mass deportations. No MAGA happy dance. As the Wall Street Journal explained, CEOs outrank MAGA:
“This isn’t going to be neighborhood sweeps and military vehicles going through the city,” [Trump border czar Tom] Homan said…
The decision also reflects some concern over economic impacts to key sectors such as housing and agriculture, [a source] said.
In other words, billionaire CEOs need that cheap, undocumented labor. They need to keep producing crap for consumers to consume and they don’t want to have to pay more to hire Murkans.
So, to help out Wall Street and his billionaire CEO sycophants, Trump will let undocumented immigrants stay to pick and package our food and build our homes. And MAGA’s biggest anti-immigrant loudmouths? Surely they’re alerting the MAGA ranks to this betrayal? Well, don’t call me Shirley:
Trump’s hard-line immigration backers say they have noticed a retrenchment. They say they are holding their fire to attempt to influence the incoming president before they criticize him openly…
One frustrated Trump ally said: “When you keep excluding people from mass detention and deportation and saying ‘we’ll get the worst of the worst first’—well, guess what, that also happens to be Biden’s immigration policy.”
Oh my sweet, naive, xenophobic dude, you’re so close to getting it you could almost cross the border.
Genius Tough-Guy CEOs Can’t Figure Out How to Beg for Mercy from Tariffs
The Trump2.0 presidency obviously poses a lot of threats to humans generally but also to humanity’s god, The Global Economy.
RePresident Donald Trump’s deregulation could lead to a crypto cryptastrophe serving as the first domino in a global economic meltdown. Or we could do another old-fashioned, old-school economic meltdown derived from derivatives.
But then there’s the option that even CEOs are smart enough to see coming: The self-inflicted damage of Trump jacking up prices on everything imported into the country. So they want to get Trump to back off his tariff threats.
But these geniuses reportedly can’t figure out how to manipulate the most shallow, ego-driven, un-strategic human known to biology:
Trump isn’t budging.
That has left business executives scratching their heads about how to lobby for exemptions from the steep tariffs Trump has promised on imports from China, Canada, Mexico and other countries.
So far, executives are facing setbacks as they canvass Trump’s aides for advice on how to influence the president-elect’s next steps.
Got that? The so-called geniuses who employ armies of so-called geniuses are seeking advice from the kind of people so stupid that Trump hires them.
Trump Considering Closing the Post Office
RePresident-elect Donald Trump reportedly is interested in selling off the United States Postal Service.
The Washington Post reports that Trump has been discussing it with transition officials and members of the new administration who have been tasked with agreeing with him.
The post office is, naturally, one of the most beloved parts of the federal government and does an amazing job day in and day out. Ergo, it must go. But how come?
Because it’s not profitable. “Profitable” being a word that typically means taking more money from us than the value of what we get in return. Which, not what you want in your government!
In this case, the USPS isn’t profitable because Republicans passed a law preventing it from being profitable. That law requires the post office to have, on hand, the pension funds it will need to pay its retirees for 75 years.
That’s the year 2099, so far away it’s home to a fictional Marvel universe.
Jacobin did a fantastic piece on the USPS more than ten years ago. It not only explores the congressional crippling of the postal service, it digs up some history I’d never heard of that is muy relevant.
Once upon a time, the USPS was a hub of civic life. On Sundays — after organized labor liberated Sundays from the robber barons — people who didn’t want to go to church would hang out at…the post office!
So, churches responded the way one does in a free market and improved their services lobbied to shut the post office on Sundays. The post office even offered banking services to protect especially poor consumers from the predations of big banks.
God and Mammon have cost us so much cool shit that we used to have!
So privatizing the post office is just the next step on a trajectory that began decades ago and is taking us away from the Great that we were told Trump was going to Make America Again.
Biden Urged to Finalize Equal Rights Amendment
Pres. Joe Biden is being urged by more than 120 congressional Democrats to have the National Archives publish the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA), the last, formal step required before it’s enshrined as more than just law, but part of the document that shapes our laws.
Because the ERA would make women equal to men in the eyes of the law, however, there is obviously a hitch. Similar hitches have arisen throughout history when women have, for instance, sought to get paid more than a fraction of male salaries. Or were up for a promotion.
There was a hitch!
In the case of the ERA, Congress has ratified it and so have enough states. But some of the states did so after a deadline which was imposed by Congress, like assholes.
Thing is, the Constitution doesn’t say Jack about a ratification deadline, even if it is an amendment for Jills. So the ERA proponents say the deadline is invalid, and the ERA critics Republicans say the ratification is invalid.
On a related note, meet your House Republican committee chairs for 2025-2026:
No women. And no Black people. It’s 1948 again, folks! Except, y’know, the other side won.
Publishing the ERA in the National Archives would likely spark legal battles ultimately ending up in the Supreme Court. But if Biden does direct the National Archives to publish it, at least Democrats will be showing up for the fight.
One leader pushing for publication is departing Rep. Cori Bush (D-MO), who told the Washington Post it’s really important for Biden to do this now given who the rapist-elect is. Bush told the Washington Post, “We were hoping to be able to be progressing forward as it comes to gender equality and women’s rights, but we are going backwards, and at this point we [have] an avalanche of destruction coming our way.”
Who’s Up for Some Depressing Shit Out of Gaza That Trump Will Totally End Next Month?
The death toll in Gaza has now topped 45,000, Palestinian health officials announced this morning. More than half were said to be women and children whose terrorisming must have been very serious indeed.
Republicans are so determined to stop the mounting death toll that they’ve voted to end it entirely. The toll, not the death.
House Republicans on Wednesday sent the Senate a Pentagon spending bill that would bar the U.S. military from citing Palestinian health officials, because Hamas runs the government. The Palestinian death toll numbers have been verified after the fact by numerous other organizations, obvi.
But if the new spending bill passes, the Pentagon will have to use none sources for the death toll, because there are none others.
One thing Gaza is not running out of is amputations. In fact, child amputations are running at a surplus. Israeli attacks reportedly have created “the biggest cohort of children amputees in history.”
This is just one reason people are very angry. Polling shows people really very much don’t like child amputations.
The number of amputations may be about to drop, however. Because an Israeli drone or tank just killed northern Gaza’s last orthopedic surgeon. Again: Very angry.
Despite claims of increased humanitarian aid getting in to Gaza, World Food Programme Executive Director Cindy McCain (no relation) said yesterday that only two trucks got through last month. Famine conditions are now present in parts of Gaza and, McCain said, “We need a ceasefire, and we need it now. We can no longer sit by and just allow these people to starve to death.” (h/t)
Hang in there, Trump is on the way!
Three Quickies
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., Donald Trump’s Health and Human Services nominee, will make the Senate rounds this week to try to win votes for his confirmation. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) is old enough to remember the days before the polio vaccine, thanks in part to him getting polio that still hampers his mobility. And McConnell is VERY NOT HAPPY ABOUT FUCKING WITH POLIO VACCINES, THANK YOU.
Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly is debating whether to run for governor of California in 2026. Spoiler: She will or she won’t.
One of Pres. Joe Biden’s clemency thingies turned out to be the judge who took money for sending kids to private prisons, a crime which drove your otherwise calm TFN to white-hot newsfucking rage. A ton of people got pissed off about Biden commuting his sentence, apparently forgetting that the whole point of clemency is to show mercy to people who did shitty things that drove Newsfuckers to white-hot rage. Here’s a good argument for clemency, which we should have more, not less of. And if the left isn’t arguing for more merciful, expansive clemency, who will?
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“But cravenness. Obsequiousness. Because it turns out the C in CEO stands for sycophant.” Very, very funny.
Reading that list of CEOs who are kneeling to the self-proclaimed king made me think of what beta males these guys are. You're absolutely right, Jonathan, THESE are the ones who are "titans"???
" members of the new administration who have been tasked with agreeing with him. "
Love this statement...not the sentiment, but exactly how correct of an explanation this next administration is.