Effing Housekeeping (feel free to ignore)

Now watch, you’ll all open this one out of perverse curiosity. There’s no news in here, okay? It’s all navel-gazing.

I just felt I owed you a check-in, especially since I decided to bail on Friday’s and Monday’s TFNs. Because the (re)vived TFN is turning two weeks old! And I want to share how we’re doing…

First, the bad news: As soon as I relaunched TFN, with the subscriber list from the Pre-Trumpocene Era, TFN lost a whole bunch of former newsfuckers due to dead email addresses and dead-inside subscribers no longer up for fucking the news every morning. Hey, I get it. We all get old. If we’re lucky.

So, here’s what the dropoff looked like, right off the cliff the instant TFN (re)launched:

The good news is, as you can see in the current subscriber chart below, TFN bottomed out almost instantly and has been growing ever since.

Don’t sweat that plateau on the right — it’s just the weekend, which I took “off” because I’ve got a lot of other stuff on my plate, too, as an unemployed newsfucker trying to entrepreneural-link myself to a sustainable income. The upside is that when I do send out TFN or original reporting, people notice and some of them find a home with TFN. Welcome, newsfuckers new and old.

The Bad News: The number of TFN subscribers still isn’t enough to make TFN sustainable.

The Good News: It will be if TFN’s growth continues.

The BN: TFN can’t grow without your help.

The GN: Helping is easy! Just tell people why TFN is your home for news.

TBN: Not enough of you are doing that. YET.

TGN: Some of you are! I see you, beautiful newsfuckers!

And you’re not alone. TFN has a really good open rate. Newsfucking subscribers actually read TFN a lot more than subscribers to other shit read said other shit. (I am, of course, tanking my own open rate with this here email, subtitled “Feel free to ignore.”)

But it’s not just subscribers who think what we’re doing here matters. In just our first two weeks:

— Nicole Sandler graciously/ridiculously made TFN a Monday feature on her radio program.
— SiriusXM’s Joe Sudbay had me on, too.
— Salon cross-posted TFN.
— So did Religion Dispatches.
— Rep. Jared Huffman gave TFN an interview.
— Rep. Mark Pocan quote-tweeted TFN!

This exposure helps TFN grow, but it doesn’t just happen; that’s part of why I decided to skip the Friday/Monday TFNs. Until enough folks are sharing us organically, I gotta spend time spreading the word. Because Growth is a jealous god.

Also, I’m still torn between the newsletter and original reporting. I want to improve TFN, but also to keep reporting. TFN reports on the National Prayer Breakfast got a lot of attention, but it was the newsletter that generated more paid subscriptions. So I’m still working to find that balance. (You better believe I have more bombshells — dare I say revelations? — in the pipeline.)

But as much as my ego would rather TFN inspire paid subscriptions — through the kicking of ass in my original reporting — than noodge free subscribers to chip in, the reality is that original reporting just doesn’t drive subscriptions the way it should. And the universe ain’t no meritocracy. (Why can’t you be a meritocracy, universe?!?)

So for now that means taking time to push TFN on my own. Because I really want to make TFN work. Original reporting. Podcast. TV show. T-shirts. International dance-off. Invasive software. Tasteful nudity. Centrist both-sidesism and vapid polling “analysis.” The works!

My dream is to prove the viability of journalism that marginalizes fringe figures and glamorizes collective systemic action — focused less on conflict and more on exposing toxic consensus — using actual brain-thinking to inspire meaningful civic discourse centered on making humanity more humane and on discrediting bad ideas without dehumanizing the lost bozos who succumb to them.

No to horse races and tea leaves. Yes to cursing and jokes about doody.

You might ask, doesn’t a potty-mouth name and URL hurt the cause? To which I stand athwart history and declare to the gods: Maybe!

But it’s also a reminder that we routinely accept systems and norms that kill and impoverish people … so don’t fucking @ me about crossing some bullshit linguistic line that even Chaucer didn’t give a fhit about. In other words, it’s called The Fucking News precisely to alert worshipers of bullshit norms that you should not have come here — and to assure people who care about fhit that really matters that they, you, have a home here.

So, welcome home, newsfuckers.

I’ll share some of this housekeeping periodically if there’s any interest. But in the meantime, your regularly-scheduled TFN will be back in your inbox on Tuesday just like any other two-week-old: stinking of poop but bursting with potential and a disturbingly large fontanelle.