Musk Blasts "INCOMPETENCE" of Government in Which He Is
Heads may roll or sort of semi-roll
Feb. 25: Musk Tweets about Trump administration “incompetence” … White House utterly fails to make Musk email bullshit black-and-white … House to vote on Trump budget (maybe) … Trump confirms tariffs coming (just not which ones) …
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After a weekend of Elon Musk threatening to fire federal workers if they didn’t meet a deadline of midnight last night to list recent work accomplishments — and federal managers responding by telling workers to pay no attention to the man behind the hurtin’ — the administration of Pres. Donald Trump spent much of yesterday trying to clarify exactly what the fuck the executive branch of the U.S. government was doing.
So, for your newsfucking edification and enjoyment, and possible brain-hurting, here are just a sampling of communications from the White House yesterday. Keep in mind that “the White House” includes Trump, his spokespeople, Musk, and the Office of Personnel Management (OPM), the office that conveyed Musk’s request for millions of federal employees to email their work accomplishments.
Also keep in mind that yesterday’s statements were ostensibly to clarify what the fuck the White House is doing/attempting to be doing. Where listed, all times are local and/or batshit:
Trump (1:30pm-ish) — “[B]y asking the question, tell us what you did this week, what he's [Musk’s] doing is saying, are you actually working? And then if you don't answer, like you're sort of semi-fired or you're fired, because a lot of people are not answering because they don't even exist1…”
Question — “Some of the agency heads instructed their employees not to respond. They're waiting on further guidance. But Elon Musk's tweet said failure to respond would be taken as a resignation. So there's been a disconnect in communications. Are you concerned at all about that?”
Trump — “No, no, no. That was done in a friendly manner. Only things such as perhaps Marco [Rubio] at State Department where they have very confidential things, or the FBI where they're working on confidential things. And they don't mean that in any way combatively with Elon. They're just saying there are some people that you don't want to really have them tell you what they're working on last week.”
OPM — Agency heads can “exclude personnel from this expectation at their discretion.”
OPM (before 3:51pm) — “This afternoon, OPM … informed agencies that employee responses to the OPM email is voluntarily [sic]… [and] OPM also clarified that a non-response to the email does not equate to a resignation [or sort of semi-resignation].”
White House spokesperson Karoline Leavitt (before 4:51pm) — “Everyone is working together as one unified team at the direction of President Trump. Any notion to the contrary is completely false.”
Musk notion to the contrary (6:51pm) — “The email request was utterly trivial, as the standard for passing the test was to type some words and press send! Yet so many failed even that inane test, urged on in some cases by their managers. Have you ever witnessed such INCOMPETENCE and CONTEMPT for how YOUR TAXES are being spent?”
[No.]
Musk (7:06pm) — “Subject to the discretion of the President, they [federal workers] will be given another chance. Failure to respond a second time will result in termination.”
Wait, what? What second time? This was posted before the first deadline! Is there a second deadline? Uh, when?
And if you’re feeling a little unclear on the larger message, you’re not alone. Let’s take a look at some headlines to determine how well Delonald Trmumpsk cleaned up their trmesspk. See if you Newsfuckers can spot the clear, unified narrative!
See? The Trump administration is all on the same page. Of totally different newspapers.
And here’s the last sentence of a report on all of this from The Hill, which summarizes things nicely:
Good luck, The Hill!
The entire cabinet is expected to have its first full meeting with Trump today, so it’ll be everyone back on a unified message … and then after it’s over immediately back to savaging each other off the record for their INCOMPETENCE.
Of course, Trump was flat-out lying when he said all the agencies responded in a friendly manner. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) warned employees that the OPM email might be “a phishing attempt.”
The American Federation of Government Employees is suing, because OPM doesn’t have the authority to ask anything of workers in other agencies, let alone fire or sort of semi-fire them. U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly said yesterday that, “Based on the limited record I have before me, I have some concerns about the constitutionality of U.S.D.S.’s [U.S. DOGE Service] structure and operations.”
And even Senate Republicans are calling the whole fuck-up fucked up or sort of semi-fucked up.
And then, at 1:28am this morning, because sleep-deprived people are geniuses, Musk posted a new feature at the DOGE website: Squid Games but for federal agencies. He’s now ranking them for “efficiency.”
Call me cynical, but it doesn’t seem to me like DOGE has either the full information, let alone the wisdom, to assess whether funds spent keeping toxins out of our water are more “efficient” than funds spent keeping oxygen moving through a sick veteran’s lungs. But at least Musk and TFN can agree that there will likely be some initial mistakes in the relative rankings.
See? It’s not at all as if Musk released an admittedly mistake-riddled ranking of the agencies, right after they defied him, in order to punish them for defying him!
(This is a preliminary news account, and there will likely be some initial mistakes in the assessments of Musk’s idiocy.)
MEDIA SIDEBAR The big point of those clashing headlines up above is that they reflect the uncertainty about what the hell Musk is doing and to what extent Musk has the backing of the president if it comes down to firing or semi-firing anyone.
But the headlines also reflect a media problem. They’re all certain. Each headline individually states a very clear position. Trump breaks with Musk. Or backs him.
The real story should be the lack of clarity and certainty. Media reluctance to appear themselves uncertain does us no favors when their desire to appear certain makes the Trump administration appear to be clear, let alone competent.
EXCLUSIVE: TFN IDs Worker Who Failed Musk’s Email Order!
The Fucking News can exclusively report that the head of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is going to be fired or at least sort of semi-fired for failing to respond to Elon Musk’s ingenious method for identifying non-existent people.
Musk said non-responses would reveal workers who either weren’t working (and therefore not checking emails) or literally didn’t exist.
As it turns out, a government attorney who does exist said in court yesterday that the head of DOGE isn’t. Or doesn’t. Same thing!
In a hearing, the judge asked Justice Department attorney Bradley Humphreys who runs DOGE. Humphreys didn’t know.
The judge, Colleen Kollar-Kotelly, said, “I would hope that by now we would know who is the administrator, who is the acting administrator and what authority do they have.”
None, your honor, because they’re getting sort of semi-fired!
Trmumpsk Stage Biggest Turing Test in Human/Non-Human History.
Maybe as a philosophy major I’m inclined to see things through that lens, but at this point it seems as though not only are we dealing with Schrödinger's muskrat, but we may also be conducting a wholesale version of a famous philosophical exercise, the Turing Test.
Seventy-five years ago, actual genius2 Alan Turing invented the idea that, in a day when computers might simulate human intelligence, a series of questions might reveal their computer-ness.
That’s basically what Elon Musk was doing with his email request, in his non-genius way. Musk’s demand for “approx. 5 bullets” reeks of an attempt to foil an automated response. It reeks of someone who’s been hurt before when he thought the chatbot really loved him.
Congressional GOP Equally Dysfunctional
Remember congressional Republicans? They’re facing a March 14 government-shutdown deadline. Oh, and they also have to pass an actual for-real budget to reflect the priorities of Pres. Donald Trump, whatever those priorities happen to be the moment the vote is held.
The not-shutting-down legislation reportedly is close to a consensus except for one teeny thing. There’s no reason for Democrats to back a deal — which will be needed for Senate passage — if Trump won’t abide by it the way he’s not abiding by previous spending laws.
So Democrats are holding out for … something? … in a shutdown-deal bill that would somehow have more force than the force of law that Trump is currently ignoring in the current budget.
But even beyond the short-term not-shutting-down bill, there’s the federal budget for the year, which is supposed to reflect Trump’s priorities, namely to magically cut government spending without cutting government services and simultaneously cut taxes without cutting revenue.
Trump has called on the GOP to pass the House budget. But the Senate passed a Senate budget. And it’s not clear the House GOP has the votes to pass a House GOP budget. Or a Senate budget.
Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) said there was gonna be a vote on the House GOP budget today. But as of last night, he didn’t have the votes, so who knows.
So far, Johnson has shrugged off concerns from “moderate” Republicans (who support the radical Republicans who are now all the Republicans) about cutting hundreds of billions of dollars in spending on food and health care for the poor and others who like food and health.
But even with the “moderate” votes, Johnson still hasn’t won over a handful of GOPers who want more cuts. Hilariously, that could mean those moderates have already gone on the record for massive cuts hurting their own voters … just to pass a bill that can’t pass.
For instance, and also for bellylaughs, Rep. Nicole Malliotakis (R-NY) said last night that she was reassured by GOP leadership about Medicaid. How so?
Leadership told her they would increase the Medicaid burden that falls on the states. Which is simply the other side of the coin she said she opposed: Cutting the federal burden.
But here’s the real sleight-of-hand Malliotakis learned last night. You’re not “cutting” Medicaid if you label what you’re cutting as waste, fraud, and/or abuse. Now you’re saving it. Hocus pocus!
And sure enough, Malliotakis said, “There’s a lot of space to address the issue without hurting beneficiaries [if you call enough beneficiaries criminals].”
MEDIA NOTE Again, there’s mixed messaging in the headlines out there. Everyone’s sure … but of different things.
Just say we don’t know!!! It’s okay!
Guy Trump Tried to Fire Back at Work Fighting Trump’s Other Firings
Remember how the one-thirdedly Trumpian Supreme Court refused (for now) to let Pres. Donald Trump fire Special Counsel Hampton Dellinger? Well, Dellinger’s back at work. Fucking with Trump.
Dellinger’s job running the Office of Special Counsel (not to be confused with the Justice Department prosecutors) involves protecting federal whistleblowers but also some worker rights. Including from bullshit firings.
Yesterday, Dellinger announced he’s asking the Merit Systems Protection Board to pause some of those massive probationary firings Trump and Elon Musk have pushed through. (The Merit Systems Protection Board has a 2-1 Democratic lean…because a federal judge blocked Trump’s attempt to bounce a Democratic member.)
Trump Has Trained the Global Economy to Ignore Him
The United States represents the world’s largest economy. It is the bedrock upon which the alleged stability of Earth’s economy rests. That bedrock consists not only of the U.S. gross domestic product but also of the good faith and credit of the United States government, the axiomatic belief that the U.S. can and will pay its debts.
Yesterday, Pres. Donald Trump said the U.S. might have been robbed of its money.
And no one blinked.
Trump’s remarks came in a totally unsolicited aside. In response to approx. zero questions about the subject, Trump volunteered the possibility that the United States of America might have been burgled and not known it.
“We're actually going to Fort Knox to see if the gold is there because maybe somebody stole the gold, tons of gold.”
Seems important!3
But Trump is such an unserious person that no one even asked a followup. No one took him seriously enough to ask what the fuck he was talking about.
Not a single outlet asked for comment from Auric Goldfinger. CNN didn’t even book a debate between Danny Ocean and Johann van der Smut.4
Trump Confirms Real Threat to Economy in Addition to Non-Existent Gold Thieves
Pres. Donald Trump yesterday confirmed that next week he’ll raise prices Americans pay on stuff made or partially made in Canada or Mexico. Maybe?
“The tariffs are going forward on time, on schedule,” Trump said. His tariffs will add 25% to the cost of stuff made in America’s two neighbors.
Trump appeared to indicate that Mexico and Canada had not done enough play-acting with soldiers and shit on the quiet borders to justify canceling the tariffs, but who the fuck knows with this clown car full of monkeys dressed as clowns.
In fact, Politico to their credit notes that Trump’s remarks were sort of semi-ambiguous. Was he talking Canada and Mexico? Or was he referring to threatened tariffs against every country that currently puts tariffs on U.S. products?
Who knows. Which is why people are learning to pay no attention to the man behind the hurtin’.
Taking Action
Some dates/details unconfirmed! For pencil-planning purposes only…
Upcoming Actions
Feb. 28: “Hit Them In their Profits” — a day not to buy things.
March 7-14: Amazon — A week of buying nothing from Amazon. We can do this!
March 14: National Strike — If you can, and if you need an excuse to skip work, this is the day.
More here that I’ll try to sort through and list.
Resources
TCB
NEWSFUCKER DU JOUR Here’s the message a recent Newsfucker allowed me to share with you folks when she upgraded to a paid TFN subscription:
Thank you, Wendy! Humor and truthful reporting — exactly what I’m aiming for! TFN is a reality-coping mechanism.
But unlike a lot of other Substackers, Substack isn’t a side hustle for me. It’s my front-and-only hustle. I publish original reporting on my other Substack, and I fuck the day’s news consensually here at TFN. All of that is only possible because more of you are joining up every day, and a small handful of you are making donations or upgrading to paid subscriptions to ensure that I can keep doing this and that everyone can read it all for free. Thank you.
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Go get ‘em, kids! Remember, they can’t even figure out what to tell us they’re doing…
TFN creator and writer Jonathan Larsen co-created Up w/ Chris Hayes and wrote for Countdown with Keith Olbermann at MSNBC, helped launch CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° and Air America Radio, and has also worked at The Daily Show with John Stewart and The Young Turks.
Totally fabricated lie. Is it possible thousands of emails won’t have people associated with them? Sure — they just fired thousands of people. So this hunt may require the wasted effort of identifying and removing people they’ve already identified and removed.
And borderline fucking superhero/martyr.
Yes, I’m planning a full writeup on this, because there’s enough idiocy here to fill Fort Knox, especially now that Fort Knox is empty.
Movie references, respectively, for you lazy Newsfuckers: Goldfinger, Ocean’s 11, Goldmember.
One possible good thing I was realizing coming out of this dumpster fire.. is that I, and possibly many others, are learning more about what government does. To be honest, I follow politics and, yes, in college I took courses on state and federal government, but only now am I realizing such detail about what departments are involved and what and how much they all do.
so...electing a degenerate sociopath president who then elevates another degenerate sociopath to an all-powerful, non-accountable position whose goal is to destroy the federal govt wasnt such a good idea after all?...who knew? 🙄
we're not going to survive this bullshit & nonsense, treachery & fuckery, are we? 🤨