Oh, No. A Shutdown. Whatever Might That Be Like.
It's not clear whether Senate Democrats should vote for House funding bill, except to everyone but Senate Democrats
Mar. 12: Senate Dems meeting to weigh shutdown vote … House Dems warn Senate Dems not to vote for fucking bullshit … Trump halves Education Department … More tariffs stupicidiality …
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Here’s a news alert I got from CNN last night:
The House passed a so-called continuing resolution yesterday, to avoid a government shutdown Friday at midnight and keep the government funded (in theory) until September. Now it goes to the Senate.
It’s important to note that this bill was written with no Democratic input. No negotiating. No compromises.
In other words, Republicans didn’t do the work to get Democratic support. Meaning that if Senate Democrats don’t support it, it will be the Republican failure to get Democratic buy-in that will trigger a shutdown. Not the Senate Democrats as the CNN news alert suggested.
So, what should Democrats do? The way legislation works is that legislators in both chambers typically do not vote for bills that are steaming piles of walrus doody.
House Republicans, meanwhile, are playing chicken with their walrus doody. They fled Washington after their vote — meaning it’s theoretically less realistic to expect them to come back if the Senate passes anything but the House bill, which would then need House passage.
Senate Democrats are meeting today to weigh their options or to pretend they haven’t already decided. What should they do? Well, let’s get crazy and look at the actual bill, shall we?
Typically, in face-offs over looming shutdowns, Democrats wear John Travolta’s face by accepting some cuts to non-military spending and Republicans wear Nic Cage’s face to accept cuts to military spending.
This time, because Republicans weren’t interested in Democratic votes, the bill cuts $13 billion in non-military spending and raises death-machine spending by $6 billion.
But as the AP points out, the bill also lacks the spending directives of past bills. Meaning, for the first time, Congress would send the president a funding bill that lets him decide what to do with the money.
That’s what Pres. Donald Trump’s already doing, but now Congress is poised to say that it’s cool.
Democrats have warned, for instance, that money going to fight fentanyl could be diverted to use for deporting dangerous Latin American gang members regardless of whether they exist.
What the media need to understand is that getting Democratic votes means doing the work beforehand to win them over. In the event a majority party fails to get minority-party buy-in, Robert’s Rules of Order clearly state that the minority has no moral obligation to bail out the majority.
This is known in parliamentary procedure as “Fuck ‘em,” previously referred to as “Fuck those assholes,” and known by the founders as “swive yon ærsholeſ.”
Senate Democrats obviously should vote against this1. And before anyone gets pissed at me for oh noes beating up Democrats, allow me to introduce you to House Democrats, who knew full well they were aiming these comments at Senate Democrats:
House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY): “It [the bill] is not something we could ever support. House Democrats will not be complicit in the Republican effort to hurt the American people.”
Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT), ranking Appropriations Committee member: “This is Republican leadership handing over the keys of the government, and a blank check to Elon Musk and to President Trump.”
Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA): “It [Senate Democratic votes] would be a capitulation to the Trump style of democracy, which is the movement of democracy to dictatorship.”
Rep. Dan Goldman (D-NY): “If the government shuts down with a Republican House, Republican Senate and Republican president, it will be solely because the Republicans have moved forward with a terrible, partisan, take-it-or-leave-it bill.”
So what do Senate Democrats say? They’re mostly non-committal. Like leaders!
Asked whether Republicans will get the eight Democratic votes they need in the Senate, Rep. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA) said, “That’s not going to happen.”
And what does TFN say? If Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) can’t get the House a better vote, he should resign as Senate Democratic leader. Now, does that make me a raving socialist who hates the Democrats?
Oh, wait, that wasn’t TFN, that was a direct quote from an unnamed centrist leader Democrat, who told CNN: “If Chuck Schumer can’t get us a better vote, he should resign,” asking, “What’s the plan? What’s the strategy? There isn’t one.”
Democrats should have told Republicans before yesterday’s House vote that they were a hard no. That would have put the media on notice that Republicans owned this bicameral clown house.
But, but, won’t a shutdown be bad? I mean, yes, but also we’re all aware that they’re already shutting down, right? We’ve had weeks of stories about Trump shutting down government piece by piece and all of a sudden people are gonna think oh noes the Democrats wanna shut down government?
The only reason I can think of to help pass this bill is that Republicans in a procedural vote unilaterally surrendered the power to vote on restricting Trump’s stupicidal tariffs. That would’ve been great to campaign on against “moderate” Republicans after the tariffs make their full impact known on our faces.
REPUBLICANS Once again, the sole reason another bill has passed is that Trump lobbied for it.
Rep. Andy Ogles (R-TN) got a call from Trump, leading Ogles to flip from undecided to unundecided. Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN) got a call from Trump Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, which has got to sting, even if it wasn’t a drunken butt-dial.
The handful of far-right GOP budget hawks have finally been tamed, going deep state now, aiding the existential threat of debt they’ve spent their political lives railing against because now they get to be the ones killing America and enslaving our precious underfunded, -fed, and -educated children. And they’re admitting it.
House Freedom Caucus Rep. Clay Higgins (R-LA) gave Politico a remarkably self-aware quote about which he seemed utterly un-self-aware: “It’s much easier to be flexible within the parameters of our own core principles,” Higgins said, “when we’ve been deeply involved in crafting the legislation.”
Flexible about your principles. Because now he gets to sit at the table. In other words, Trump empowered them, so now they’re happy not using their power.
Trump sidelined Democrats from negotiations. Trump pressured congressional Republicans to get in line. Trump engineered this. Senate Democrats should let him get it across the finish line.
Trump Education Department to Cut Staff in Half Using Math
A spokesperson for the U.S. Dept. of Education said yesterday that Pres. Donald Trump will deprive the American people of half the federal government’s support for education. As soon as it figures out how to calculate fractions such as “half.”
Under Pres. Joe Biden, history’s greatest monster, 4,133 people worked for the Education Department, helping American schools and helping students not get fucked by American schools. Yesterday, 1,300 of those people were fired, with more to go to come. As the New York Times put it, Trump is:
“...effectively gutting the agency that manages federal loans for college, tracks student achievement and enforces civil rights laws in schools.”
Education Secretary Linda McMahon said the cuts will enable her agency to operate more efficiently and won’t affect federal grants, student loans, or funding for special-needs students. Ironically, McMahon’s previous job in wrestling involved pretending that fake injuries did hurt, rather than pretending that real injuries won’t.
Especially hard hit by the definitely not-hard-hitting cuts was the office for civil rights, which is probably a good thing because the office is now focused on protecting white cis male students from civil-rights violations such as facts.
Reportedly, two-thirds of the country oppose closing the Dept. of Education, which the Trump administration apparently doesn’t understand because, again, fractions.
The department appears to be afraid of the repercussions from yesterday’s layoffs. Employees were told to vacate the building yesterday by 6pm — assuming anyone left can still count to 6 or spell “pm” — and that all the department’s offices will be closed today “for security reasons,” apparently referring to securing the administration against people with educations.
FLASHBACK Longtime Newsfuckers may have caught our deep-dive newsfucking last year of the right wing’s animus toward federal anything of education, but if you’re new in this here parts, prepare to not be shocked that it’s yet another vestigial organ of the U.S. failure to fucking finish the goddam Civil War.
Canadian Colonies Win Revolutionary War Against Mad King
The Canadian colonies yesterday delivered a humiliating defeat to their mother country, effectively breaking off as a new, independent nation.
America surrendered after breakaway rebel Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced plans to strangle the colonialist powers in Washington by cutting off the natural resources America has been exploiting; specifically, Canadian electricity. Ford had threatened to increase power prices with a 25% tariff — or, in his indigenous tongue, a “fuck you you fucking fish-brained mad masturbating gargoyles” surcharge — after Washington’s term-limited lame-duck king had said he would double tariffs on Canadian steel and aluminum to 50%. Which would be paid by Americans.
The secessionist Canadian colonies yesterday forced the American king’s emissary, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, to agree to talks as if Canada were a peer meriting equal status as a “nation.”
Ford and Lutnick are expected to hold talks on Thursday, celebrated in future-Canada as “Independence Day.” Of course, that’s assuming Lutnick still has a job on Thursday (#Foreshadowing).
Steel and Aluminum Just Got More Expensive You’re Welcome America
Pres. Donald Trump this morning slapped a 25% tariff on all steel and aluminum coming into the United States, which will allow domestic producers to raise their prices without getting underbid by international sellers.
It’s the first set of tariffs Trump has applied in this term that affects imports regardless of country of origin. Alcoa CEO William Oplinger warned last month that Trump’s tariffs could kill as many as 100,000 American jobs, even those of people who voted for Trump because he was definitely going to save them from job-killing Mexicans.
The European Union and Canada retaliated today with new tariffs on U.S. products — some of them targeted specifically at red states, making this the first known instance of a tax on lack of intelligence.
Canada’s 25% tariffs on about $20 billion of U.S. goods starts Thursday. The EU’s retaliatory tariffs will start next month on shit like boats, motorcycles, and alcoholic beverages you shouldn’t consume while operating boats and motorcycles.
Trump Creates New Job of Trump Scapegoat
The Trump administration is looking at bringing on Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick as a newly appointed scapegoat for Pres. Donald Trump. If appointed, Lutnick would be blamed for Trump’s uncanny ability to fuck up a functioning economy in less than two months.
That’s according to five unnamed sources who told Politico about Lutnick’s imminent scapegoat designation without mentioning that they’re the ones working to make it happen. They want Lutnick so gone that they told Politico both that Lutnick is too close to Trump and also delivering a conflicting message.
Weirdly, Politico also reported that Lutnick is seen as having what they described as an “abrasive” personality, as if somehow it were possible that the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald might not be great at working with other humans who aren’t paid to think he’s awesome.
With the Dow sliding 500 (more) points yesterday — in a glorious union of causation/correlation after Trump’s not-good-at-thing-saying flesh cavity at the front of his face made more tariff noises — there’s new urgency to find someone to blame other than the pickled-brain owner of Trump’s face hole.
The Trump White House issued a statement of support for Lutnick, a well known precursor to public decapitation and the feeding of limbs to rabid weasels jacked on horse steroids.
Two Quickies
The Trump administration reportedly is considering blocking Cuban immigrants from coming into the country. Pres. Donald Trump got increased support in last year’s election from Cuban voters. Adding Cuba to the coming list of travel-ban countries is believed to be Trump’s way of making sure that everyone who votes for him knows that eventually he will make room in his busy schedule to fuck them.
Even before the government shutdown, Pres. Donald Trump is shutting down yet another piece of government. The AP reports that absolutely unqualified Housing and Urban Development Secretary Scott Turner (whose radical Christian theocracy pretty much only TFN keeps yelling about) is shutting down a $1 billion program to maintain low-income housing and keep it livable, just as Jesus commanded in the Newer Testament. The program was passed by Congress back when “Congress” was a thing and it was ordered shut by the Dept. of Government Efficiency because apparently it’s inefficient to keep 25,000 people housed.
TCB
ROAD TRIP / GRATITUDE TRIP You all are crazy and I love you for it.
More of you Newsfuckers upgraded your subscriptions to paid yesterday than in any single day since I started this. Why? Because I fretted that my road trip visiting colleges with my son would fuck with my TFN output and tank TFN revenue. Do you not see what you’ve done?
You’re now incentivizing me to do less work. We are now living in Joe Manchin’s nightmare. At this rate, I might have to start doing weed and playing videogames.
In all seriousness, all of your support — and I’m including not just noobfuckers but also all the OGs who signed up last year — is just incredibly moving. It not only makes this trip possible, it literally changes the experience by letting me breathe a little easier. Thank you for that, for your kind words, and for caring enough to engage with the news even when it’s hard.
As I keep saying, if the growth rate can sustain its current levels, TFN is on track to become financially sustainable this year. Wow. Who says media is in crisis?
TAKING ACTION Upcoming days listed for action/inaction:
Today-The Second Coming: Tesla boycott.
Now till…? 40-day Target boycott lasts until, um, I’m not sure when it started so I don’t know when it ends? Anyone got detes I couldn’t find?
March 12-14: Amazon Blackout — No Amazon, no Whole Foods, no Prime orders, and TFN is gonna throw in the Washington Post, too.
March 14: National Strike and march on Washington.
March 21-28: Nestlé Blackout (water wars, child labor)
March 28: Economic Blackout #2
April 7-13: Walmart Blackout (‘nuff said)
April 18: Economic Blackout #3
April 21-27: General Mills Blackout
Resources
CONNECTING Come say hi on Bluesky, Mastodon or Spoutible!
Go get ‘em, kids! The people are awakening...
TFN creator and writer Jonathan Larsen co-created Up w/ Chris Hayes and wrote for Countdown with Keith Olbermann at MSNBC, helped launch CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° and Air America Radio, and has also worked at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Young Turks.
I can’t actually swear that this is the best course of action — because the future is not ours to know — but god damn it’s satisfying to act certain!
Here's the 'letter' I sent to my Senators (Durbin & Duckworth), Congressman (Quigley), and Majority Not-Really-Leading-Leader Schumer:
Any Democratic vote in favor of the Republican budget bill now before the Senate is an endorsement of the priorities of the Trump administration and MAGA. It is not a vote to avoid a government shut-down. The Republicans have all the votes they need to pass that bill entirely on their own.
The entire Democratic caucus should vote no on the Full-Year Continuing Appropriations and Extensions Act (H.R. 1968). Those of us who believe in the rule of law, the Constitution, and the importance of government programs such as Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, education, environmental protection, food and drug safety, responsible immigration policies, etc., need you, our elected representatives, to stand together and lead the opposition to the attack on government and the rule of law by MAGA.
You are most likely going to lose this vote, but you don't need to do so in silence. Just follow Justin Trudeau's example and say clearly to the country: It is this administration, these Republicans who are deliberately trying to crash the economy, increase unemployment, destroy your savings, raise the cost of living, and make you less safe.
This right here is a complete keeper: "Ironically, McMahon’s previous job in wrestling involved pretending that fake injuries did hurt, rather than pretending that real injuries won’t."