“Speaker Johnson Was Staying on His Knees”
April 24: Ukraine, Israel aid passes … Global pandemic pact … Noncompetes lose … Climate Corps …
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Pres. Joe Biden today will sign $95-billion legislation to give U.S. arms dealers money in return for weapons for Ukraine, Israel, Taiwan, and pretty much anywhere else that an arms race will lead to everlasting peace.
The Senate approved the bill last night, but mainstream media still haven’t told the full story of how the Ukraine funding made it through the House.
Way back on April 10, your otherwise-humble TFN reported that Ukrainian evangelical Pavlo Unguryan — a longtime insider at The Family, the secretive group behind the National Prayer Breakfast — was working both Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to see the war as one for “religious freedom.”
In other words, literally the only people who saw this coming were America’s evangelical news junkies, and the Satan-loving, Hell-bound blasphemers who read The Fucking News.
Salon has been cross-publishing my reporting, but other than them, the mainstream U.S. media didn’t pick up on Unguryan until Sunday, when the Washington Post mentioned him in passing. Newsweek followed. On Sunday, TFN reported more details, including the Christian Broadcasting Network interview with Unguryan — and a Ukrainian evangelical who lost family to the Russians — about meeting with Johnson right before his big, public flip.
And this morning, the Financial Times reports that Unguryan refused to give them any details on what he said to Johnson. Unguryan merely shared the aw-sweet story of praying together. “Speaker Johnson was staying on his knees and praying for Almighty God to give him the wisdom to do this very important decision to make a right decision,” Unguryan said about Johnson’s decision to make a decision.
Allow me to stop and stress that at this point, right now, all of you lovely Newsfuckers still have more insight into the religious maneuverings and meetings that moved the speaker of the House than do readers of all those “insider” Washington newsletters. In fact, they’re still a step behind. Why?
Because your faithful devoted TFN is the only outlet that’s also reported what Unguryan is telling evangelicals they’ll get in return for helping Ukraine: That they can shape Ukraine’s future. And since Unguryan is a longtime foe of LGBTQ+ and reproductive rights, we’ve seen that future in the grim past.
And last Thursday, loyal Newsfuckers again learned something only American evangelicals knew: That Unguryan was now pitching that Ukraine would serve as the “Bible Belt” for “liberal” Europe.
It’d be nice to be sanguine that the same Democrats approving Ukraine aid will police U.S. influence to prevent the right’s notion of “religious freedom” from accompanying U.S. weapons to Ukraine, but the track record so far suggests otherwise.
World Nations Unite to Repeat COVID Mistakes
Next month is the deadline that almost 200 countries agreed on to strike the world’s first pandemic accord. A draft document of the deal reportedly has been delivered, and the world’s nations are poised to reach an historic consensus that yeah they’re not gonna sign it.
Some of the stumbling blocks include a lack of trust due to the pharmaceutical companies that run the United States (also known by its brand name, Unstazentra™).
The fear is that the next pandemic could be worse than COVID, which killed seven million people (and counting!) and, even worse, threatened capitalism itself by causing trillions of dollars in losses for rich people and revealing to the rest of us that we don’t have to live like this.
Despite fears of the next pandemic, the sticking points also include disagreements over sharing information, which, after all, is worth money. On paper, the U.S. is on the right side, backing a deal that would be legally binding and expand access to medicines around the world. Off paper, other countries don’t think U.S. pledges are worth the paper they’re printed on in handwriting no better than the shit you can’t decipher on most prescriptions.
Noncompete Agreements Can’t Compete with FTC
I keep finger-yapping on my keyboard about how Pres. Joe Biden is hurting in the polls because instead of offering a vision of systemic change, he’s handing out Band-Aids™.
And this week, he’s doling out boxes of them. (Because as any political consultant will tell you, there’s no better time to roll out obscure federal actions than when your rival becomes the first ex-president to go on trial — for criminal charges of hiding from voters the fact that an un-wife lady let him touch some of her nakedness with parts of his nakedness, respectively.)
On the other hand, I must consider whether I’m being unfair by always bashing Biden’s Band-Aids™. FDR, for instance, also stitched together his New Deal as a patchwork of federal programs. He didn’t just touch fists with Uncle Sam and shout, “Shape of Ice Socialism!”
And unlike Biden, FDR didn’t have an unhinged lunatic dogging his every move and taunting him with nicknames like President Rollsevelt. (Okay, FDR had an actual Hitler to deal with. Fair. But even Hitler Classic didn’t have his own show on X, so.)
Anyway, in the spirit of FDR-style patchworks, I hereby authorize Newsfuckers far and wide to feel good about the new boxes of Band-Aids™. Let’s start with one that will help millions of workers…
The Federal Trade Commission voted 3-2 yesterday (Democratic appointees vs. Republican appointees), to ban noncompete clauses for virtually everyone except top executives (who don’t need the help, thank you very much).
Approximately one out of five workers is subject to a noncompete clause. That’s about 30 million people. And because noncompetes prevent workers from using job offers as leverage to win raises or promotions, and even from quitting to form their own business in the same industry, the FTC estimates that with noncompetes gone, workers in the U.S. could reap an extra $300 billion every year.
Naturally, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce balked instantly, which it can afford to do with all the money its billionaire donors can afford to give them because they pay workers so little. The Chamber said it will sue to save noncompetes, because killing them will “undermine American businesses' ability to remain competitive.” Oh nooes!
So, here’s how we know that’s bullshit. For one thing, where will that $300 billion ultimately go? Back to the corporations. Why? Because that’s where all our money goes.
Also, noncompete clauses don’t just bar workers from jumping jobs, they stop companies from hiring those workers. Noncompetes hurt businesses, too, by stopping them from hiring, let alone poaching, the best people for the jobs they need to fill. The only businesses helped by noncompete clauses are businesses that otherwise couldn’t compete for the best workers.
The Chamber of Commerce, despite its Ye Olde Main Streete-sounding name, doesn’t represent Mom-and-Pop or Mom-and-Mom or Pop-and-Pop stores. Those stores are represented by your local chamber of commerce (I hope). The U.S. Chamber of Commerce represents oligarchs. And since the oligarchs already have all the money, the U.S. Chamber of Horrors fights instead for what the oligarchs don’t quite have yet: Total control. Which means no competing.
Climate Corps Jobs Launch
Pres. Joe Biden on Monday also announced a batch of new Climate Corps stuff, including the launch of the Climate Corps jobs website. And, yes, it’s got echoes of FDR all over it. The highlights:
The Climate Corps will employ more than 20,000 people.
Those >20,000 Climate Corps people will do actual climate stuff (mostly mitigating rather than preventing, but mitigating is good, too!)
About 2,000 jobs are already listed.
Available jobs are listed in 36 states.
The first jobs will start in June.
And, yes, if you’re morally obliged to find fault with everything Biden does, and Gaza feels too off-topic, please enjoy the TFN kitchen’s savory reminder of Biden’s consistent willingness to keep American oil taps flowing and oil wells drilling. Which is very bad and dumb and bad, politically and planetly.
Like all jobs created by Democrats, these new Climate Corps jobs will tighten the labor market, making it more difficult for corporations to exploit workers, motivating corporations to import more undocumented workers who will instantly become citizens, vote for Biden, get law degrees, become prosecutors, and weaponize the Justice Department against D4FRFP1 Donald Trump.
Even More Biden Band-Aids™ That Will Do Good Things
Starting July 1, companies will have to start paying millions of workers overtime when they work overtime.
Who, you might ask, denies workers overtime pay for overtime work? Rich people! Why? Because they can! How can they? Because they wrote the rules! How come they write the rules? Because they’re rich people! #CircleOfLife
The Labor Department yesterday announced that most workers whose salary is less than $43,888 will now have to get extra pay for working extra hours. In 2025, that salary threshold goes up, and rich people will have to pay overtime to most workers making as much as $58,656.
Vice President Kamala Harris on Monday announced more new rules. These will increase the hours of nursing time that residents have to get at all but the smallest nursing homes that receive federal funding. The new rule applies to about 80% of America’s nursing homes, with 1.2 million residents. At the moment 75% of them are understaffed.
The new rules will force those nursing homes to hire about 12,000 registered nurses and 77,000 aides, costing the rich people $7 billion dollars that they might otherwise have spent on 15,555 personal trips to space.
Oh, and now home-healthcare companies will have to spend at least 80% of any federal money they receive on salaries for home health aides, rather than the padded salaries that the rich owners pay themselves.
Heather Cox Richardson has more about all these new rules, with more detail, higher-toned language and a calming sense that everything is all right.
How We Know Biden’s Band-Aids™ Have Razor Edges
One thing Heather Cox Richardson doesn’t have — can you tell I’m feeling insecure today? — is how we know that Pres. Joe Biden’s actions are significant: It’s not just that everyday people will benefit, it’s that non-everyday people are squealing.
Let’s take the American Action Forum (AAF), which calls itself a “center-right” think tank so you won’t remember that the right has dragged the center so far that it’s now further out in the void than Wile E. Coyote right before the fall.
On Monday, AAF assessed how much last week’s new Band-Aids™ will cost AAF’s billionaire paymasters. The AAF wrote that “There has never been a week quite like this” in more than a decade, quantifying scores of new Biden rules and their estimated cost to American companies:
And that was just one week! The AAF also complained about an “added 4.7 million annual paperwork burden hours.” Which is weird, because I was told they love the dignity of work.
Then AAF’s president weighed in! OoooOOOOoooo! On Tuesday, AAF Commander-in-Chief Douglas Holtz-Eakin complained that so far the Biden administration’s rules and regulations have cost companies $1 trillion.
Later on Tuesday, the Republican-controlled House Oversight Committee Tweeted out AAF’s numbers, complaining that “President Biden has somehow managed to make the federal government astronomically more inefficient & expensive.” (The rules didn’t actually make government more inefficient, they added work for the private sector, but we can’t expect the House Oversight Committee to cavil on the ninth part of a hair, now, can we?)
What the House Oversight Committee also didn’t get was that their Tweet was a massive self-own. Even if we stipulate that AAF’s numbers are right (I know, I know), the fact that U.S. corporations are still recording record profits despite the Biden-shackles proves that we actually can afford to make everyday life better for most Americans with, yep, rules and regulations.
And now the Oversight Committee has given us the proof that The Squad can go right ahead and crack down on rapacious corporations — without tanking the economy — and improve life for hundreds of millions of non-rich people. Can’t believe the Oversight Committee didn’t realize they were doing that. What an Oversight!
TCB
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Go get ‘em, kids…!
D4FRFP = Disgraced, quadicted, fraudster, rapist, former President.
I'm going suggest another much needed band aid, stop allowing investment groups from buying homes and businesses. They buy the businesses and run them into the ground.
Note to self: Reading anything before fully filling your coffee meter leads to Hell-bound being read as Hell Hound WOOF!