Trump Chickens Out

Won’t take stand to defend himself in one place on Earth where lying is a crime

May 21: Trump defense to rest … Trump to rest his mouth instead of taking the stand … Senate border bill … AIPAC vs. Bowman …

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Criminal defendant Donald Trump addresses media on May 14, 2024, outside the courtroom, where it’s safe to lie. (Screengrab / PBS video.)

The defense of D4FRFP¹ Donald Trump in the case of The People of the State of New York v. That Fuckin’ Guy is expected to rest today, just one day after the prosecution rested, both because Trump is nothing if not lazy but also because the defense is only expected to call three witnesses total.

Trump himself is not among the listed defense witnesses, despite his past bluster suggesting he was raring to take the stand, like a pugnacious blowhard who ends up having to take out want ads to find someone willing to “Hold me back! Hold me back!”

Last month, with his trial about to start, Trump made headlines after telling reporters “Yeah, I would testify, absolutely,” and “I'm testifying. I tell the truth, I mean, all I can do is tell the truth. And the truth is that there is no case.”

Here’s how liars work. They tell you they’re lying. “I would testify” is not “I will testify.” Would means there’s a conditional. An “if.” As in, “I would testify…if the thought of it didn’t send my wee mushroom up into my lower intestines for safety and warmth.”

And “I’m testifying” could mean “...in my trial.” But it could also mean “...right here and now before you and Jesus and everybody.” At no point that I can find did Trump say the words, “I will testify in my defense in New York’s case against me.”

In fact, as recently as Thursday, Trump’s lawyers said that he hadn’t decided whether he would testify. Which meant he hadn’t decided whether his unspoken “if”s were lining up in his favor.

As Dan Froomkin wrote, arguing for the newsworthiness of Trump chickening out, Trump himself had suggested that Judge Juan Merchan isn’t letting him tell his own story. “Merchan is not allowing me to talk, is taking away my First Amendment Rights, he’s got me GAGGED, because he doesn’t want the FACTS behind the Gag to come out,” Trump WROTE, adding falsely later, “I’m not allowed to defend myself.”

Of course, he was and is. In court. On the stand.

So why wouldn’t Trump testify, given his tragic silencing? What’s the downside?

When you testify in your own defense, you have to answer prosecution questions under oath. It’s not just the fun part of blather-lying your own self-aggrandizing/self-incriminating narrative. “On the stand” is the one place on Earth’s surface where Trump’s lies would be a crime.

Froomkin writes that it’s important for people to understand the range of implications and issues around Trump’s decision. It goes beyond the case itself, Froomkin says: As a public figure, Trump’s obliged to give the public an explanation for the evidence that’s been introduced. Hell, history itself wants to hear from the first former president ever to stand trial in a criminal case. Especially if his account is offered under oath and the threat of perjury charges.

Froomkin also argues that the media have abrogated their obligation to elevate these points, and the significance of Trump’s decision to chicken out. It should be headline news, he argues. So I hope he sees today’s edition of The Fucking News!

With the Memorial Day weekend coming up, and the court already taking Wednesdays off, this means we should expect closing arguments next week, when the case could possibly go to the jury. In other words, it could be as late as June when jurors finally get book deals.

Senate to Vote Again on Border Bill the GOP Killed

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said yesterday that the Senate will vote on Thursday on a stand-alone version of the border bill that failed back in February when tied to Ukraine security funding.

The bill includes changes to the asylum process and more-militarizes the southern border. Thousands of border troops will be added using money we can’t afford to spend on education, and the president — whoever it is — will get new powers to address illegal immigration. It will also become much harder for people to seek asylum from the economic and violent conditions created in their home countries by U.S. foreign policy.

All told, if passed, the bill would effectively lower American productivity and earnings by protecting employers from access to a desperately needed labor pool. The bill would also raise the U.S. crime rate by preventing the influx of people less violent and criminal than Americans who are standing their ground.

Schumer was criticized last week for planning to resurrect the bill. His critics included Sen. James Lankford (R-OK), who helped write the bill and obviously wasn’t happy when D4FRFP Donald Trump ordered it killed, but has now come around. Now, Lankford is calling his own legislation a “messaging bill,” meaning, Democrats are only voting on it to point out that Republicans are blocking it. 

“If there’s a messaging bill comeback,” Lankford said last week out loud even though it meant people could hear him, “even the bill I helped negotiate … just to bring it up again and try to poke Republicans in the eye for some sort of messaging piece, why are we doing this?”

I mean, asked and answered, no? But basically what Lankford’s saying is that Republicans will block it because it’s being used to point out that Republicans will block it. A devious Democratic scheme that Republicans could foil by, uh, voting for it.

It’s worth noting that Lankford alluded to the fact that this messaging was part of the successful campaign of now-Rep. Tom Suozzi (D-NY), who campaigned telling voters only Democrats are serious about the border. It’s also worth noting that both Lankford and Suozzi are insiders at the National Prayer Breakfast who claim that prayer unifies them. Now that’s messaging.

Campaign Watch

Lots of voting going on in five different states today!

McCARTHY’S SEAT The House seat once held by former/brief House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) will go to the winner of today’s special election in California. Two Republicans advanced from the all-party primary, so the biggest question here is already answered.

As for which Republican it’ll be, the choices are Assemblymember Vincent Fong and Tulare County Sheriff Mike Boudreaux. Both McCarthy and D4FRFP Donald Trump are backing Fong, who had the strongest showing in the primary.

OREGON Remember progressive lawyer Jamie McLeod-Skinner, who defeated centrist :::coughconservativecough::: Rep. Kurt Schrader (D-OR) in the 2022 primary? She lost in the general election to now-Rep. Lori Chavez-DeRemer but is giving it another shot.

In today’s Democratic primary, McLeod-Skinner is once again up against the Democratic establishment. Hill Democrats are backing state legislator Janelle Bynum, who twice beat Chavez-DeRemer in state legislative races, Roll Call notes. Whoever ends up facing Chave-DeRemer in November, it’s likely to be a close one.

Another Democratic primary of note in Oregon today includes former Multnomah County Commissioner Susheela Jayapal, Rep. Pramila Jayapal’s (D-WA) sister. She’s facing state Rep. Maxine Dexter and Eddy Morales, a member of the Gresham city Council. Today’s winner is expected to take the seat in November no matter who Republicans nominate.

KENTUCKY Weird Republican primary in Kentucky today. Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) — part of the tiny more-MAGA-than-MAGA cohort — most recently made headlines backing the move to oust Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA).

Today, Massie is facing two Republican challengers, neither of whom appears to have raised any money for their races. But the United Democracy Project — a divisive Republican project affiliated with the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) — has, dropping $153,000 to air an ad attacking Massie for opposing new military funding for Israel

BOWMAN Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) has managed to unite two rivals Democrats would really prefer not to unite. The United Democracy Project — them again! — is going to spend $2 million to unseat Bowman in the June 25 Democratic primary.

AIPAC and the United Democracy Project are both used to going head to head against J Street, ostensibly the voice of progressive Jewish Democrats. But not in this case.

J Street, too, has criticized Israel, but said in January that Bowman had crossed a line by accusing Israel of genocide, and rescinded its endorsement. On the other hand, Bowman’s support for the Iron Dome Israeli missile-defense system reportedly caused a split with Democratic Socialists of America. 

AIPAC is now backing Westchester County Executive George Latimer and is, by far, Latimer’s biggest supporter.

REDOUBT OF DEMOCRACY, FULTON COUNTY, GA There are multiple elections happening today in Fulton County, GA, seat of America’s democratic future.

Superior Court Judge Scott McAfee — the Republican judge who nevertheless somehow hasn’t dismissed the charges against D4FRFP Donald Trump and/or ordered Trump to be awarded the Nobel Prize for Historical Fiction — is facing radio host Robert Patillo in the Republican primary. McAfee was appointed by Gov. Brian Kemp (R-GA) in 2022, while Patillo is a radio host.

McAfee is the only one of the four Trump judges whose position is elective. With help from one (1) staff attorney, McAfee is also handling — in addition to the Trump trial — 400 other cases.

Fulton County Attorney General Fani Willis is running in the Democratic primary against attorney Christian Wise Smith, whose website suggests his platform is primarily that you should buy his book.

And then there’s Sheriff Pat Labatt, the single, solitary law-enforcement official who had the requisite nads to provide us with an actual mugshot of the accused criminal whose charges in three other jurisdictions have yielded precisely zero mugshots.

The Democratic primary in the sheriff’s race there is largely pivoting not around the shit we all care about, but a thing that actually matters: Whether to build a new jail vs. rehabbing the existing one so prisoners stop dying.

TCB

NICOLE SANDLER If you missed me on last night’s “The Fucking News” segment on The Nicole Sandler Show, you can catch it on demand here.

THE FINE PRINT Come find me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky, Mastodon, or Spoutible, where I post about original reporting and occasionally snark for the masses. (LMK if you want me to follow back, as otherwise I mostly use social media to get my stories out there and hunt for overlooked news).

Go get ‘em, kids…!

1. D4FRFP = Disgraced, quadicted, fraudster, rapist, former President.