Trump Goes Soft on Immigrants Who Are Brainwashed by Academic Elites
June 21: Trump green cards … Drug profiteers … Americans love diversity, debt relief … Hajj fatalities …
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Former Pres. Donald Trump told a group of rich tech-bro immigrants that he’ll give them more high-skilled immigrant workers if they’re brainwashed first by leftie academics who’ve taught them to take high-paying American jobs from high-paid Americans.
Trump said in an interview posted yesterday that on day one of a Trump represidency he’ll implement plans to make green cards automatic as soon as any non-American graduates from college here.
Here’s the exchange from the “All-In” podcast for venture capitalists and tech bros, taped Wednesday:
Rich Tech Bro #1: “[Blah blah the wall] … one piece I just want to add in as a follow-up question is, a lot of tech CEOs say, ‘If we fix the border, can we get more H-1Bs for tech workers?’ So can you address that, as well as what’s going on at the border?”
Trump: “[Blah blah the wall] … [blah blah open borders] … [blah blah invasion].”
Rich Tech Bro #1: “[How are you so right?]”
Rich Tech Bro #2: “The more important point, I think, Mr. President, is we need high-skilled workers in this country.”
Trump: “Yes.”
Rich Tech Bro #2: “We need to recruit the best and brightest in the world.”
Trump: “I agree.”
Rich Tech Bro #2: “Every time we get somebody super-intelligent from India or Europe, any country, that’s one less—”
Rich Tech Bro #3: “Three of us are immigrants, sir.”
Rich Tech Bro #2: “Yeah. And three of the four here are immigrants: The ones without the ties. We can get these great people into our country and that’s a loss for our adversaries and our competitors and it’s a gain for us, but I’ve never heard you talk about this. Can you please promise us you will give us more ability to import the best and brightest from around the world to America?”
Trump: “I do promise, but I happen to agree. That’s why I promise, otherwise I wouldn’t promise. Let me just tell you that it’s so sad that when we lose people from Harvard, MIT, from the greatest schools, and lesser schools that are phenomenal schools also. And what I wanted to do and would’ve done this but then we had to solve the COVID problem1 because that came in and sort of dominated for a little while as you perhaps know. But what I want to do and I will do is: You graduate from a college, I think you should get — automatically, as part of your diploma — a green card to be able to stay in this country. And that includes junior colleges, too; anybody graduates from a college. You go there for two years or four years. If you graduate, or you get a doctorate degree from a college, you should be able to stay in this country. And you know more stories than I do, but I know of stories where people graduated from a top college or from a college and they desperately wanted to stay here. They had a plan for a company, a concept, and they can’t. They go back to India, they go back to China, they do the same basic company in those places and they become multi-billionaires employing thousands and thousands of people and it could’ve been done here. And a bigger example is, you need a pool of people to work for your companies. You have great companies, and they have to be smart people. Not everybody can be less than smart, you need brilliant people. And we force the brilliant people — the people that graduate from college, the people that are number one in their class from the best colleges — you have to be able to recruit these people and keep the people. It was such a big deal; somebody graduates at the top of the class, they can’t even make a deal with a company because they don’t think they’re gonna be able to stay in the country. That is gonna end on day one.”
Rich Tech Bro #4: “That’s fantastic.”
Rich Tech Bro #1: “I think we all whole-heartedly agree with that.”
Hear that, MAGA? Immigrants are fantastic and essential when rich tech bros need them. Immigrants are fantastic and essential when they start companies here so you can ask the immigrant for a job.
And those non-college immigrants you MAGA business owners need for your construction jobs and landscaping gigs? You can’t have them, because Trump and his rich buddies don’t want good people, hard-working laborers coming in. They have to be smart to deserve coming in to America. No Tin Man. No Cowardly Lion. Scarecrows only need apply.
Today, of course, under Pres. Jopen Borders, college grads who stay here illegally fall into the class of people that Trump calls diseased, mentally ill, job-stealing criminals, terrorists, parasites on the public teat, and poisoners of whatever the fuck American blood is supposed to look like under a microscope. As of Jan. 20, 2025, however, they’d all magically turn into fine upstanding American job prospects with the stroke of re-Pres. Trump’s pen. College degrees from “the greatest schools” — like radical leftie paradise Harvard! — magically transform immigrants from diseased, mentally ill, criminal, terrorist blood-poisoners into America’s saviors.
Trump’s essentially saying that it’s low-skilled workers who are diseased, mentally ill, criminal terrorists.
So why is Trump okay with automatically giving green cards to college grads? Because they’ve been brainwashed by pointy-headed leftie academic elites, obvi.
The Trump campaign quickly got back on brand — after realizing that Trump just let his populist mask slip off, fall to the floor, blow out the window, and waft 57 stories down to the unwashed masses from the heights of his gilded tower. A spokesperson explained after the interview dropped that the green card wouldn’t be totally automatic; the deep state would expand to include immigrant thought police, who would deny green cards to “communists, radical Islamists, Hamas supporters, America haters and public charges” (people who might need government assistance).
This will also create jobs for all the lawyers involved in the legal battle over those clearly unconstitutional criteria.
If you’re unsure whether this plan sounds familiar, or you’re wondering where Trump got it, that’s a good sign that you’re not Hillary Clinton. Because Clinton was slammed for proposing exactly this in 2016, saying that she’d “staple” green cards to college diplomas.
The far-right site Breitbart “explained” that the “resulting flood of university-trained foreign labor will drown the lifetime wages and career prospects of her college-indebted American supporters.”
And where did Clinton get this plan from? Well, Breitbart didn’t mention it, but a year beforehand, a certain orange-hued open-borders fan tweeted that “When foreigners attend our great colleges & want to stay in the U.S., they should not be thrown out of our country.” (Ed. note: At the time, Twitter was Twitter and our colleges were great.)
So where did 2015 Trump get the idea from? That’d be 2012 presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
Now, why do so many leaders of both parties agree on this? Because rich people want it! Tech bros and venture capitalists have been baby-crying for years that they need more skilled tech workers — meaning, they need not to pay more for skilled tech workers, which means getting more from outside the country.
The far right is already pushing back on the Romney 2012 Trump 2015 Clinton 2016 Trump 2024 plan. NumbersUSA Vice President Jeremy Beck, whose group wants less immigration because that means fewer immigrants, told the Washington Post that Trump’s plan would “turn colleges into visa mills.”
The path to a green card, Beck said, would increase competition to get into college, and then increase competition for U.S. jobs.
Trump spokesperson Karoline Leavitt assured that the new job applicants “would never undercut American wages or workers.” Note that she doesn’t explain why. Her phrasing suggests that she’s vouching for the applicants’ character: They’d never do such a thing! But character shmaracter, this is pure numbers. Intention has nothing to do with it.
More applicants means employers have more choices, which means they have more leverage to lower wages. Which, since Trump is talking about multi-billionaires…good.
Trump’s Open Borders Followed by Murder of 12-Year-Old
Back in February, Democrats and Republicans were agreed: It was time to unite and pass Draconian new legislation to hermetically seal America’s southern border.
But a single, solitary man-child stood athwart history and yelled, “Stop!”
And stop these proposed border changes did. Former Pres. Donald Trump single-handedly blocked the legislation from crossing into the law books, ordering congressional Republicans to turn around and go back where they came from. The bill’s death at Trump’s hands ensured the actual border could continue to be crossed by an invading caravan ravening hordes people.
Now we’re learning that those people who were able to come in thanks to Trump included a migrant now charged with murdering 12-year-old Jocelyn Nungaray in Houston. Two Venezuelan migrants have been charged. One of them, Franklin Jose Pena Ramos — as the New York Post reported with unrestrained but still AP-stylebook glee — crossed from Mexico into El Paso, TX, on May 28, and was released soon after by border patrol agents who were not operating under tough new guidelines that Trump killed because he thought enacting the new law would help Pres. Joe Biden politically.
The Post refers to the murder as the latest in “a slew of high-profile crimes tied to migrants,” skillfully deploying the passive tense to obscure the Post’s role in the right’s relentless crime-tying and profile-elevating.
But this terrible tragedy isn’t part of an actual pattern, it’s a cherry-picked example used to imply a fictional pattern for political purposes, the way no one wants for their murdered child. In fact, the real pattern is just the opposite.
As those drug-abusing hippies at the Cato Institute reported, in Texas, 2.4 out of every 100,000 undocumented immigrants were convicted of homicide in 2015. That’s lower than the 2.8 out of every 100,000 native-born Americans convicted of homicide that year.
In other words, if you’re planning on hanging out with 100,000 people in Texas, you’ll be 14%2 safer if every single one of them lacks valid residency documentation.
(If you’re wondering, the number of immigrants whose papers were in order and were convicted of homicide in Texas was just 1.1 out of 100,000.)
There were an estimated 1,758,199 undocumented immigrants in Texas that year, giving us 17 murderers (18 if we’re rounding up to the nearest murderer). By comparison, the number of people shot to death by Texas police in the same year was 101.
With enough data, we could crunch homicide rates for lots of different cohorts. How about military veterans? Gun owners? Did you know that 100% of murders are committed by murderers? What’re the odds!?!3 The media won’t tell you THAT! Because 112% of them are bad at math!
Serial Thief Identified, Remains at Large
From the crime reporters at the New York Times we learn that a somehow-legal criminal cartel has been stealing money from you and me and everyone in the country but most importantly me. This won’t make the news, because they weren’t caught doing it Blackly on camera, of course.
Here’s how the legal crime workeds. Governments and businesses retain companies known as pharmacy benefit managers (PBMs) to reduce health-care costs. As the New York Times reports this morning, it’s more profitable for PBMs to steal instead of doing the thing they’re paid to do. So they steal from governments, businesses, and everyone in the country but most importantly me.
The three biggest PBMs are owned by some of the most notorious health-care crime families in the world: CVS Health, Cigna, and UnitedHealth. Their front organization, the corporate equivalent of a mysteriously empty-shelved neighborhood bodega that actually runs numbers, claims lyingly that PBMs save us all $286 billion annually by skillfully finding and negotiating great deals on health care.
(If you’ve ever wondered why health care is so cheap, that’s why! Thanks, PBMs!)
How do they save us all this extra cash we’ve all got? The Times explains that they’re using a sophisticated algorithm lying. They just make up a number they claim you would’ve paid without their beneficence, and then subtract what you actually paid. Voila: They pass the fictional savings on to you!
And how do they steal from us? Thanks for asking!
Push patients away from cheaper drugs
Charge businesses/governments multiple times the wholesale drug prices
Make up fees to charge drug companies
How are they killing small, independent pharmacies, you ask? Well, since PBMs control the vast majority of prescriptions, 80fucking%, your local Main Street pharmacist has to accept the lowball rates PBM offers, or else they’re cut off from 80fucking% of prescriptions. Which means some go out of business, clearing the way for — just by way of random example — CVS to swoop in and claim the territor. Some communities are left with no pharmacy at all, because why would CVS wanna open in those communities.
And everyone gets ripped off because even if you don’t take any of these overpriced drugs, your insurance plan is paying for them, raising your rates. And most importantly, mine.
The good news is, even some Republicans recognize the problem. Ohio’s Republican attorney general is suing some PBMs. The bad news is as soon as Republicans see this in the New York Times, and as soon as Democrats get involved, Republicans will decide that PBMs were prophesied by Jesus in the New Testament and Democrats are trying to kill them because Satan. And because…
Americans Overwhelmingly Love Democrat Things Until Democrats Get Involved
It turns out that Americans love freeloaders and diversity. New polling on both issues confirms that your confirmation bias has been right all along and you should keep believing everything you believe despite any evidence to the contrary.
On the issue of diversity, it turns out that most of the country wants it. A new Washington Post-Ipsos poll finds that Americans not only love diversity, they love programs to increase diversity, and they really love it when you get specific about what those programs are.
Sixty-one percent of Americans say “diversity, equity and inclusion programs [DEI]” are good. How come? Because words have meaning and if you look those three DEI words up in a dictionary, it turns out the definitions are positive. And the more you define it, the more Americans love it.
How many Americans love corporate programs “to hire more employees from groups that are underrepresented in their workforce, such as racial and ethnic minorities and people with disabilities and to promote equity in the workplace”? A massive 69%. Statistically speaking, that includes even Donald Trump voters! That’s how diverse and inclusive love of DEI is!
In fact, only 14% of Americans say they’re hurt by DEI, rather than by their own dumbness or personality flaws.
While 75% of Americans don’t like bonuses for executives who meet diversity targets, the same number approve of anti-bias training (currently illegal in Florida!) and 67% approve of efforts specifically targeting underrepresented groups for recruitment.
But that’s not the only way most Americans fall short of MAGA’s made-up definition of Americanism. Turns out, this nation of hard-working entrepreneurs loves freeloaders and wants to help them with their loads, for free!
A new poll from too many fucking entities to list finds that a massive 81% of U.S. adults say it’s at least somewhat important for the government to provide (give) relief (money) for debtors (people) with medical debt (everyone). And that includes 67% of Republicans!
A majority of U.S. adults, 51%, says that it’s extremely important for the U.S. government to do this socialisming.
And the numbers go even higher when we’re talking about especially gross medical debt. Only ten percent oppose relief for debt resulting from fraud, which is what it’s called when rich people steal. And no more than 14% oppose government relief in cases when debtors have financial hardship making repayment impossible; when their medical debt is disproportionately large compared to their income; or if they’ve been making payments on time for 20 years, known in the industry as 20 fucking years of paying off a medical debt.
Despite the popularity of all these borderline-socialist things, of course, support for them plummets the instant a Democrat says, “Hey, let’s do these wildly popular things,” thanks in part to the media alerting people how radical and unpopular those popular things are.
Religion, Global Warming Team Up to Kill People
The Islamo-Christian jihad on Earth’s atmosphere has taken a deadly toll in the Middle East. Fueled by carbon emissions pumped into the atmosphere by the Muslim nation of Saudi Arabia and the Christian nation of Texas, temperatures in the Middle East have hit triple digits, and so has the death toll.
Hundreds of people reportedly have died participating in the Hajj this year. The annual pilgrimage to Mecca has been beset by soaring heat. Trekking through the Saudi Arabian desert, some pilgrims had to contend with temperatures as high as 125°, and some didn’t, because they trekked to the afterlife instead.
The dead reportedly include 323 people from Egypt, 138 from Indonesia, 41 from Jordan, and 35 from Tunisia. An estimated 1.8 million participated this year, but the hundreds of thousands who didn’t have permits were denied entry to emergency facilities, like air-conditioned tents.
Gotta have a permit, folks. Can’t stress this enough.
On that note, a quick reminder that today is the first full day of summer, meaning that even here in the cool climes of the United States of America, we might start experiencing a few days where it’s kind of hot.
Overdue Debts
Here’s stuff I said I’d get to but didn’t and is now stale or hashed-over so I’m shortchanging you on them. Sorry! (Now you know how my teachers felt in high school.)
CONGESTION PRICING I promised I’d get to Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-NY) killing congestion pricing for vehicles in midtown Manhattan. I’ve seen arguments that it’s a regressive tax on poor folks who need to drive into midtown. Stipulating to this, I think it’s still a colossally stupid move, given everything on the other side of the scales. Read Grist.
WASHINGTON POST Yeah, it seems like the new leadership is a shit-show. But I did see one glimmer of hope. I lost wherever I read it, but supposedly the new Brit Pack running things there intends to make the WaPo punchier. Which might be a good thing if they’re actually punchy about the same kind of news they’ve been doing. Because right now there’s this trend I hate in journalism that’s the opposite of punchy. I’ll give you an example.
T. Effin wakes up 7am every morning and just wants to read a quick, snappy-but-incisive take on the day’s big stories and stories that should be bigger. He fires up his phone by 9, reading his cherished, beloved newsletter while mass transit rocks him gently side to side on the way to work.
Invariably, though, Effin gets pissed off when a story starts with some bullshit personal anecdote about some big systemic issue.
It turns out that Effin is just one of millions of news consumers — and former news consumers — who are sick and fucking tired of news stories that don’t just start with what they’re fucking saying because the story assumes readers have to be lured in first by “connecting” with a “character.” Presumably because execs can’t even conceive of readers capable of caring about fellow humans in the abstract. Well, TFN knows those readers are real, and that’s why we’re here.
TCB
ONE-TIME DONATIONS Still tempted to keep claiming that I need to test the new, TFN one-time-donation button, so that more of generous Newsfuckers will chip in in the name of “beta testing.” However, Integrity™ demands that I drop this charade, since it’s working fine. So now I’ll have to come up with effective marketing communication words to suggest giving if something specific in TFN made you laugh, made you feel sane, or just helped confirm a bias. In which case, please include a message with your one-time donation, which we’re still beta testing.
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Have a great, safe weekend, and go get ‘em, kids. You got this.
Trump had three years in office before he had to solve the COVID problem and even then he spent a few months pretending there wasn’t a COVID problem.
Looking forward to learning how I screwed up the math!
100%.
Those goddamn immigrants flooding over our OPENEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD BORDERS are not only stealing jobs from us, they're stealing our MURDERS! Struggling American criminals, already trying to survive in Sleepy Crime Boss Biden's economy, shouldn't have to worry about someone from some country nobody's ever heard of with a name no human can pronounce sneaking in and committing the thefts and assaults that OUR CITIZENS should be committing! You should have the assurance that when you're murdered, you're being murdered by a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN TAXPAYER!