Trump: We're Hiring!

The president and Elon Musk are on a hiring spree to make government big again after learning who they just fired

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In an abrupt reversal of his previous goals, Pres. Donald Trump is now rapidly expanding the government he just last week vowed to shrink.

The Trump administration announced it’s now hiring hundreds if not thousands of people to come join the government’s executive branch and create a fulfilling career helping their fellow Americans.

Most recently, the Trump administration announced that it’s looking for hundreds of people with the skills and experience required to fight the expanding bird flu epidemic.

Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins announced Tuesday that the USDA is looking to hire workers with a background in fighting bird flu. Preference will be given to applicants with experience working for the USDA fighting bird flu until they were fired last week.

The ideal applicant will have experience getting fucked over by absolutely inexperienced managers with total disdain for the systems and protocols that contributed to America’s successes over the past 100 years.

The new jobs were created on Friday, when the Trump administration fired 25% of the staff who oversee and assist with 58 national facilities charged with responding to bird flu.

Labs in the network were notified that the bird-flu response — including testing that could alert the government about new outbreaks — would slow down as a result of the layoffs, which created the need to hire new workers to fill those vacancies.

Also affected was the federal response to foot-and-mouth disease and African swine fever. An outbreak of foot-in-mouth disease was detected most recently among Trump administration officials when samples of media reports showed signs of them claiming their layoffs were competent.

New USDA employees will be required to work in the office, to ensure that the government doesn’t save money by letting employees work remotely, the way the president and the CEO of Tesla do.

The bird-flu outbreak that began in 2022 has now killed more than 100 million birds, more than a fifth of them since Trump took office. The resulting egg shortage has driven egg prices even higher than they were when Trump said he’d lower them on his first day in office, which he has yet to hire anyone to actually do.

Trump’s policies could bring egg prices down by lowering demand if enough egg purchasers die of bird flu.

Also wanted: Nuclear-weapons engineers.

The Trump administration is looking to fill more than 300 spots in the National Nuclear Security Administration which opened up when the Trump administration fired more than 300 people in the National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA) last week.

The NNSA is aggressively recruiting for these positions, after the Trump administration aggressively eliminated them.

The jobs were eliminated after a DOGE team ordered “recommended” a purge of 2,000 Dept. of Energy staffers. The department claimed that those laid off at the NNSA were “primarily administrative and clerical,” but the department was lying. (Also, administrative and clerical roles seem really important when we’re talking about bombs that destroy cities and nuclear waste that could destroy cities.)

The Trump administration’s purge had been ordered with an eye toward eliminating workers focused on clean energy and climate change, both of which are actually vastly more important for saving the planet.

But the new Trump administration expansion of the government that it inherited from last week’s Trump administration isn’t just limited to those focused on epidemics and nuclear bombs.

The White House says it’s also in the market for a DOGE staffer with at least several weeks experience in government and a passion for white people.

The DOGE position of Marko Elez opened up suddenly last week in response to a job listing damning article in the Wall Street Journal. Elez resigned after the Journal revealed that he had posted statements including but not limited to:

• “Just for the record, I was racist before it was cool.”

• “99% of Indian H1Bs [immigrant workers] will be replaced by slightly smarter LLMs, they’re going back don’t worry guys.”

• “I would not mind at all if Gaza and Israel were both wiped off the face of the Earth.”

• “You could not pay me to marry outside of my ethnicity.”

• “Normalize Indian hate.”

It wasn’t immediately clear which ethnicity Elez claims, but his online profiles suggest that he’s descended from Douchebag-American stock.

Vice President JD Vance, whose wife is Indian-American, immediately suggested replacing Elez with a Marko Elez type, such as Marko Elez:

“…I don’t think stupid social media activity should ruin a kid’s life. … So I say bring him back. If he’s a bad dude or a terrible member of the team, fire him for that.”

It wasn’t clear whether Vance was referring to the 25-year-old Elez as a “kid” today, or at the time Elez posted his statements. Which was last year, literally as recently as two months ago, when Elez was a mere toddler of 25.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, who’s allowed the DOGE hordes to forage freely, explained that the new department agency division club gaggle of government novices consists of “highly trained professionals.”

To Bessent’s point, DOGE team members do appear to possess skills previously unreported among Homo sapiens. Observers have spotted them deploying highly sophisticated, defensive camouflage abilities that allow them to morph instantly from “kids” to “highly trained professionals” depending on the environment.

Of course, this new flurry of government expansion is on top of the hundreds if not thousands of people the Trump administration may be rehiring. Multiple judges are weighing suits challenging the administration’s incompetent layoffs, which were somehow simultaneously discriminatory and indiscriminate.

BREAKING The Trump administration may soon be beefing up the personnel at USAID, the international development agency. U.S. District Judge Carl Nichols today ordered a hearing Thursday on the administration’s “mess” trying to purge employees there. Trump’s USAID chief Pete Marocco first told the court that USAID employees could choose to remain where they’re deployed, with benefits, and then four days later told the court that obviously anyone who refuses to come back will lose their benefits.

It’s believed that in the four intervening days, Marocco became a highly trained professional.

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Jonathan Larsen co-created Up w/ Chris Hayes at MSNBC and was a Countdown with Keith Olbermann writer and senior producer. He helped launch CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° and Air America Radio, and also worked at The Young Turks and The Daily Show with John Stewart.