We're back!

(Editor’s note: Technically, we’re fucking back.)

Whether you subscribed to The Progress Report (my weekday newsletter at TYT), or you’re a true old-timer who read The Fucking News (TFN) in the Pre-Trumpocene Era, I think you will enjoy what I’m going to be doing here, especially once I figure out what that is.

If you’re not yet a subscriber, or just wanna skip all my capitalist blah-blah and upgrade to paid now, here ya go:

So, here’s what I do know about the new and debatably improved TFN.

I will serve up a diet of nutritious news, avoiding the empty calories of info-tainment masquerading as news.

That, of course, describes most news, as veteran newsfuckers know. So will I still weigh in on the ubiquitous, everyone’s-talking-about-them stories? Sure. Maybe? If I have something helpful to say about it!

That’s my mission here: To help. What does that mean? I want to share information that helps us make sense of our world and preserve our sanity. In other words, to worry…and be happy.

You are not crazy. You are not alone. You can feel bad about things but still feel good about humanity and the future. This is the mission statement of The Fucking News.

I’ll be starting this week with the TFN newsletter. And I have an exclusive report I’ll publish this week, too, with others coming in the pipeline (as soon as possible, because pipelines need to die).

If you’re getting this, that means you once subscribed to TFN. But if you’re still newsletter-curious about the DNA of the new, debatably improved TFN, you can check out the last Progress Report I did for TYT here (I didn’t know it would be the last, so I didn’t go out with a bang, but it’s fairly representative). If you want to check out what TFN used to be like, the godsend that is the WayBack Machine has archived some of Ye Olde TFN shit here.

Now, let’s talk dirty, filthy money. The idea that people — by which I mean All. The. People. — might not have access to news and information is offensive to me. And potentially dangerous to humanity by denying people information, and by stratifying it economically. Which is really bad.

So I aim to keep the newsletter and my original reporting free. My goal starting out will be for you to hear from me at least four days per week – with the TFN newsletter and/or original reporting.

The only thing that will make this free journalism sustainable is people choosing to pay for it. But I don’t want anyone risking penury to become a paid subscriber. If you can’t afford it on your own, put a paid subscription to TFN on your wish list for birthdays (yours, Jesus’s, whoever’s!) and you can also give a paid subscription to someone who should be a registered newsfucker but isn’t yet. Whatever your circumstances, you can stay signed up free and guilt-free. Okay?

So Why Pay?

My guilty, neurotic truth is that paid subscriptions are a great motivator. I already feel obliged to provide whatever support I can, free, to anyone who wants to know about shit without losing their shit…so you can imagine the motivating/guiltifying power of paying me to do it!

I will also offer bonuses so you feel like you’re getting a great deal with your paid subscription. These will include personal ruminations and behind-the-scenes glimpses of both my own journalism and my experiences in the industry. In short, more of whatever the hell might possibly be of value about the wonders of me and my brain thoughts.

If there’s enough interest, I’ll happily toss in AMAs, or even a regular TFN podcast. With enough backing, TFN can even offer bespoke confirmation of your biases! You tell me what you want – help me help you pay me!

PLUS, once I get my sea legs I’ll be using Substack’s tools so people can subsidize paid subscriptions for those true, committed newsfuckers who lack the means to become paid subscribers on their own.

And that’s it! That’s my pitch. (If you still want to know more, check out my post on why I’m doing this now.)

Let me know in the comments what you’re thinking. What would make you fork over for a paid subscription? When do you want the newsletter – first thing in the morning, last thing at night? What do you want from TFN?

Please be in touch. Please spread the word. And, of course, go get ‘em, kids…