Immigrant BUSTED in Criminal Vote-Buying Scheme

New video captures South African native handing American voter comically oversized check

Oct. 21: Musk offers illegal financial incentive for registering to vote … Musk not arrested yet for doing that crime … EXCLUSIVE: Senator bails on Uganda … Dems just straight-up giving condoms away if you elect Harris …

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South African who entered the U.S. illegally and has been identified as Elon Musk, addressed a Nov. 1, 2023, London summit on how the benefits of artificial intelligence can be denied to the people. (Uncredited U.K. photo.)

South African immigrant Elon Musk, who runs a number of criminal enterprises and came to this country illegally, launched his latest criminal scheme on Saturday, an illegal lottery to entice people to register to vote in swing states.

Musk revealed his criminal plot alongside a convicted criminal and adjudicated rapist who’s now the Republican Party nominee for president.

Specifically, Musk announced that he’ll give $1 million every day to a registered voter in one of seven swing states who signs a bullshit petition that Musk is using to hoover up voter info. The bullshit petition supports the First and Second amendments, but it really supports hoovering up voter phone numbers and home addresses.

Musk confessed to the scheme at a rally with fellow criminal Donald Trump in Harrisburg, PA. The following day, Gov. Josh Shapiro (D-PA) said on Meet the Press that Musk’s crimes are “something that law enforcement could take a look at.”

Taking a look at could, in theory, go so far as to include actually fucking arresting. Vote-buying (in this case, giving money to people from a pool of registered voters) is illegal in multiple states. It’s also illegal in the states when they’re united.

That’s right, as CNN laudably notes, it’s a federal crime. U.S. Code Title 52, Subtitle I, Chapter 103, § 10307 (c), says clearly enough for immigrants to read:

“Whoever … pays or offers to pay or accepts payment either for registration to vote or for voting shall be fined not more than $10,000 or imprisoned not more than five years, or both…”

On Saturday, Musk presented future witness John Dreher with a comically gigantic check for $1 million, and then posted evidence of it in the form of a video, to be entered as Exhibit A.

Musk hands Exhibit A to unindicted co-conspirator, seen in obligatory MAGA hat, on Saturday in Pennsylvania, while off-camera no one prepares to arrest him. (Screengrab / Musk video.)

The check is coming from Musk’s political action committee, which he called America™ because apparently his lawyers aren’t very good at clearing names that don’t involve the letter x.

And it turns out America™ already has criminal history in the short time since it made the transition from political action committee to racketeer-influenced corrupt organization.

But it wasn’t Democrats who first went after this democracy-threatening cartel. No, it was that watchdog on the walls of freedom and/or billionaire ego-stroking: CNBC. Earlier this year, it was CNBC — not the infinite number of cops and prosecutors or the extant number of Democratic officials — that revealed America™ was illegally collecting voter data under false pretenses.

Officials in North Carolina and Michigan did briefly investigate, but then apparently stopped because America fixed its website. You know, the same way cops stop investigating muggers when they fix their website.

And it was two weeks ago that CNBC also reported that Musk was paying $47 for referrals of — no points for guessing! — registered voters. I have it on good authority from earlier in this story that this is a violation of U.S. Code Title 52, Subtitle I, Chapter 103, § 10307 (c).

Hilariously, Musk’s petition doesn’t even say what it’s for. Is it going to Congress? The White House? Is it self-driving somewhere? Who cares, as long as it’s hoovering your info.

So where’s the Democratic enforcement? Where’s anyone doing more than look-taking at Musk’s crimes?

Shapiro’s a former prosecutor and should have some sense of whether this is a particularly close case. “This isn’t a particularly close case — this is exactly what the statute was designed to criminalize,” said former Justice Department official David Becker, who handled voting-rights cases and founded the Center for Election Innovation & Research.

Okay, well, even if it’s not particularly close, it’s not as if this case of Musk vote-buying is clearly illegal. “This one is clearly illegal,” said UCLA Law Prof. Rick Hasen, NBC News election-law analyst and director of the Safeguarding Democracy Project.

Hasen helpfully backs up his case, citing not just federal statute, but the Justice Department Election Crimes Manual [italics added for Musk emphasis]. Here’s the quote: 

“The bribe may be anything having monetary value, including … lottery chances …For an offer or a payment to violate Section 10307(c), it must have been intended to induce or reward the voter for engaging in one or more acts necessary to cast a ballot [like, y’know, registering]...”

So where are the cops when you need them? Can we get a Karen to drop some 911 on this shit?

Doesn’t Attorney General Merrick Garland have prosecutor-type people who do this kind of thing? Aren’t Democrats basing much of their campaign on the notion that these elections are being policed to ensure there’s no hanky-panky? Or hanky-musky?

As one mean Twitter user posted, “If Merrick Garland were alive, this is something he would probably want to investigate.”

And why would Musk do this, since he surely knew the risks of being prosecuted? Unless, maybejustmaybe he had reason to believe he enjoys rich-dude impunity.

I mean, how many people have died because they believed Musk’s lie that his self-driving cars drive themselves? (The official death toll is up since the last time TFN checked, now standing at 51.) How many years has Musk been sentenced for those deaths?

In fact, The Fucking News already did a whole fucking post on all the fucking ways this fucking fucker has done (or is credibly alleged to have fucking done) all the things that undocumented immigrants are accused of doing. Including multiple crimes committed not just with his own South African hands, but with the criminal organizations he’s created under the color of U.S. law.

And if Musk’s impunity/getting billions of dollars for all of his shit weren’t enough, he’s also already enjoying impunity for all his election deception. His PAC, for instance, is in bed with a dark-money group deceiving voters into thinking Vice Pres. Kamala Harris has her own version of Project 2025.

And another MuskPAC is telling Muslim voters that Harris loves Israel while telling Jewish voters that Harris loves Palestinians.

So of course Musk is criming openly. Because Democrats are like T. Rexes in Jurassic Franchise™, except Democrats can only see guilty consciences. If you act openly, without shame, you’re invisible to the Democratic prosecutorial eye. 

And in Republicans’ defense, no wonder they think vote-crime is happening, since they see how easy it is to get away with it. In fact, Republicans have successfully gotten Democrats to get tough on every other crime … except theirs.

EXCLUSIVE: Grassley Drops Museveni

The work of the National Prayer Breakfast is to build Christian alliances around the world, giving allies the benefits of the ties the breakfast provides to powerful U.S. politicians.

Those international allies pursue the right-wing Christian policies favored by the breakfast organizers, and amass power at home thanks to their access to Americans. Mostly Republicans. But also Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE).

So what happens when the breakfast folks, aka The Fellowship Foundation, aaka The Family, pulls the rug out from under the breakfast table?

Last year, The Fellowship flew breakfast boy Rep. Tim Walberg (R-MI) to stand alongside Pres. Yoweri Museveni while Museveni was having a tough time. Of course, Museveni was having a tough time because he’d just signed a law allowing prosecutors to execute Ugandans for doing hot gay sex with consenting hot gay people. So the international community stopped cutting a lot of checks to Museveni.

In theory, that could cause Museveni some political trouble. Sure, he’d probably be okay since he’s held onto power since Cher was 40. But just in case, Walberg showed up to tell Museveni, buck up, buddy! And to assure Ugandans to tough out the sanctions, because Americans had Museveni’s back.

Walberg even told Uganda that he’d stand with them and Museveni even in the face of likely U.S. blowback. Which I then conveniently provided so that Walberg could prove how faithful he is to the fellow faithful. Which turned out to be not.

Walberg did not stand with Museveni as promised. In fact, the whole Fellowship Foundation refused to stand behind the law.

So then, earlier this month, at this year’s Ugandan prayer breakfast, Museveni hilariously and kind of cattily suggested that Uganda should go help the U.S. prayer breakfast folks. How come? Because he hadn’t heard from them. (Ya think?)

And Museveni specifically told one of his ministers — the guy who originally introduced the “Kill the Gays” bill — to ask Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA) wtf. Why Grassley? Two reasons.

One, Grassley and Museveni go way back. Like, back when Cher was 40. Secondly, Museveni explained, he was pretty sure that Grassley is still alive. Which Grassley is was as of press time!

So I, like a jerk, asked Grassley’s office whether he and Museveni are still breakfast buddies. The answer from Grassley’s office: “Senator Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) is not in touch with the Ugandan government.”

Now, why would I bother doing all of this? (Other than to be a jerk?)

For one thing, no one else is. Seriously, Google it. And the reason someone should is that the bonds that make this anti-LGBTQ+/reproductive rights network are the connections and presumed backing of allies around the world but especially in the United States.

So for Grassley not just to cut ties but to tell a dirty commie pinko rag this, for all the world to see, dramatically undercuts The Fellowship’s credibility in its network-building. And that matters because that’s an essential ingredient of how they fucked over Guatemala and how they’re right now reeling in Ukraine.

Abandoning Museveni is the first step toward getting Uganda to roll back its “Kill the Gays” law, which is already being used to prosecute people.

No other media outlet is digging into this right-wing shadow diplomacy, so if you want to support this kind of investigative reporting on it, you can make a donation or become a paid subscriber to the Jonathan Larsen Substack where I post this reporting.

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Israel Has Now Devastated the Leadership of Hezbollah, Hamas, and the Harris Campaign

In the last few months, Israel has killed the top leaders of Hamas and Hezbollah and seriously wounded the odds of Vice Pres. Kamala Harris carrying the state of Michigan.

Axios reports with brevity™ on how Israel, with U.S. help, took out leaders and sub-leaders and would-be leaders of two terrorist organizations who could only have dreamed about carrying out hardcore sci-fi terrorist shit like blowing up cell phones.

With Hamas’s leaders dead, and more than 42,000 Hamas terrorist men, women, and children dead, and virtually any Hamas hidey-hole/hospital/school bombed into dust, Israel is now preparing for peace the next stage of the war: Identifying and then bombing the souls of deceased Hamas members and then launching air strikes against any surviving Hamas vibes.

And Israel is now similarly raising the bar for ending the war in … checks notes … Lebanon. This morning it was reported that Israel’s conditions for peace include basically letting the Israeli military run things in Lebanon presumably forever, or until there’s no remaining trace of Hezbollah leaders vibes.

The warring will continue until morale improves!

As Axios points out, the UN has already voted that the Lebanese military and UN should enforce the cease-fire, not one of the armies that’s supposed to cease firing.

Meanwhile, The Intercept reported last week that the realpolitik mapmakers are already drawing a new alliance with Saudi Arabia to keep everything nice and civilized colonized. Oh, good. Saudi Arabia.

Dems Also Offer Things for Voting…Like Socialism!

Y’know how Democrats think socialized medicine is just wrong? Well, it’s two weeks until the election, so have some free health care, fuckers!

No, literally, this offer is only for fuckers.

Because the Democrats are giving away birth control! The Biden administration this morning proposed a new rule that would force health insurance companies to make contraception free. (Them’s the breaks when you lobby against real socialized medicine, insurers of America!)

Pretty much everything that thwarts pregnancy would be covered, including morning-after pills. The most common methods of birth control currently include pills, condoms, spermicide, and wearing a MAGA hat.

(For some reason, this has been reported as providing birth control for women but there’s no way that can be true, can it? I mean, real men buy their own condoms for fuck’s sake, for fuck’s sake!)

Couple things I’m not clear on in this breaking story. Will insurance companies be allowed to jack up their premiums as a result of covering contraception? And how will this new rule get around the right-wing theocratic Supreme Court ruling that companies don’t have to offer health-care plans that conflict with their personal, cherry-picked, illiterate reading of their personal magic book and/or Jesus’s mind?

Anyway, the point is, Democrats want you to know that if you vote for former Pres. Donald Trump, you might get IVF, but you won’t get free birth control. At least, not until Trump reads this and adds it to his list of pre-election socialist giveaways.

Why That Musk Voter Thing May Be Moot

No matter how many swing-state voters multi-CEO Elon Musk registers, it won’t matter if they don’t vote. To give a hypothetical example, just because you say a car is self-driving, doesn’t mean it’ll get where it’s going.

And now The Guardian has obtained internal data and records from Musk’s political action committee suggesting that both Musk and former Pres. Donald Trump are getting frauded by their vote-canvassers just as badly as Musk and Trump fraud everyone else.

Trump’s campaign stupidly outsourced its vote-canvassing — old-fashioned door-knocking, hand-shaking, and face-lying — to Musk’s America™ PAC. Which then hired people to do said canvassing.

That’s different from when campaigns use true-believer volunteers to get out the vote. And America™’s internal data suggest why there’s a difference between volunteers and paid canvassers.

Specifically, the data show tons of anomalies in Musk’s canvassing — like, canvassers not being where they said they were.

Internal software tracks when the voter surveys are filled out some distance away from the alleged voter’s alleged home. Normally, a canvasser just enters the responses in real time as the very real person shares them.

Entering the survey answers later suggests there’s some hanky-musky going on, like canvassers entering fictional answers from fictional voters.

America™ has spent almost $30 million getting its vote mercenaries to allegedly get out the vote. And it’s the only pro-Trump PAC on the alleged ground in every swing state. (Turning Point’s PAC was on the ground in Wisconsin, but Musk’s PAC ate it.)

And America™ isn’t even doing all of this by itself. It’s sub-contracting the already sub-contracted vote-canvassing. So how bad are the numbers?

• In Arizona on Oct. 15, 20.1% of door-knocks were flagged as potential bullshit. That rose to 23.8% on Oct. 16, and 26.9% a day later.

• In Nevada on Oct. 15, 21.2% of door-knocks looked hinky. That rose to 23.8% on Oct. 16, and 30.1% a day later.

That’s, like, Tesla or SpaceX failure rates!

And they suggest that paid canvassers are defrauding America™ PAC’s sub-contractors, who are defrauding America™ PAC, which is defrauding Musk, who’s defrauding Trump. The moral arc of the universe, folks!

TCB

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NICOLE SANDLER The long-awaited, much-promised, occasionally lied-about return! I should be joining Nicole Sandler today for the weekly The Fucking News segment on The Nicole Sandler Show. I’m mostly over my cold, so I should be there today at 5pm eastern. Come hang out!

And, as always, come say hi on Threads, Bluesky, Instagram, Facebook, Mastodon, Spoutible, or even Twitter, if you musk.¹

I recommend LOLGOP’s Substack for finding things you can do in the final days of the election and recommend BoltsMag.org for good reporting on lower-profile races. Most of all, TFN recommends keeping calm and carrying on.

Go get ‘em, kids!

1. TFN stands by this pun.