Jan. 26, 2024 - UN court orders Israel not to genocide

… ICJ doesn’t order cease-fire … Texas vs. America … Trump defamation trial closing arguments … Alabama suffocates a guy …

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International Court Orders Israel to Kill Fewer Palestinians

The International Court of Justice (ICJ) this morning ordered Israel to take a number of measures to reduce civilian deaths and suffering, but stopped short of telling Israel to stop killing people altogether.

This morning’s order from the UN’s top court didn’t mandate a cease-fire and is part of an ongoing case to determine whether Israel’s assault so far amounts to genocide. The court’s ruling will be legally binding and absolutely in no way enforced at all by anyone anywhere.

Israel’s military has killed more than 26,000 Palestinians since the Oct. 7 massacre by Hamas. According to Israel’s own estimate, the number of Hamas it has killed may be as low as 9,000… meaning, if math isn’t antisemitic yet, that as many as 17,000 civilians may have been killed so far. Far more have been wounded and the death toll due to disease in the devastated region could top the military fatalities.

Here’s what the ICJ ruled that Israel absolutely must do but might decide not to:

• Do everything possible not to do anything genocide-y in the future.

• Ensure that the Israeli Defense Forces don’t do anything genocide-y.

• Prevent and punish comments that could be seen as incitements to genocide (presumably, though I’m not sure, by public officials rather than the public).

• Ensure humanitarian groups have access to Gaza.

• Preserve evidence of possible genocide.

• Submit a report to the ICJ on all this not-genociding stuff within a month.

And, yes, the ICJ called on Hamas to release the hostages.

Civil War II: The Texaning

Good-hearted newsfuckers everywhere might think the U.S. and Texas are on the brink of civil war, if some coverage of the dispute were to be believed – which it weren’t.

Here’s how we got here:

On Monday, the right-wing Supreme Court told Texas that Washington is still in charge, and that federal officers have the legal right to cut and remove the lethal razorwire that Gov. Greg Abbott (R-TX) had laced across the Rio Grande, where it killed people.

But Abbott this week continued putting the razorwire on the river, and blocking Border Patrol agents from accessing Shelby Park in Eagle Pass, TX, so they can get to the river. Yesterday came the Common Dreams report that 25 governors have sided with Abbott. All Republicans.

Half the governors (well, 26, actually, but what are numbers really?) — all of one party — now stand allied against the other party. Get it?!? 

So the debate now is whether we are witnessing merely an analogue of the federal standoff over school integration in the ‘50s and ‘60s (and, let’s not kid ourselves, since then, too) or whether we find ourselves at the modern-day equivalent of Fort Sumter.

Now, is there a chance we’re on the brink of a full-on shooting war here? Of course, there’s always a chan—no. No, we’re not. And for this, there are some reasons.

One is that Pres. Joe Biden isn’t gonna take the bait. And for the record, behold the bait:

But the main reason shots won’t be fired today is that, for all his bluster, Abbott isn’t actually defying the Supreme Court. Whah-HUH?!? 

As Business Insider’s Natalie Musemeci smartly pointed out on Wednesday, nothing Abbott has done violates the court’s ruling. In fact, the ruling doesn’t order Texas to do anything. It just says the U.S. is allowed to keep cutting the razorwire.

It doesn’t say Abbott has to stop putting up the razorwire or that the state has to let Border Patrol into Shelby Park. In other words, Abbott isn’t defying the ruling. The conflict remains a legal one and regardless of GOP bluster, it seems that both sides are actually committed to keeping this fight in court. For now, anyway!

Defamation Trial II: The Trumpening

Closing arguments begin today… and quite possibly end today… in the Defamation Trial of D4FRFP¹ Donald Trump: Part Deux. It has the potential to be the Ford Pinto of legal cases, and not just because Trump’s testimony could blow up in his face.

Trump testified in his own ostensible defense yesterday for a hilarious and sexual-metaphor-enabling three minutes. It’s quite possible the jury will take even less time to decide whether Trump defamed writer E. Jean Carroll when he verbally attacked her for revealing that he physically attacked her. (h/t)

And, yes, Carroll already won $5 million from him. Today’s case is over other comments.

The jury will be instructed to take as fact the previous jury’s conclusion that Trump sexually assaulted her (New York state law doesn’t classify what Trump did as rape, but Webster’s dictionary does).

Now here’s what I mean about the Pinto thing. Automakers were literally calculating how much they’d have to pay for blowing people up with their shitty cars — and weighing that cost against the cost of making their cars less blow-uppy.

The massive Pinto jury award established the concept that juries could end that barbaric accounting practice by giving awards so high that manufacturers couldn’t predict how much their shitty manufacturing would cost them. And therefore had to obey the law to survive. Make sense?

I hope so, cuz that’s where we are with Trump.

If Trump decides he and/or the suckers he’s still grifting can afford to cover his defamation penalties… he’ll keep defaming. So it’s possible that at some point he’s going to get a historic penalty and people will lose their minds and argue that the defamation itself didn’t amount to $∞ million… but remember that the point of a super-high award isn’t just compensation… it’s deterrent high enough to prevent the culprit from engaging in cost-benefit analysis when they’re deciding whether they can afford to keep doing it.

Israeli Security Experts Identify Terrifying Threat

A group of 43 Israeli leaders — including former top national-security officials — have written to Israel’s president and Knesset speaker warning about a grave threat to the nation’s future. 

The letter urges President Isaac Herzog and Knesset Speaker Amir Ohana to take action immediately against this “existential” threat, which they say was ultimately behind the Oct. 7 massacre of Israeli civilians and soldiers by Hamas.

The 43 writers have identified the threat as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, the alleged criminal leader of a gang of militant radicals known as the government’s ruling coalition. The letter asks Herzog and Ohana to remove Netanyahu from office before he strikes again.

“We believe that Netanyahu bears primary responsibility for creating the circumstances leading to the brutal massacre of over 1,200 Israelis and others,” the letter says. That’s alluding to Netanyahu building up Hamas as a political counterweight to the Palestinian Authority. Which, oops.

Then there’s the anti-democratic attempt by Netanyahu’s coalition to elevate the executive branch above judicial oversight. “Leaders of Iran, Hezbollah, and Hamas… openly praised what they correctly saw as a destabilizing and erosive process of Israel’s stability, led by Netanyahu, and seized the opportunity to harm and damage Israel’s security,” the letter says.

The letter’s signatories include Moshe Ya’alon and Dan Halutz (former heads of the Israeli Defense Forces), Tamir Pardo and Danny Yatom (former heads of Mossad, or at least that’s what they want you to think), Nadav Argaman and Yaakov Peri (former heads of domestic security), and three Nobel laureates in chemistry for some reason.

NB: Rather than the whole security-threat switcheroo bit, I also could’ve gone with calling those 43 leaders antisemitic for daring to criticize the Israeli government. There’s always next time! 

Alabama Suffocates Man to Death

With Alabama giving a new execution method a whirl yesterday, there were fears that the termination of a human being’s life might somehow go horribly wrong. (No, I don’t know what the hell that means, either, but I actually for real saw the phrase “whether the new execution method would go horribly wrong” in the media and can’t stop thinking about that.)

Tender newsfucker, it went horribly right. (h/t)

The state of Alabama strapped a mask over the face of Kenneth Eugene Smith yesterday and then pumped nitrogen through it, because you can’t breathe nitrogen and will die if you try. Here’s the account of AL.com’s Ivana Hrynkiw, who watched it, and clocked the dying part at ten minutes:

“The gas appeared to start flowing at approximately 7:58 p.m. Smith visibly shook and writhed against the gurney for around two minutes. His arms thrashed against the restraints.

“He breathed heavily, slightly gasping, for approximately seven more minutes. At one point, his wife cried out.

“At 8:01 p.m., a correctional officer in the execution chamber leaned over Smith and examined his face, before stepping away and walking back to his post. Smith appeared to stop breathing at 8:08 p.m.”

The European Union’s foreign-policy body condemned the death-by-government, saying, “The EU strongly opposes the death penalty at all times and in all circumstances.”

Smith was killed because he killed Elizabeth Dorlene Sennett, and killing is wrong, which is why he was killed for it. Smith killed Sennett because her husband, a pastor, paid him $1000 to do so in order to get the insurance money because everyone knows there’s no legal way pastors can somehow get money from people.

Sennett’s husband killed himself shortly thereafter (suggesting maybe he never really believed in Hell after all). Smith’s accomplice was executed back in 2010.

Mike Sennett, the victim’s son, said afterward that the three men who killed his mom have been forgiven. “Nothing happened here today that’s gonna bring mom back.”

Campaign Watch

HALEY AGONISTES Behold, o awestruck newfucker, the majestic, nay, Promethean suffering of former Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC), who sought only to give Republican humanity the clear light of reason with which to banish the oppressive orange glow of their manchild god, and for her sins was condemned to have ravening MAGA eagles devour her innards (on Twitter) for all eternity.

(Alternatively, we could’ve riffed on MAGA’s Procrustean bed, but that’s probably a little more obscure, so if we pander, we pander.)

Witness the lamentations of the muses…

Would that we spilled or headlined as much ink for the actually afflicted, amirite? There is literally no bad outcome for Haley here, given the loving embrace of the media’s pre-eulogies.

Haley can still (1) do what most non-Trumper Republicans do and supplicate herself, redeeming herself in the great, blinkered, puffy eye of MAGA, which will reward her richly for it, having the memory of a fruit fly and too tiny an ego to reject even the harshest of critics once they capitulate, or (and/or) (2) Haley can outwait the overweight, unfit, aging, unhealthy cartoon god and once the great parade balloon doth deflate she can reap the rewards of having championed the party’s non-Trump “establishment” wing.

And, reportedly, she’s already making bank off her martyrdom at the hands of the man she helped empower when he was martyring other, weaker people.

Either way, Nikki Haley will be JUST fine. Let’s comfort some genuinely afflicted and start actually afflicting the comfortable, shall we?

Quickies

• Former D4FRFP Donald Trump advisor Peter Navarro was sentenced yesterday to four months in prison for defying a congressional subpoena to testify about the Jan. 6 attack that his boss helped make happen. Navarro argued executive privilege, which the judge said was bullshit. Navarro’s expected to appeal and/or drag shit out long enough for Trump to pardon him.

• The House Ethics Committee won’t take the bait, declining to take up that whole bullshit fire-alarm-pulling by Rep. Jamaal Bowman, who already pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor because who gives a shit.

• Sludge tells us about a former staffer of Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) who helped write the Inflation Reduction Act and is now a paid lobbyist… lobbying about tax credits the new law made available to their new client. (h/t)

• Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) is trying to run in a new district because the old one doesn’t fit anymore.

• Author and journalist Jeff Sharlet — whose work exposing The Family was the starting point for all of mine and who created the epic Netflix documentary series about the secretive Christian group — went on an absolute Twitter tear about the recent layoff of, uh, oh shit it’s me!

Recommended Reading

Bolts Magazine should be on your radar every year, but especially during a presidential election. Piper French has a new look at a prosecutor’s race where the incumbent district attorney advertised a soft-on-crime approach… in Los Angeles.

I found Robert Leonard via this whole Substack thing I’m apparently now a part of, and I was blindsided by just how on point his new post today is as it relates to my own reporting about The Family. One mantra The Family has — that I’ve tried to address empirically — is the claim that prayer is a unifying force. Leonard writes a brilliant piece about a moment entirely outside the traditional political sphere in which prayer was not only divisive in that moment … but also erected a wall sturdy enough to sustain that division in the future. When prayer is unifying it’s either because everyone already agrees… or someone gets coerced to.

TCB

I’m scheduled to be on The Nicole Sandler Show Monday night talking about my reader-supported original reporting on the National Prayer Breakfast. Audio and video… if you dare!

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1. D4FRFP = Disgraced, quadicted, fraudster, rapist, former President