Known Loser and Quitter Says He'll Quit if He Loses

Trump says he doesn't see running again in 2028 even if he's still alive

Sept. 23: Trump says he won’t run again if he loses … MAGA fold on shutdown … Musk caves in Brazil … Dems push for Dem push in Texas, Florida …

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Former Pres. Donald Trump said in an interview that aired Sunday that he won’t run again if he loses in November, acknowledging that he might lose in November. (Screengrab / Video from whatever this Sharyl Attkisson show is.)

Former Pres. Donald Trump said in an interview last night that he doesn’t think he’ll run again if he loses in November.

During the taping on Friday, host Sharyl Attkisson had this exchange with Trump:

Attkisson: If you’re not successful this time, do you see yourself running again in four years?

Trump: No, I don’t. No, I don’t. I think that that will be, that will be it. I don’t see that at all. I think that hopefully we’re gonna be successful.

Of course, just because Trump thinks something will happen doesn’t always mean it does. As a presidential candidate, he thought Mexico would pay for the wall. As a reality TV star, he thought no one would find out he used the n-word on camera. As a boy, he thought he wouldn’t grow up to be a serial rapist.

But things may be different when it comes to quitting and losing. Trump has a long history of quitting and losing in both his personal and “professional” lives. Marriages. Businesses. Children. Court cases. Law-obeying. Not raping. He’s quit/lost/failed at all of them at one point and/or another.

In the interview, Trump, who is 78 years old, did not clarify why he doesn’t anticipate another run. One obvious possible explanation: Death.

For one thing, people keep trying to kill him. For another, he’s been slow-poisoned for years by his greatest enemy: His brain. Trump has been obese for years and when Attkisson asked him to name two things he does “to stay [sic] healthy,” Trump said, “I try to eat properly.”¹

Attkisson pressed him, saying, “Hamburgers and Cokes?” Trump responded, like a man who’s gonna die, “Proper hamburgers.”

Of course, odds are Trump believes he’ll never die, so the other possibility is that Trump simply forgot that he claims America is doomed without him and has decided if he can’t win the popular vote for the third time in a row, then fuck this shit.

Trump’s memory also seemed to slip when it came to the election itself. According to Trump’s campaign, he’s winning. He’s winning so much that the only thing that could stop him is if Democrats (somehow) steal the election. Or if Jews vote the wrong way, obviously.

But here’s Trump again acknowledging it’s possible that he’s not “gonna be successful.” So, I guess “they” actually aren’t stealing the election?

And whether he loses again or it’s “stolen” from him, wasn’t the whole point of him and his merch empire that he and only he stands between “them” and us the way he wasn’t standing between a bullet and that firefighter whose name he’s already forgotten?² Acknowledging he won’t run again means admitting he will abandon MAGA to the fascist, newly Black communist.

But most importantly, Trump’s obviously forgotten what his (small) cadre of (remaining) sane staffers have told him hundreds of times: Don’t talk about losing or quitting.

Because why should Trump’s army of sad, lonely, angry, confused men keep fighting and stealing Harris-Walz lawn signs now that they know that Trump’s retirement plan may kick in as soon as Nov. 6?

Also Quitting/Losing: House Republicans

House Republicans on Sunday completed their annual ritual of speeding headlong toward a fiscal cliff until finally spotting the peril of a government shutdown only at the last minute when it’s close for even their paltry sensory apparatus to recognize it it.

House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) announced yesterday that (most) Republicans will back a bipartisan deal to keep the government funded at its current levels until after the election, when it will be too late for voters to punish Republican politicians for doing what Republican voters elected them to do.

The annual ritual is similar to another annual observance, Festivus, and shares many of the same traditions, such as the Festivus miracle, in this case Republicans voting to let Democrats keep having the government.

Pres. Donald Trump had ordered Republicans to attach legislation to the funding which, if passed, would require every voter in the country to prove their citizenship before voting. But Republican leadership jettisoned that condition, throwing Trump overboard as one of the Feats of Strength performed on Festivus.

For their part, MAGA Republicans failed yet again at carrying out the more traditional Festivus Feat of Strength, which involves pinning the head of the House to the House floor.

They did manage, however, to complete the traditional followup ritual, the airing of grievances, as MAGA Republicans performed the sacred, time-honored complaining about the House speaker they keep retaining in office.

Also Quitting/Losing: Elon Musk

Twitter CEO Elon Musk quit/lost The Brazil-Musk War on Friday. The government of Brazil, one of Twitter’s bigger markets, had shut down Twitter for breaking the law, which is a thing governments can do to criminals who get lawyers to rebrand themselves as companies.

Twitter — which now goes by the alias X, the way a criminal might — has 20 million users in Brazil. Not surprisngly considering it comes from a dysfunctional household, Twitter is a hardened recidivist, not only violating multiple laws in Brazil, but confessing to it, bragging about it, and pledging to continue doing it.

Right up until Musk on Friday agreed to join the ranks of evil global censorship rather than lose more of his precious, precious money.

Among the concessions Musk made:

• Agreeing to have a Twitter representative in the country so Brazil has someone to throw in jail next time Twitter breaks the law

• Paying (some) of its fines, and — the big one…

• Agreeing to block accounts that Judge Alexandre de Moraes accused of spreading misinformation and undermining democracy.

The latter, of course, is what free-speech crusader Musk proudly vowed never to do. Until it cost him money!

Moraes is still asking for more Twitter records, so it’s not clear when (or whether) Twitter will be allowed back in the country where it’s now a known criminal. 

I’m not crazy about a government protecting democracy by chilling the freedom of expression, but, on the other hand, if Brazilians feel the same way, they can do something about it with the democracy they still have. Because the autocrats Musk is trying to elect won’t just chill free speech, they’ll Han Solo that shit in carbonite.

MORE MUSK Musk is being sued by Cards Against Humanity. If you’ve never played it, congratulations, you’re probably a good person and Jesus still loves you. The game involves putting together the wrongest phrases humans should ever say, the kind of thing you’d report a babysitter to Homeland Security for.

Weirdly, they’re not suing Musk for being Musk Against Humanity. They’re suing him for actual actionable shit.

Remember how then-Pres. Donald Trump was gonna build a wall lining the entire border with Mexico and then didn’t because it was too hard? Cards Against Humanity raised money from 150,000 people to troll Trump by buying a plot of land on the border.

Which they didn’t need to do because building the whole wall was too hard.

But then Musk moved SpaceX to Texas out of California pique. As it happens, Reuters has a big-ass new report on how SpaceX is screwing over Texans…and getting away with it in part by putting other Texans in their pocket.

And one of SpaceX’s new neighbors in Texas is Cards Against Humanity’s vacant property. And Musk, what with being Musk, soon began dumping his shit there the way he dumps his shit on Twitter except literally. Namely, construction materials and debris and metaphors.

Cards Against Humanity is asking the court to make Musk pay them damages totaling $15 million, which he ought to be able to get with a five-minute phone call to his deeply stupid investors.

Nations Unite to Save United Nations from Other Nations

At its summit of world powers yesterday, the U.N. sought to weaken world powers. Which, awkward!

The so-called “pact for the future” was passed with the support of 143 nations. But not without some world-power tweaks!

Russia failed — with only a few allies its side — with measures that would have prioritized national sovereignty over international law, and weakened protections for LGBTQ+ people, women, anyone who claims uterine sovereignty, and everyone who doesn’t use their God-given penis for what God gave them a penis for.

The pact included multiple measures agreed to by the vast majority of countries, empowering the UN to take a multilateral leadership role on issues such as artificial intelligence, pandemics, phasing out fossil fuels before it’s more too-late than it already is, nuclear disarmament, and adding war-prevention to peacekeeping.

While Russia failed to block the agreement on strengthening international law and multilateral world-better-making, western powers succeeded in shielding the true defenders of international order: Corporations.

Failed elements of the plan included ensuring that our overlords — international financial institutions — better represent their fiefdoms if not their fiefs. A commitment to spend half a trillion dollars shifting us from carbon fuels to non-planet-killing energy also failed because it’s simply too expensive to not kill the planet.

Israel Expands War with Hezbollah to Prevent War from Expanding

U.S. officials reportedly agree with Israel’s strategy of preventing a war with Hezbollah by waging more war with Hezbollah. Israel is calling it “de-escalation through escalation,” which makes about as much sense as gooding through eviling or violent pacifism.

But the reality is, this is how war works. One side achieves peace by ending the other side’s ability to do non-peace. It’s time-tested in the lab and in the field!

Since Israel pulled off its disruptive terrorism last week via Operation: Can You Hear Me Now? it’s also been upping its old-fashioned bombing in Lebanon. Israel this morning warned civilians in southern Lebanon to evacuate so that they’re not accidentally killed by Israel’s precision targeting.

The latest round of airstrikes has killed at least 50 people. The U.S. allegedly hopes that with those 50 folks out of the way, peace talks and a hostage-release deal with Hamas will proceed. And, y’know, who the fuck knows. Israel’s plan could, in theory, “work” and de-escalate the conflict by eliminating pretty much anyone capable of conflicting.

But what you can’t do is call it de-escalation. It’s escalation. And the peace it’s aimed at is the same peace that every combatant in every war has ever sought: The end of war through total victory.

Senate Democrats Push for Fights in Florida, Texas

The seasonal fever that raises hopes of Democratic victories in Texas has now spread, infecting Democrats in Florida. And some Democrats say there’s a possible cure: Victory! Money!

Every election year around this time, Democrats succumb to their most fevered hopes, daring to believe they’ve got a chance of picking up a Senate seat in deep red states. And, tremulous Newsfucker, there’s always a chance they really might. Including this year!

Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL) has led the polls as consistently as he led millions of taxpayer dollars into his bespoke pockets…but not by much! And the most recent poll puts former Rep. Debbie Mucarsel-Powell (D-FL) within the margin of error.

Things are looking even rosier bluer in Texas. Rep. Colin Allred (D-TX) is also statistically tied with Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) in their latest poll. But, Allred is technically one point ahead and in that same poll he was trailing by five points just a couple weeks ago.

Keep in mind, I’m citing one poll from Real Clear Politics and one from 538, so I’m not only cherry-picking, I’m orchard-picking. So none of this might mean shit.

But some Senate Democrats think there’s a chance at least some of it will mean shit (which for some reason means the same thing as “doesn’t mean shit” but you know what I mean).

For four years, Sen. Gary Peters (D-MI), who runs the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC) has adhered to what the Washington Post’s Paul Kane calls a “no shiny objects” policy. Meaning, the DSCC won’t spend money on long shots just because some fucking Newsfucker orchard-picks the polls.

But now, Kane notes, it’s not just Newsfuckers seeing hope, it’s Senate fuckers. Sen. Brian Schatz (D-HI) says there’s a chance at Florida if Peters spends the money. Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) says, “I think we will win Florida if we put in a real effort.”

The DSCC is focused on defending eight endangered Senate seats. To wit, here’s how the Washington Post visually storytold Democratic campaign spending so far:

Thing is, though, there’s nothing magic about those eight already-held seats. And in those states, Democrats already have the advantage of incumbency. The point should be to spend money wherever leads to the greatest net number of Senate seats, not on protecting already-held seats. Majorities are fungible!

The problem with incumbency is that its power is too often wielded to shield incumbents, rather than the people who would lose out if Democrats lose the Senate.

TCB

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1. The other thing was exercise. I.e., golf.

2. Corey Comperatore. #NeverForget

3. I don’t drink coffee!