Look at WHERE Trump’s Sending in the Clowns
Look at WHERE Trump’s Sending in the Clowns
There's a method to Trump's madness; okay, that's obviously not true, but there is a pattern...
Nov. 14: Gaetz tapped to oversee all federal law enforcement because that’s what you voted for, dumbMerica … GOP to control House (of horrors) … Netanyahu ordering up a cease-fire to please His Trumpness … Massive Abu Ghraib jury award …
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Your non-mainstream Fucking News isn’t going to do that fucking news thing of claiming “It’s no accident that…” when really The Fucking News has no fucking idea.
But there is a pattern in RePresident-elect Donald Trump’s appointments so far, one that merits identifying even if we can’t pretend to know why Trump did it.
Trump has made some unremarkable appointments to some pretty big posts so far. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) is a smart, seasoned, thoughtful guy. Not a crazy pick as secretary of state…if you’re already crazy enough to be a 2024 Republican.
Rubio is, however — as your diligent TFN reported1 yesterday — a longtime insider at the secretive Christian group known as The Fellowship Foundation (aka The Family). In that capacity, Rubio’s helped thwart democracy and boost right-wing evangelical foes of LGBTQ+ and abortion rights in countries around the world. In that capacity he’s a crazy pick as secretary of state, but no one’s watching the walls of secularism so no one sees that.
And even Gov. Kristi Noem (R-SD) isn’t being seen as too crazy a pick to ru(i)n the Department of Homeland [sic] Security. Governors and senators kind of get an automatic pass for any nomination. As if morons don’t fail upward into the biggest positions of all, present presidential elections not excluded.
But two picks in particular stand out as WTF. Your newsfucking TFN yesterday fucked the news that Fox co-host Pete Hegseth will now run the Pentagon, which even typing it makes my body do weird things. And then yesterday we learned that now-former Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) will might be the nation’s top lawman, the 89th attorney general of the United States.
Attorney General Gaetz would oversee the entire Department of Justice, teeming with lawyers and investigators orders of magnitude more qualified, smarter, less accused of crimes, and generally far less Gaetzier.
Here’s Gaetz’s actual mug shot, from his 2008 DUI arrest.
This means Gaetz will oversee Justice Department civil cases, criminal cases, civil rights cases, immigration cases, antitrust and tax cases and more.
He — and by “he” I still actually mean Matt Gaetz yes that one — will be running all of the following:
The 93 U.S. attorneys who prosecute federal cases around the country
U.S. INTERPOL
Pardons (obvi)
The U.S. Marshals Service
The Federal Bureau of Prisons
The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF)
The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA)
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Now, if it seems like TFN is beating up on Gaetz by detailing the scope of the job for which he’s so manifestly unqualified, that’s because you’re an astute fucking reader. In all fairness, however, there is at least one small quarter of the Justice Department where Gaetz has relevant experience, nay, expertise.
Newsfuckers, get ready for Gaetz to blow your socks off with the new and improved Sex Offender Sentencing, Monitoring, Apprehending, Registering and Tracking Office!
But the one that really jumps out is the FBI. That’s not just because of federal Trump investigations, which current Attorney General Merrick Garland took his look-how-serious-I-am time with and are now effectively dead with special counsel Jack Smith fleeing the country leaving the department.
Trump has presaged a wide variety of misuses for which he plans to misuse the nation’s federal law enforcement.
Sure, yes, there’s the whole going-after-enemies thing. But I’m not sure how invested he really is in that, especially after winning. In 2016 he vowed to lock up former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton but she remains a fugitive to this day.
Obviously, Hunter Biden should expect to get his first lethal injection that wasn’t self-administered. But for the most part your Fucking News will be pretty fucking surprised if Trump utilizes the FBI for a wide-ranging program of I Don’t Like You enforcement. (Note: TFN is often surprised.)
Of potentially more concern is getting not just the FBI but all the Justice lawyers and prosecutors to turn a blind eye to and/or comply with Trump’s Draconian edicts regarding unfamous, unpowerful people he doesn’t like. Protesters, sure, but even more so people out of the spotlight.
Think of how many small-town police departments over the next four years will not be forced into consent decrees, permitted to terrorize the people they’re supposed to serve? Think of the Civil Rights Division, soon to be tasked with protecting the rights of, uh, white people who don’t get jobs they wanted. Unlike Matt Gaetz.
And then, of course, there’s the specter of Jan. 20, 2029. I’m not one of those who “knows” that Trump will outstay his welcome constitutionally as well as politically. But…maybe?
Even before that, though, there’s the prospect of unleashing prosecutors, the feds, oh and also the Army or National Guard against cities or potentially entire state governments that defy Trump. Sanctuary cities. States that refuse to help Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller conduct massive immigration raids.
We’re talking about the levers of force where Trump most wants full compliance and faced the greatest resistance in his first presidency. That’s why he’s put the clowniest of his clowns there now: To do what he says.
That’s bad news. Also good news.
The reason Gaetz and Hegseth are clowns in the mainstream discourse today is — terrifyingly enough — not their broken-brain ideology or even their obvious lickspittlery but their lack of experience.
Which is exactly what you want in someone willing to do whatever Trump asks! Because once there’s a Trumpist at the top, the last best hope for thwarting him is all those people just beneath the Trumpist.
And given the Gaetzian and Hegsethesque incompetence and lack of experience at the top, those people just below now have a fighting chance. And, sure, the two may clean out the top ranks and install loyalists, but those loyalists, too, will just push the incompetence downward.
Which means at some level you’ll get effective resistance. And at the levels you don’t, the incompetence will sorely hamper the institutional impact of the Trumpitude in question.
Suppose that Gaetz tells a U.S. attorney to prosecute something and said prosecutor responds that the Office of Professional Responsibility (OPR) wouldn’t permit it so Gaetz goes to the OPR and they say sorry, can’t do it, it violates [Insert Real or Made-Up Law Here].
A competent Matt Gaetz, if such a thing could exist, would be able to counter Ha! Nice try, OPR, but we all know that internal memo 438-2.a says we can do that fucked-up shit on every other Wednesday so suck it and also have the paperwork on my desk by 3:30 cuz I’m cutting out early for Wings night at Fuddruckers.
Without that savvy, Gaetz can only start firing people. Which again weakens the institution and Trump’s ability to instifuck it.
Same dynamic applies to Hegseth at the Pentagon. How much will the anonymous source behind the Politico quote below be inclined to defer to Hegseth?
And if you enjoyed that headline, savor a few more from yesterday…
All the potential Gaetz and Hegseth resisters in their departments (thank you for your service!) have already been pre-armed to resist them.
The two will come in with no external buy-in. Trump didn’t bother to consult first with allies who’d then have an investment in defending them later on. Gaetz’s nomination appears to have come, hilariously, on impulse and without a shred of internal deliberation. Here’s Axios yesterday:
Matt Gaetz’s conversation with Trump on Trump Force One this morning had a major role in getting him named for AG this afternoon, ppl inside Trump’s operation tell me.
Transition team started vetting AG candidates way before the election and Gaetz “came out of left field”
It’d be funny if it weren’t so tragic. Actually, here at TFN our motto is it can be both! #BigTent
As a result, even Republicans are shitting on the (lack of) qualifications of Trump’s nominees. Gaetz and Hegseth won’t just be delegitimized internally, they’ve been predelegimitized by the whole world ahead of time. Now that’s government efficiency!
Speaking of Which, Noem’s Already Been Sidelined
Politico reports that Gov. Kristi Noem (R-SD) will effectively cede her handling of immigration to the White House when she becomes the Department of Homeland [sic] Security (DHS) secretary.
Noem has zippity relevant experience but got the backing of Tom Homan, who will be the White House point man on immigration policy.
Center for Immigration Studies2 Executive Director Mark Krikorian told Politico that, “The only thing I could think of is that the immigration part of DHS is basically going to be handled out of the White House, and she’ll be secretary of FEMA [Federal Emergency Management Agency], TSA [Transportation Security Administration], Secret Service [theoretically protect Trump’s ears agency]...”
The division of labor will allow Noem to focus her efforts on learning how to prepare for and respond to questions about her mishandling of natural disasters which are increasingly unnatural and disasterous.
Republicans Win the House
Donald Trump is finally getting a three-way. Pay up, Epstein!
Two congressional races were called yesterday, giving Republicans the number of seats they need to retain majority control of the House of Representatives. Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) will keep his precious, precious gavel. At least for now.
Republican Senate wins mean that, as of January, Republicans will control Congress. As of Jan. 20, Republicans will get the White House back — unless Pres. Joe Biden pulls a Trump and tries something sneaky with the Electoral College.
That’ll put Republicans in charge of all three branches of the United States government. And not just any Republicans, the most reactionary, extremist Republican leaders we’ve seen since they were Democrats and seceded to form the Confederacy.
Despite the obvious cause for the gnashing of teeth and rending of garments, top Republicans still do not have free reign to do whatever they want free of consequences.
Johnson’s margin of control is extremely thin — and even thinner now with the resignation of Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) — thanks to Trump nominating House Republicans for spots in his administration.
So we basically are looking at two scenarios. Enough Republicans are scared of losing their House/Senate seats in 2026 that they refuse to vote for the worst of the worst bills. And we kind of keep puttering along like we have for the last half century or so.
Or the country says fuck it let’s see what you’ve got and Republicans get their way and feed us to the Invisible Hand and Jesus and everyone who stayed home because both parties are the same or voted Republican because transgender drag queens were reading books to kids in school gets the most high-production-value civics lesson this country’s ever had.
Either way, the work remains the same: Resist where we can, build a movement for change that offers real change for a change.
His Trumpship to Graciously Accept Israeli Cease-Fire as Tribute
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reportedly is prepping a Christmas Hanukkah seasonal gift for RePresident Donald Trump. According to the Washington Post, His Exalted Presidentness will receive as tribute one gold-plated, blood-soaked cease-fire.
Not in Gaza, ya big silly. There’s still people Palestinians Hamas there!
Instead, Trump will get a gift-wrapped cease-fire in one of the many other places Israel is violencing: Lebanon.
The Post says a Netanyahu aide on Sunday told Trump and Jared “Wait, him again?” Kushner that they’re rushing to lock down a cease-fire with Lebanon “with the aim of delivering an early foreign policy win to the president-elect.” How about that, they’re even throwing in free shipping!
Giving Trump a win will surely be powerful consolation for all those Israelis who thought the war was necessary to protect them, as they were assured by, uh, Netanyahu. Who has publicly maintained that the war with Lebanon is necessary and definitely not just a political chit for him to toss around.
“There is an understanding that Israel would gift something to Trump,” an unnamed Israeli official told the Post, “that in January there will be an understanding about Lebanon.”
Note the implication that Israel will continue killing people — and Israelis will continue to face the risk of dying — for two more months because Israel doesn’t want to gift still-actually-President Joe Biden anything. ‘Tisn’t the season!
Netanyahu said Sunday that he and Trump had spoken and see “major opportunities ahead for Israel, especially in advancing peace.” The tools for aforementioned advancing, of course, will be bombs and tanks. Just not in Lebanon.
History Has a Long Tail
Anyone remember Abu Ghraib? For people my age, it feels like yesterday. For folks under 30, it probably sounds about like “Wendell Wilkie” sounds to me.
Abu Ghraib was a prison in Iraq where Americans tortured prisoners during Pres. George W. Bush’s invasion of Iraq. It was a big deal, thanks in part to the last remnants of old school journalism still giving a shit about that kind of thing and an American populace furious about the war they had stupidly supported.
Bush’s military innovations included not just invading a country because it might one day decide to attack us — a category of country growing by the day — but also slapping a rifle and obscene amounts of taxpayer money into the rapacious hands of the Invisible Hand; specifically, military contractors.
Well, in 2008, Suhail Al Shimari, Salah Al-Ejaili, and Asa’ad Al-Zubae sued one of those contractors for torturing them while they were imprisoned in 2003. (Fun fact, torture is a crime that you can actually go to prison for in countries not run by Democrats afraid to prosecute Republicans.)
Yesterday, a jury of Americans awarded the three Iraqis $14 million each. That’s right, it took them 21 years to get justice. And it’s not even Attorney General Merrick Garland’s fault!
The torture was carried out by members of the U.S. military — who would never do such a thing — but the private company CACI had civilian interrogators there for some reason who allegedly were functionally accomplices.
Anyway, the point is that humans don’t decide to become bad. Enemies are dehumanized, fears are maximalized, abuses become justified. Voila. The only thing we have to fear blah blah.
TCB
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Go get ‘em, kids.
The story’s behind a paywall, but as promised that’s a free gift linky-link so all TFN subscribers can read the whole interminable thing!
Which sounds very dry and respectable but basically just conceals the fact that it exists to provide intellectual fodder for anyone on the right who still thinks their side needs intellectual fodder to bash immigrants.
“lickspittlery” ☠️
(Cut off for unknown reasons, certainly not the swearing!) Last sentence should read:
Although uncertainty is the thing that most rattles me, I find certitude in this environment equally disturbing and untrustworthy. This may not make sense but it’s true for me.