UnitedHealth CEO Issues New Policy of Please Don’t Kill Me
Andrew Witty writes in favor of not getting murdered, please and thank you
Dec. 13: Hegseth and Trump back off some of their worst MAGA bullshit … Trump hilariously ad libs backtrack on Education-closing … UnitedHealth CEO pens NYT op-ed to not drop dead … AOC makes bid for new Dem leadership role …
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Hegseth Gets Woke
Defense secretary nominee Pete Hegseth is handing the U.S. military over to the woke mob, betraying the Christian principles he so proudly, uh, had injected under his skin.
Hegseth is currently making the rounds on Capitol Hill, lobbying senators to let him run the Pentagon despite his
Inexperience
Personal conduct toward women
Talking about women
Talking about LGBTQ+ people
Racism
Antisemitism
Drinking
Fox anchoring
Trump-not-Constitution loyalty-having
And it turns out the reason everyone hates Washington is also the reason for Hegseth surrendering even before he’s in position to start giving orders. The reason everyone hates Washington is because that’s the place where other people — those fucking assholes who aren’t me personally — get to have a say. Y’know, democratically!
In this case, it means senators have a say over Hegseth’s future. Some of them, even Republicans, care about things Hegseth has ridiculed. Like women in the military. Including women who used to have penises.
Why would Republicans care about such things? Again, they came to Washington, where other people not only get a say but exist. There are, as weird as some might find this, both women and LGBTQ+ people prowling the halls of the Capitol. Which means that even some Christian Republican senators gradually come to learn about them and shed the bullshit they once believed.
Like Hegseth’s bullshit!
Hegseth, CNN reported yesterday, has denigrated LGBTQ+ people in the distant past. Like, earlier this year.
He said policies that let LGBTQ+ people serve in the military “erode standards.” Which is true! Those policies definitely eroded the standard that required military recruits not to be LGBTQ+. Hegseth’s also opposed having women serve in combat roles.
But a funny thing happened yesterday. After separate meetings with Sens. Rand Paul (R-KY), Joni Ernst (R-IA), Susan Collins (R-ME) and Lisa Murkowski (R-AK), Hegseth was singing a different tune. Possibly a show tune.
In those hallway ambush moments we love so dearly, Hegseth was asked about his positions on who the Pentagon should block from serving.
CNN asked him whether he opposed the repeal of the law that barred LGBTQ+ people from serving openly. “Oppose the repeal? No, I don’t.”
Asked by unnamed reporters whether he supports gay people1 in the military, Hegseth said, “Yes.”
Asked by CNN whether he supports women in combat, Hegseth reportedly said he supports “all women serving in our military.”
And Team Trump appeared ready to join Hegseth in dropping its Biblically based opposition to women — who are supposed to serve, but not in the military! — and to LGBTQ+ people in order to get Hegseth confirmed. In a statement, Donald Trump’s spokesperson said, “Bottom line: If you can meet the standards, you can serve."
It’s not clear whether they used the phrase “bottom” in tribute to Hegseth’s abject submission. But here at TFN we choose to believe it. Bottom line: Woke mob 1, MAGA 0.
MEDIA WATCH The Politico article on Hegseth’s remarks yesterday included this passage:
The former Fox Host has previously labeled policies allowing gay and transgender troops a “Marxist agenda.”
Politico’s link went to a CNN article headlined “Pete Hegseth, Trump’s Defense pick, says allowing gay troops to serve openly reflects a Marxist agenda.” The lede of that story reads:
Pete Hegseth, President-elect Donald Trump’s pick for secretary of defense, has repeatedly criticized policies allowing gay people to serve openly in the US military, calling them part of a “Marxist” agenda to prioritize social justice over combat readiness.
When you get to the actual quote much further down, Hegseth never says “Marxist agenda” as Politico quotes him saying. And he doesn’t say what the CNN headline says he says. Here’s the quote, discussing an LGBTQ+ friendly military recruiting ad:
“[I]t’s just like everything else the Marxists and the leftists have done. At first it was camouflaged nicely and now they’re just, they’re just open about it.”
The word “agenda” came from CNN. Then Politico put it in quotes. Hegseth compared the incrementalism of LGBTQ+ military progress to other things “Marxists” and “leftists” have done. That may well be is dumb and stupid and dumb, but he’s not saying it’s part of a Marxist agenda.
This isn’t a defense of Hegseth — although everyone should be defended from inaccurate reporting! — it’s to flag that the right, even the MAGA right, are right when they complain about the some media. We shouldn’t expect MAGA to trust mainstream, corporate media that throws incendiary phrases like “Marxist agenda” in headlines and then quotation marks.
In full disclosure, TFN is pissed about this not just because we need better journalism, but also because we started writing this piece believing the “Marxist agenda” quote and then had to start from scratch seeing it was bullshit and in a related story you can support TFN’s more-responsible-than-Politico-and-CNN journalism with a donation or paid subscription.
Hey Look Here’s Trump Backing Down Without Even Anyone Pressuring Him To Just Because His Own Brain Kicked In
Pentagon nominee Pete Hegseth isn’t the only Trumper selling out Jesus and MAGA and everybody. President-elect Donald Trump is doing it, too. And unlike Hegseth, who’s bowing to Senate pressure, Trump appears to be caving in response not to external politics, but to his own, unwanted synaptic activity in the lump of protein and fat in his skull that makes his thoughts happen.
Trump gave a lengthy interview to Time magazine in conjunction with being named Person of the Year2. Time asks Trump about his (alleged) plans to close the Department of Education.
The fun part is, you can see him walk it back step by step, with virtually no prodding from Time. First he walks it back to a virtual closure, whatever that means. Then — thinking out loud because how else would Trump think? — he comes up with a carve-out for one specific subject where the feds presumably should be involved.
Then he carves out another subject. And appears to leave the door open for more. Follow along (italics added for walkback emphasis)!
Time: What does moving back to the states mean? Does that mean closing the Education Department?
Trump: A virtual closure of Department of Education in Washington.
Time: Virtual closure?
Trump: Well, [thinking happens] you're going to need some people [federal bureaucrats who think they know best] just to make sure they're teaching English in the schools. [More thinking happens] Okay, you know English and mathematics, let's say.
“Let’s say” being bureaucratic jargon for “I reserve the right to remember science at some later date.”
Of course, “moving” education back to the states isn’t a thing. There’s already tons of local and state control over schools. Which is why so many are terrible.
The reason there’s a federal Education Department is to make them less terrible. It’s pretty much the same dynamic you find with any states’-rights issue. Shitty-ass corrupt, local-business-controlled local government try to fuck over their people and Washington says, “Dude.”
FLASHNOTSOFARBACK If you missed it, TFN did a deep dive last month on the origins of Education Department hostility. Obviously, it has its roots in President Andrew Johnson’s nation-cursing refusal to finish the fucking Civil War.
UnitedHealth CEO Issues New Policy of Please Don’t Kill Me
In a New York Times opinion piece this morning, UnitedHealth Group CEO Andrew Witty shares his new company policy that please don’t kill him.
Witty writes movingly of his opinion that he should not be killed, laying out a detailed outline of why don’t kill him please, and framing this controversial policy as a plea to fix the health-care system. Especially by not sending Witty into it with bullets.
Witty reminds readers that his employees include actual, real, medical personnel who deliver rather than deny care, and whose numbers are vast enough for him to hide behind in order that he not be killed please.
Despite having legions of communications professionals crafting and vetting his statement of support for not-killing-him, Witty can’t help reveal that UnitedHealth’s corporate cluelessness abides.
He, or someone writing as he, writes that “we understand people’s frustrations,” just two paragraphs after admitting that they’re “struggling to make sense of … the vitriol that has been directed at our colleagues [including he].”
Which is it? Understand? Or struggling to make sense of? Surely, you don’t want innocent, trusting Newsfuckers to suspect that you just said one of these things without regard to the fact that it contradicts the other, now, do you?
To what end? Merely to not be killed please? (I mean, that’s a pretty good reason, now that The Fucking News thinks of it.)
Witty tells more lies in his crusade not to be killed. “No one would design a system like the one we have,” he lies. “And no one did,” he more lies.
In fact, Witty did. And so did slain executive Brian Thompson. As Witty himself says, because what even is internal consistency, “It’s a patchwork built over decades.”
Thompson was a patcher. Witty is a patcher. UnitedHealth has spent millions of dollars over decades on patchwork-building, paying lobbyists and donating to politicians to cut holes in the laws that protect people and stitch in ways to avoid paying for stitches.
Tellingly, Witty doesn’t tell us how we should all work together to fix the health-care system that most Americans agree should have options other than being insured by for-profit companies that deny life-saving care.
“We are willing to partner with anyone, as we always have — health care providers, employers, patients, pharmaceutical companies, governments and others — to find ways to deliver high-quality care and lower costs,” Witty says lies. Gawrsh, if only there were some way (that the vast majority of other developed countries hasn’t already found) to do that!
We know Witty’s lying about partnering with anyone because, privately, after Thompson’s murder, Witty told employees not to listen to their critics who, TFN can confirm, are technically part of “anyone.” In an internal video leaked to my former colleague Ken Klippenstein, Witty tells employees, “I encourage you to tune out that critical noise that we’re hearing right now. It does not reflect reality.”
Got that? UnitedHealth won’t listen to you if your criticism doesn’t reflect reality as defined by UnitedHealth. Flashback: Older Newsfuckers may recall that Witty literally just said earlier in this very article that he’s “struggling to make sense of … the vitriol.” (Pro tip: When you define reality on your terms and then build patchworks to conform to that reality, you get vitriol.)
As the American Prospect wrote earlier this week, UnitedHealth’s real collaborative work is with partners like the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), which refers its members to UnitedHealth’s terrible insurance plans in return for UnitedHealth kickbacks.
Witty’s piece was published on Friday the 13th. So, good luck with that.
Pelosi Tries to Block Ocasio-Cortez Leadership Bid
This might be much ado about nothing, and TFN is reluctant to focus overmuch on internecine Democratic battles, or knee-jerk bashing of Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). But…
At a time when more aggressive Democrats are seeking leadership roles in the House of Representatives next year, and since the battle is still ongoing, this seems worth flagging.
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) wants to become the Democratic leader — the ranking member — of the House Committee on Oversight and Reform. It might sound boringly bureaucratic, but that committee will be the battlefield for a number of important, uh, battles next year.
Rep. Gerry Connolly (D-VA) also wants the ranking-member slot. And Pelosi wants him to have it. And I want a pony and universal health care so robust that Andrew Witty would struggle to make sense of it.
Unnamed sources tell Axios that Pelosi is lobbying members to vote for Connolly, a 74-year-old with cancer. Now, in fairness, a 74-year-old with cancer might, in theory, come in with a refreshing nothing-to-lose attitude.
But elevating him to the slot is an investment with a limited payoff period. Ocasio-Cortez has decades left in politics. And she’s already worked hard to balance her progressive policy priorities against the play-nice demands of the party.
You can’t ask people to suck it up forever without eventually giving them a platform and power to make good on what they want to do.
The party’s Steering Committee will make its recommendations Tuesday for committee ranking-member positions, followed by the full Democratic caucus voting on them. Ocasio-Cortez reportedly has a majority on her side. For now.
The committee may not have as high a profile as others or a cool-sounding jurisdiction like Intelligence. But its reach extends to every corner of the executive branch, giving Ocasio-Cortez — or Connolly! — vast potential to make noise on anything RePresident Donald Trump does.
Biden Issues Record Number of Pardons Too Late to Conceal the One for His Son, History’s Greatest Monster
Pres. Joe Biden yesterday commuted more sentences than any president ever has in a single day. (Not counting all the de facto commutations from presidents consistently refusing to prosecute prior administrations, obvi.)
Biden commuted the sentences of 1,499 people and granted pardons to 39 more. They were, unfortunately, pretty weasely, milquetoast acts of clemency, especially compared to the brazen nature of the pardon for his son, Hunter Biden, history’s greatest monster.
According to Politico, Biden’s commutations were only given to people who’d already completed their prison terms and done at least a year of home confinement. No one actually still in prison.
And the federal government’s death row still remains fully populated, just sitting there for RePresident Donald Trump to scratch the itch for violence bequeathed to him by his criminal father.
Trump during his four years in office put more federal prisoners to death than any president had in a century. None were executed during Biden’s presidency.
But 40 inmates who received death sentences are still lined up for Trump to kill starting Jan. 20. And you thought prima nocta was bad.
There are also a ton of people not on death row but still on one of Trump’s lists: Shit-, enemies-, and to-do-.
Biden did, however, announce that he will “take more steps in the weeks ahead.” Which, at his age, is good news! And, look, maybe the 1,499 were just the easiest and figuring out who to spring next from behind bars takes a little more work.
Some of the high-profile prisoners still hoping to make it to Biden’s “Nice” list include Leonard Peltier, the native American activist convicted of killing two FBI agents, and human-rights lawyer Steven Donzinger, who violated the laws of Chevron and was successfully prosecuted by the government Chevron.
At least 34 members of Congress have written to Biden asking him to pardon Donzinger, assuming he has jurisdiction over the Chevron legal system.
Jewish Champion for Religious Freedom of the Troops Targeted … Again
Writer and activist Paul Rosenberg reports (warning: Gross image) yet another attack on Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) founder and President Mikey Weinstein. A former Reagan Pentagon official, Weinstein today wages a war for the right of American troops to serve free of proselytization. The battle extends as far as keeping the wreaths of Christian zealots off the graves of non-Christian military dead.
And this time, Weinstein’s enemies have decorated his mailbox — at his home — with a string of shit. Not the rhetorical strings of shit you can find on Fox or on Weinstein’s voice mail. Actual shit.
Rosenberg notes that most of Weinstein’s clients are themselves Christian — and just don’t want to be forced by their superiors to be “more” Christian or the “right” Christian. Because Jesus fucking Christ already.
The context now is that this year House Republicans tried to ban U.S. servicemembers from seeking help from the MRFF. That’s how much they respect the troops and honor real, actual religious freedom.
Weinstein confirmed the most recent attack to me and I interviewed him early this year for an article over on the Jonathan Larsen Substack about the antisemitism to which he and his family are subjected.
This most recent attack was also covered by Albuquerque, NM, station KRQE, which admirably identified the MRFF’s mission as “trying to reinstate the separation of church and state within the military.” Not sure KRQE realized they were implying that separation has been undone, but kudos for saying it, regardless!
Weekend Recommended Reading
TFN fave Cory Doctorow writes both fiction and non-fiction. The American Prospect just got permission to post one of his short stories online. It’s called “Radicalization.” It’s from 2019. It’s “A short story about health care, and desperation.” You can read it here.
TCB
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Politico doesn’t quote the actual question, so it’s not clear whether Hegseth was literally asked about “gay” versus “LGBTQ+” people.
Which, by the way, was a good choice; at least, going by the original metric which used to be who was the most important, thing-changing person of the year, regardless of good-itude, which Trump certainly was.
TFN wrote: “No one would design a system like the one we have,” he lies. “And no one did,” he more lies.
Monty Python replies: "Right, we'll arrest no one instead."
Changing the tune they are singing on women in combat roles and LGBT folx is great, but unfortunately is being done in service to getting somebody in that role who is ethically malleable.
The bigger concern here remains, and actually becomes more likely when senators have plausible denial, that he will order the military to act against civilians expressing dissent.