Musk Grabs Trump By His Johnson

When you're a half-trillionaire with more Twitter followers, Trump lets you do it

Dec. 20: Government poised to achieve maximum efficiency with midnight shutdown … (Congress sneaking $196 billion past Presidents Musk and Trump) … Amazon workers strike, Starbucks workers poised to follow … Mangione hit with federal — possibly capital — charges …

You can listen to the TFN podcast here.

Half-trillionaire Elon Musk explains shit to a subordinate. (Screengrab / Fox video.)

As a half-trillionaire businessperson genius, Elon Musk has repeatedly failed to make good on his promises in timely fashion.

But he’s fucking up the U.S. government way ahead of schedule.

We are now less than 24 hours away from a shutdown of the United States federal government thanks to Musk’s assumption that titular President-elect Donald Trump actually gives a shit about government spending.

And, sure enough, what was the sticking point in last night’s new drama?

Musk on Wednesday blew up Plan A to fund the government and provide new disaster relief along with other useful shit government does. He did it because — he feels in his heart and bones and other non-brain organs — that the government spends too much.

Then yesterday, trying to clean up Musk’s mess, Trump ordered House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) to try a Plan B, hoping Musk wouldn’t notice it was almost identical to Plan A.

But Trump himself blew up Plan B by insisting that it raise the debt ceiling. The debt ceiling is a landmine planted decades ago in the global economy. It basically prevents the U.S. from borrowing more money. Which would be fine! Except…

That would mean the government runs out of money to do stuff like feed people, and it would mean the U.S. can’t borrow money to repay new debts that come due.

That last one’s a huge point. Because not paying debts is called defaulting. And the U.S. government is the bedrock of the global economy. There is no more stable currency. And no more trustworthy debtor than the U.S. Treasury.

If the U.S. defaults — because it hits its debt limit and can’t borrow more money to pay its debts — global traders will fill their pantalones with so much merde the entire world economy will go l’boom. Trump already had to deal with that Sword of Damocles during Trump1.0 and doesn’t want a repeat.

So now, Trump’s appointed government-efficiency guy is working to reduce spending while Trump is fighting to spend infinity.

How’s that for efficient!

Democrats voted against Plan B yesterday because (1) they were left out of negotiations so screw you, Kyle, I’m going home, and (2) Plan B’s debt-ceiling increase wasn’t permanent, meaning the GOP would eventually use a government shutdown threat to force more spending cuts.

But Plan B could have passed if 38 Republicans hadn’t voted against it. Why did they? Because despite the rampant MAGAfication of the Republican party, at least 38 House Republicans still have principles.

Just, two different kinds of principles.

Some have signs of sanity. And were even willing to take on Musk after he made Johnson fuck up everything.

Agriculture Committee Chair Glenn Thompson (R-PA) went all Mean Girls on Musk, catting to reporters that he “didn’t see where Musk has a voting card.”

The New York Times reports that Thompson did a lot of work on the (dead) bill’s payments to farmers. And yesterday dared to suggest that Republican oligarchs might not be true men of the people: “I’m not sure he [Musk! Musk! That’s Musk he’s talking about!] understands the plight of the normal working people right now,” Thompson said.

The other Republican principles at play here are deeply stupid and infantile principles, but principles nonetheless.

MAGA Republicans supported Trump because they believed he shares those/any principles. Because they’re deeply stupid and infantile. To wit:

Rep. Chip Roy (R-TX) voted no last night. “My position is simple — I am not going to raise or suspend the debt ceiling (racking up more debt) without significant & real spending cuts attached to it. I’ve been negotiating to that end. No apologies.”

Hilariously, Trump threatened Roy with a primary, forgetting that two years in congressional politics is longer than the timespan of events in Interstellar. Still, Trump passive-aggressively hoped for some primary challenger “to go after Chip in the Primary. He won’t have a chance!”¹

Of course — and also insanely — Roy wants to cut spending now because next year he’s gonna go to bat for extending the trillion-plus-dollar Trump tax cuts.

That’s partly why we’re seeing Democrats split on the debt ceiling. The party broadly has been fighting to scrap it entirely. But suspending it for just a couple years would give Trump’s priorities all the benefits of removing the debt ceiling, while still leaving it as a tool against Democratic spending in the future.

It’s worth keeping in mind that the MAGA split reflects some profound tensions. Johnson is a lifelong conservative Christian extremist. Presidents Trump and Musk are both former Democrats who have as of press time not accepted Jesus as their personal Lord and savior. Like, at all.

Sen. JD Vance (R-OH), who as of press time apparently still exists, is a former atheist who rejected and subsequently shat on his evangelical upbringing and is now Catholic in some way. And also has at some point supported feeding people at least with loaves and/or fishes.

Sure enough, while Trump may have lost Roy, he coyly tried to move on Democrats like a bitch. “The Democrats have said they want to get rid of it,” Trump wrote about the debt ceiling yesterday. “If they want to get rid of it, I would lead the charge.”

In other words, Psst, can you pass a note to the Democrats asking if they like like killing the debt ceiling?

And, hey, a number of Democrats came out yesterday for killing it.

As the American Prospect’s David Dayen noted, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) has been part of the rapid-response, resist-everything Democratic frontline, but didn’t bat an eye backing Trump on the debt ceiling: “I agree with President-elect Trump that Congress should terminate the debt limit and never again govern by hostage taking.”

On the other side, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) slapped down a debt-ceiling increase, at least at the moment. Jeffries tied it — for reasons I confess escape me — to Social Security: “GOP extremists want House Democrats to raise the debt ceiling so that House Republicans can lower the amount of your Social Security check.”

Dayen argues that if it’s a temporary debt-ceiling freeze, Jeffries is right to force Republicans to pass it on their own. If Republicans will eliminate the debt ceiling forever, then, Dayen says, Democrats should jump on the opportunity.

And lest anyone forget, the last time Republicans publicly fucked around with the possibility of defaulting on repaying U.S. debt, just the prospect of that possibility led to a slight downgrade in America’s credit rating, costing taxpayers billions of dollars.

Of course, with Trump now against the debt ceiling, lots of MAGA loyalists are obediently dropping their years of principled support for it. Tennessee station NC5 reminded folks that Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) called it “irresponsible” for then-Pres. Barack Obama, who was then-Black, to raise the debt ceiling without locking in spending cuts to make up for it.

Now, Blackburn incoherently put these two sentences literally right next to each other where they could kiss and hold hands and touch each other: “The debt ceiling is Schumer’s only leverage to stop President Trump from implementing his America First agenda. President Trump is right to look at ways to rein in our country’s out-of-control spending.”

In other words, Republicans are okay smashing debt ceilings when it’s a good and/or white person doing it.

(Sssshhh, Congress About to Pass $196 Billion in New Spending Musk Hasn’t Noticed Yet)

Seriously, Newsfuckers, no one tell Elon. Because there’s still one more procedural vote needed to finalize a new spending bill, so it could still die if anyone spills the beans to the bean-counters.

That said, last night the Senate overwhelmingly — 73 to 23 — passed a bill authorizing $196 billion to end legal provisions that reduced Social Security payments to non-federal government workers and their families — so much that some were left close to poverty, which is only supposed to happen if you have medical bills.

The legislation already passed the Republican-controlled House last month, with a similarly whopping 327 to 75 vote. Which means once the Senate’s procedural vote is done, it just needs Pres. Joe Biden’s signature.

Of course, we’re talking about almost twice as much money as the amount that blew up the budget deals this week, but Presidents Musk and Trump haven’t raised a stink, so it seems to be safe. For now.

Even JD Vance (R-OH) voted for it, without his bosses watching. Only two Democratic caucus members opposed it: Sens. Tom Carper (D-DE) and (drink) Joe Manchin (I-WV).

The bill will make life easier for an estimated 2.3 million retirees until Musk finds out where they live and sends Vivek Ramaswamy to take back the money and kill their cats.

Musk Finally Succeeds in Building a Tunnel – Through the GOP

President-elect Donald Trump isn’t even in office yet and he’s already managed to break his party.

That’s because Elon Musk, who also isn’t even in office yet, is sharply dividing Republicans by telling Trump to tell Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) to tell them what to do.

As mentioned above, Rep. Chip Roy (R-TX) isn’t playing ball with Musk. And neither are some of those on Team Trump. One unnamed person close to Trump as if anyone’s close to Trump told Politico, “Elon knows a lot about launching rockets into space. But what does he know about the minutiae of political dealmaking?”

Imagine having someone from Trump world disparage your knowledge of the minutiae of anything.

Then there are the chaos cheerleaders. Who are now pushing/trolling for Musk as speaker of the House. Here’s Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY):

The Speaker of the House need not be a member of Congress . . .

Nothing would disrupt the swamp more than electing Elon Musk . . . think about it . . . nothing’s impossible. (not to mention the joy at seeing the collective establishment, aka ‘uniparty,’ lose their ever-lovin’ minds)²

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) quickly seconded Paul’s motion.

What Paul doesn’t seem to grasp — along with many, many other things — is that Musk as speaker wouldn’t make the Democratic establishment lose their minds, it would make them lose their shit laughing at the prospect of putting Musk’s clownery at center stage, with the entire House Republican fingerprint on it.

Don’t, as the kids say, threaten me with a good time. I might just lose my ever-lovin’ mind.

The Funding Bill Could Pay for Itself

One of the unintendedgiven-a-shit-about consequences of a funding extension like the one that died Wednesday (RIP) and the one that died Thursday (RIP) is that it would kill off $20 billion in funding for the Internal Revenue Service.

As the Revolving Door Project’s Dylan Gyauch-Lewis wrote for the American Prospect, the last funding deal clawed back $20 billion in IRS funding. Another $20 billion was frozen in a September deal — and Democrats haven’t pushed to fix that in any of this week’s bills.

As always, it’s worth pointing out that funding the IRS is more than free, it generates money. Every taxpayer dollar that goes to the IRS generates a return of $12 in revenue from non-taxpaying illionaires.

So the GOP may succeed this week in carving out a total of $41.8 billion in “savings” from the IRS budget, but that will ultimately cost taxpayers $460 billion. #Efficiency #Billionaires #Genius

Oh Shit Look Who’s Actually Already Shutting Down

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos had dinner³ with Presidents-elect Donald Trump and Elon Musk Wednesday night. And as the American Prospect’s Harold Meyerson reports, Teamsters-affiliated workers went on strike Thursday morning at seven Amazon warehouses. Just in time for Festivus!

Some of those warehouses serve New York, Chicago, and San Francisco, meaning Amazon deliveries for the holidays could disappear like the last can of Who-hash.

You may recall that the Teamsters helped deliver union votes to Trump, although the Teamsters didn’t formally endorse him. Now, as Meyerson puts it, we’re witnessing “a three-handed poker game between Bezos, Trump, and Teamsters president Sean O’Brien.”

Thing is, even if O’Brien manages to mitigate Trump’s anti-union tendencies when it comes to Amazon, it likely won’t matter in the long run. As TFN has noted and Meyerson reiterates today, the real arbiter between worker and oligarch is the National Labor Relations Board. And the NLRB looks poised to sign on with Team Oligarch under Trump, thanks to departing Sens. Kyrsten Sinema (I-AZ) and Joe Manchin (I-WV) killing Pres. Joe Biden’s NLRB nomination last week.

STARBUCKS, TOO Workers at Starbucks are launching a five-day strike today that could, they hope, spread to hundreds of stores.

Starbucks Workers United says the giant company has failed to deliver on its promise to reach a labor deal this year. And also wants the giant scofflaw company to settle hundreds of complaints of unfair labor practices if not right this instant than any time before Trump owns the NLRB, please and thank you.

Mangione Slapped with Federal Charges by Always Fast-Responding Justice Department

Attorney General Merrick “Speedy Gonzarland” yesterday charged Luigi Mangione with committing several federal crimes, including federal murder, which could be punishable by death under President-elect Donald Trump who wouldn’t be President-elect Donald Trump if Garland had been anywhere near this fast when Trump also committed his crimes on video only then it was literally aired live to the entire goddamn fucking world.

Since Mangione didn’t (allegedly) shoot UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson across state lines on the George Washington Bridge or something, what exactly makes this a federal case? Mangione traveled across state lines to do it.

And unlike Mangione, the only mask Trump was wearing was his signature orange patina.

Pentagon Turns Away Baby Jesus

Two-thousand years old, and Baby Jesus still can’t find a place to stay.

As we re-reminded all you secularism-loving Newsfuckers, religious and otherwise, earlier this week, Defense secretary nominee Pete Hegseth is a Christian crusader looking to stick Jesus onto every branch of the military as if Jesus hasn’t had more than enough of being stuck on branches thank you very much.

Democrats objecting to Hegseth aren’t objecting to his theocracy. But American Atheists President Nick Fish this week threw the marker down, opposing Hegseth’s nomination on the basis of his Christian extremism. And the Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) just won an important victory that reminds us what’s at stake.

The MRFF Wednesday announced that the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, probably the military’s best known medical facility, waved the white flag almost immediately after the MRFF objected to it waving the Christian flag.

The MRFF represents military personnel — most of them Christian! — defending them from illegal, unconstitutional, superstitious, unscientific, and downright rude proselytizing by military officials whose Christian morality doesn’t preclude them from exploiting their power over personnel who don’t share their magic beliefs.

In this case, Walter Reed planted right in the main lobby a nativity scene, showing animals gathered around the Baby Jesus just as it never ever happened.

The dangers of this ostensibly benign kind of bullshit are multifold. Just as a symbol and expression of power, it’s wrong. Even if no one objects or gives an atheist shit.

But also, it’s offensive to people — military and otherwise — who rightly expect taxpayer spaces to be universally inclusive and free of religious endorsements. But also also, especially now with Hegseth and his backward Christian soldiers hovering, it’s especially important to hold the line against this shit.

Because also also also, it’s not just that MRFF clients will have their freedoms infringed by proselytization: It’s that numb-brained non-clients will be subject to this proselytization and it’ll work on them.

It is, in other words, the knife-edge of theocratizing the U.S. military.

So, on behalf of 41 staff, patients, and family members — who weirdly didn’t want their fucking government shoving myths down their throats while they were trying to die and/or recover in peace — MRFF founder and President Mikey Weinstein wrote in his inimitable and pre-Trump style to Walter Reed’s director:

“We at the Military Religious Freedom Foundation (mrff.org) respectfully demand that you immediately remove this unconstitutional, illicit and clearly sectarian Christian nativity scene display … and relocate it to a time, place and manner where it will not be viciously violating the U.S. Constitution’s/First Amendment’s separation of church and state mandate, all of its construing Federal caselaw, innumerable DoD and Dept. of the Navy Directives, Instructions and Regulations, the UCMJ [Uniform Code of Military Justice], the Core Values of the U.S. Navy and all of the other service branches!!”

According to the MRFF, it worked and Baby Jesus and His family retreated to a hospital chapel where your persnickety TFN would argue it still doesn’t belong because even/especially the chapels are supposedly non-sectarian.

The 41 Baby Jesus objectors included 27 Christians, along with Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, agnostics, atheists, believers of Native American faiths, and obviously Satan Himself. Go get ‘em, Satan Himself!

And Merry Christmas, First Amendment lovers of all faiths and none!

Two Quickies

• As your diligent TFN told you yesterday, Wednesday’s murdered funding bill contained a provision stopping ticket sellers from surprising you with secret bullshit fees at checkout. Well, the Biden administration may manage to ban that bullshit even though the bill died. The Federal Trade Commission this week finalized a new regulation preventing that bullshit. And it’s got bipartisan support so there’s a chance it’ll even survive the Trump-Musk administration.

• TFN today canceled its planned party to celebrate one month of totally fucking ignoring the New Jersey drones story. TFN’s signature journalistic ethos is to not react to shit just because people are reacting to shit — and there’s been no indication the drones were worth newsfucking. Interesting? Sure. Fun to speculate and squee about with your friends? Yes! Newsworthy enough for newsfucking in the context of everything else going on? As Newsfuckers know, by-the-book newsfucking requires ignoring shit like this. But yesterday, bowing to the public freakout, the Federal Aviation Administration banned drone flights in New York and New Jersey areas. TFN has been asked what TFN thinks the objects are and the answer is TFN doesn’t know but TFN does know to keep calm and carry on. As the Department of Homeland [sic] Security said, “[T]here is no public safety threat.”

TCB

SUPPORTING TFN If supporting TFN means skimping on your holidays, please don’t. TFN is free so it can fight for you, not ask you to make sacrifices you can’t afford. But if you can afford it, and if TFN helps you stare our Musk-Trumpian future in its reddened eyes, please consider supporting TFN with a donation or paid subscription. Thank you.

CAPITALISM Check out The TFN Store! The subtly hilarious TFN logo adorns a broad range of merch, including this maybe not handsome but at least utilitarian wine tumbler, handy for those occasions when liquid courage would go well with your newsletter courage…

SOCIAL-ISM We’re on at least 71% of all the social medias! Namely, Bluesky, Threads, Instagram, Facebook, Mastodon, and Spoutible.

Go get ‘em, kids! And have a great holiday weekend shopping for others and taking care of others and yourselves, too, dammit!

1. I probably shoulda made a “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest” reference.

2. Historically astute Newsfuckers may recall that the last person to use the word “ever-lovin’” was Stan Lee in 1980’s Daredevil #168.

3. Steak au poiverty.