Trump Vows to Use Military to Raise Food Prices

With immigrant labor holding down food prices, Trump vows extreme remedies

Nov. 19: Trump to plunder military funds … Food industry could lose 1.7 million workers … Putin loosens nuke rules … “Real World” star to head entire federal agency for real …

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Then-Pres. Donald Trump, flanked by then-Joint Chiefs Chair Gen. Mark Milley, right, and then-Attorney General Bill Barr, further right, on June 1, 2020, when Trump snookered Milley into giving a military veneer to an unauthorized photo opp at a damaged church, which later led to an apology from Milley, now a fugitive from the law. (Shealah Craighead / then-White House photo.)

Because the civilian federal government lacks the resources to raise America’s food prices dramatically and quickly, RePresident-elect Donald Trump yesterday confirmed that the U.S. military will help out.

Trump is planning to declare a national emergency two months from now, giving him extraordinary executive powers to raise America’s food prices, including enlisting the troops.

He plans to carry out his plan by removing an estimated 1.7 million workers from the farm and food industries. The resulting crises in production, supply, and distribution will make costs soar for farms and food companies, which will then distribute those price hikes to people in desperate need of higher prices, including those who voted for Trump because inflation.

Trump announced his plan to use the military for unprecedented operations on U.S. soil the way most presidents roll out controversial plans, sharing a post from someone else announcing it and then yelling “TRUE!!!”

In this case, someone was Tom Fitton, the head of the right-wing group Judicial Watch. On Nov. 8, Fitton Tweeted … uh, Truthed? … that Trump2.0 is “prepared to declare a national emergency and will use military assets to reverse the [Pres. Joe] Biden invasion [sic] through a mass deportation program.”

While this sounds like the U.S. Army will be laying siege to sanctuary cities, that’s obviously not going to happen except to Hollywood. They know what they did.

Instead, the New York Times reports, incoming White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy Stephen Miller said last year that military funds will be used to augment maxed-out Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) facilities.

That’s right, Trump is going to rob America’s soldiers in order to build free socialist housing for the savage criminals to stop them from feeding us. Because MAGA.

And because Trump2.0 won’t let your precious norms and/or laws stand in the way of raising your food prices.

Trump re-won the White House promising to raise prices on a range of items. Some of the price hikes will be accomplished by forcing consumers to pay more for anything from outside the country.

But tariffs can only raise prices dramatically. Achieving truly what-the-everlasting-gobstopping-fuck levels of price hikes can only be accomplished by the U.S .military.

After paying for that socialist immigrant housing by stealing funds from our brave men and women and nonbinary people in cis-neutral uniform, Trump will then force those same troops to help fill out the ranks of ICE officers. Just like the troops signed up for.

Fulfilling Trump’s plan, American troops will then help remove an estimated 41%¹ of America’s cropworkers.

In 2021, the Center for American Progress counted up the number of undocumented immigrants who’ve been holding down food prices for years:

• 300,000 in farming and agriculture

• Almost 200,000 in crop production

• 66,000 raising adorable chickens and pigs and moocows so we can eat their meat and whatever other slurry gets stamped into food shapes.

Then there are the 206,000 additional undocumented immigrants who take all that processed flora and fauna and stuff it into cans or kill it and then stuff it into cans.

According to one estimate, the cost of Trump2.0’s mass deportations will run almost $100 billion a year, which will be paid by China Mexico Jesus Santa us.

The deportations will have a smaller impact on the price of foods made without animal or plant content, such as ketchup.

Once the economic effect² of the deportations ripples through supply chains, sending food prices soaring, Trump and his new Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., will likely declare victory in their campaign to help Americans lose weight.

Putin Loosens Nuke Rules

It’s okay, you can come out of your bunker, oh, terrified billionaire: Russian President Vladimir Putin pulls this kind of shit all the time.

Putin yesterday revised Russia’s nuclear-use doctrine to authorize a nuclear response in the event of a large-scale aerial assault on Moscow. That followed Pres. Joe Biden allowing Ukraine to use long-range U.S. missiles capable of, uh, well, a large-scale aerial assault on Moscow. That followed Russia cheating in its invasion of Ukraine by getting help from 8,000 North Korean troops.

Anyway, in the context of Putin’s latest saber-rattling, the Institute for the Study of War (ISW) notes that “Russia has not previously escalated militarily against any perceived Western violations of Russia's ‘red lines’ — as ISW has repeatedly observed.” (And as TFN has repeatedly observed ISW repeatedly observing.)

Besides, this gives Putin something to hand RePresident Donald Trump. You watch, on Jan. 20, Putin will bring the restrictions back, or something. And The Resistance can resume yelling that Trump is a Russian asset.

Sanders to Introduce Bills to End U.S. Support for Hamas

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) says that on Wednesday he and other senators will introduce multiple bills to block U.S. arms sales that are helping Hamas.

According to Zeteo’s Prem Thakker, six other Democrats have signed on, representing 13.7% of the Democratic caucus. If enacted into law, the new law would require the U.S. to obey the existing laws against providing arms for human-rights violations. (Those laws already require the U.S. to follow those laws.)

In a Washington Post opinion piece, Sanders writes that the U.S. has supplied Israel with more than 50,000 tons of bombs and other equipment totaling $18 billion. The U.S. military supplies, Sanders writes, have successfully isolated Israel and weakened its national security, thanks to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu using them to:

• Orphan 17,000 Gaza kids

• Deprive Gaza’s children of an estimated 10-20 legs every day

• Kill 43,000 people

• Injure more than 103,000 people

• Destroy or damage 70% of Gaza’s water and sanitation plants

• Destroy or damage 84% of health facilities, and

• Destroy or damage 87% of housing

The toll of Israel’s bombing also includes untold damage done to the campaign of Vice Pres. Kamala Harris.

Critics have suggested that Netanyahu is keeping the war going to head off criminal charges. As if any developed nation would let accused criminals evade justice by holding public office!

Speaking of RePresident-elect Donald Trump, he has said he wants a cease-fire in place before he’s back in the White House, and doesn’t care how many remaining Palestinians Netanyahu has to kill to do it.

Electric Vehicles Gaining Trump-Proof Momentum

Remember how yesterday’s TFN presciently flagged green initiatives gaining unstoppable momentum in the private sector? Well, after decades of Democratic politicians getting behind electric vehicles to push, EVs appear to be moving on their own now. And just in time, too.

The New York Times reports that recent studies found that installing EV chargers brings in more customers. Of course, that probably also incentivizes more driving, thus offsetting the environmental gains fro—dammit this was supposed to be a feel-good story!

Anyhoo, researchers looked at almost 1,600 Tesla chargers installed at commercial locations in more than 800 U.S. counties, including stupid ones.

Retailers with chargers closer than 150 meters — because of course these Commies use unpatriotic units — reported a 5% increase in sales after the chargers were installed. Chargers further away but still within walking distance even for Americans correlated with a 4% increase.

Even Walmart is now installing chargers under its own brand, so that drivers who want to save the planet can choose between two evil brands of chargers.

Either way, Trump’s vow to slash incentives for renewables may no longer matter, because America’s corporate geniuses have finally identified a way to profit off not the end of the world.

“Real World” Star to Run Dept. of Transportation in The Real World

RePresident-elect Donald Trump will nominate Fox co-host Sean Duffy to oversee the federal agency that ensures essential parts in commercial jets don’t go to a commercial break in mid-air.

Duffy’s experience in governance and serving the public includes key roles at several high-profile agencies:

MTV

• The Real World: Boston

• Road Rules: All Stars

• Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Seasons

• The Real World Awards Bash

ESPN

• Great Outdoor Games

Fox Business

• The Bottom Line

Duffy has also had a bit part in the House of Representatives as a background character for nine seasons, from 2011 through 2019.

In that role, Duffy was a star member of the Transportation and Infrastructure Committee on Financial Services, where he tried to weaken consumer protections, a history of no relevance whatsoever to his new job protecting consumers while they’re 35,000 feet in the air.

While in Congress, Duffy introduced only four bills relevant to transportation, Politico reported. Only one reached its destination, the Senate, where it stalled. The others included measures to restrict the ability of regulatory agencies to protect people from companies…

…like the transportation companies Duffy lobbied for starting in 2019. Open Secrets reports that transportation companies are some of Duffy’s top clients.

Duffy will oversee the Transportation Department’s regulation of pipelines, trains carrying dangerous cargo, bridges not falling down, trucking and other elements of America’s supply chains. It will also be Duffy’s job to deprive American communities of whatever’s left of Pres. Joe Biden’s infrastructure funds and help Trump take credit for whatever does get spent.

Democrats inclined to smack the nomination due to Duffy’s lack of experience may not recall that Secretary Pete Buttigieg’s only experience for the role was serving as mayor of South Bend, IN. His transportation record there included a traffic initiative that he was positive didn’t kill an 11-year-old boy.

Politico asked Rep. Garret Graves (R-La.), who also vied for the job, whether Duffy was a good pick. Graves said, “It’s crystal clear to me that the president’s got a type.”

That’s a reference to the Fox-flavored telegeneity common to many of Trump’s picks. Trump, another former reality TV star, seems to understand that results won’t matter; the story about results will matter.

He’s reportedly described Treasury candidate Kevin Warsh as handsome and admired the looks of Defense nominee Pete Hegseth, another Fox veteran.

Democrats inclined to smack Trump for fixating on TV hosts spent most of yesterday obsessing over two of their own…

Diplomatic Talks Resume Between Warring Tribes

Diplomatic emissaries from MSNBC revealed yesterday that they have initiated unofficial negotiations with RePresident-elect Donald Trump in a bid to end seven years of hostilities and ease tensions.

Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, the married couple who co-host a liberal show named for the one who’s a man, announced yesterday that back-channel communications led to a secret meeting on Friday after the two envoys traveled to Trump’s Florida compound.

The two said that they discussed abortion, deportation of immigrants, and — oh, hey, how about this? — Trump’s threats against the media, which are they.

Trump confirmed the talks, telling Fox they were “very positive.”

News of the shadow diplomacy was already yielding dividends Monday, inspiring national unity as both left- and right-wing leaders formed a new, ad hoc coalition to rhetorically destroy Scarborough and Brzezinksi.

Brzezinski defended meeting Trump, asking “Why wouldn’t we?” The entire internet proceeded to offer answers.

Even fellow MSNBC host Katie Phang said, “Normalizing Trump is a bad idea. Period.”

That said, diplomats engage with even worse tyrants all the time. Historically, it’s been Republicans who’ve said America shouldn’t talk to people whose behavior most needs modifying, because that elevates or vindicates them or whatever.

Your circumspect TFN won’t weigh in on yesterday’s specific detente, because no one is obliged to have an opinion on everything, especially in the absence of facts, which are still a thing for at least two more months.

But your non-remiss TFN would be remiss not to stand by its commentary of just a couple weeks ago suggesting that a full-scale rejection of diplomacy with Trump could cost the left opportunities to mitigate the harm he’s about to do. Trying to work with him might even save a few lives in the process.

And if that means Morning Joe has to lose tons of viewers — who wisely sign up to get their news from TFN every morning instead — well, dammit, that’s a price TFN is willing to pay.

Biden Pardons?

As promised/threatened, TFN posted yet another Bonus Story yesterday! If you missed it or have turned off notifications for TFN Bonus Stories, we made the somewhat tongue-in-cheek suggestion that Pres. Joe Biden pre-emptively pardon everyone in sight before someone tells RePresident Donald Trump what a gulag is.

I thought including Travis Kelce on the list of prospects would signal that your occasionally dry TFN was being dry, but boy it blew up like I did not expect and some folks felt pretty strongly about it!

I do want to address one objection, which was that pardons would be an admission of guilt. Which, not necessarily?

For one thing, presidents can’t admit other people’s guilt. Maybe accepting a pardon can be seen as an admission of guilt, but there’s nothing — literally nothing, thanks to the Supreme Court — preventing Biden from just wording his pardons to not admit guilt. Plus, even if they are an admission of guilt…I mean, better than jail, right?

Congressional Republicans Get Dickish Over Congressional Dicks

It’s no longer enough to have adult monitors checking the genitalia of children (not literally, although maybe? It’s only Tuesday!) to prevent kids from using the wrong school bathroom. Now, with the first transgender member of Congress about to take a seat that Jesus doesn’t want her to take because her penis will touch it, Republicans are elevating their genitalia-monitoring ambitions.

Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) yesterday introduced a bill to bar members and staffers from “using single-sex facilities other than those corresponding to their biological sex."

The bill is clearly aimed at Representative-elect Sarah McBride (D-DE), who is transgender. If passed, Mace’s bill will mean that Capitol Hill visitors will see someone with long hair and a dress freely using the men’s room, thus liberating the nation from restrictive gender norms.

TCB

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Go get ‘em, kids.

1. That’s a 2018-2020 estimate.

2. We’ll get to the humanitarian impact when the videos start emerging, don’t you worry.