Sitemap - 2024 - The Fucking News

2024: The Year in Newsfucking

AUDIO: Sanders Calls Trump's Bluff

Sanders Calls Trump's Bluff

AUDIO: Trump Throws Small Biz Under Same Bus That’s Bringing in Big-Tech Workers

Trump Throws Small Biz Under Same Bus That’s Bringing in Big-Tech Workers

WTF Is TFN Doing?

AUDIO: Musk and Ramaswamy Get Woke, Attack American Workers

Musk and Ramaswamy Get Woke, Attack American Workers

AUDIO: Trump to Charge Taxpayers $86 Billion for Deportations

Trump to Charge Taxpayers $86 Billion for Deportations

Merry Fucking Christmas!

AUDIO: Christmas Miracle! — America Learns What "Tariff" Means

Christmas Miracle! — America Learns What "Tariff" Means

AUDIO: Trump Already Losing Wars Against GOP, Panama

Trump Already Losing Wars Against GOP, Panama

Just Shut the Fucking Oil Companies Alfuckingready

Congress Vetoes Presidents Musk, Trump

AUDIO: Musk Grabs Trump By His Johnson

Musk Grabs Trump By His Johnson

AUDIO: Musk Orders Trump to Order GOP to Order Shutdown

Musk Orders Trump to Order GOP to Order Shutdown

AUDIO: Okay, But…Who Exactly Was Luigi Mangione Terrorizing?

Okay, But…Who Exactly Was Luigi Mangione Terrorizing?

AUDIO: America Now Partially Immunized Against RFK, Jr.

Did Dems Press AOC to Sell Out? (And Did She?)

America Now Partially Immunized Against RFK, Jr.

AUDIO: Corporate Overlords Revealed as Giant Surrender Monkeys

Corporate Overlords Revealed as Giant Surrender Monkeys

Promises Broken — A Running Tally

AUDIO: UnitedHealth CEO Issues New Policy of Please Don’t Kill Me

UnitedHealth CEO Issues New Policy of Please Don’t Kill Me

Democrats Are Debating Right Now What The Party's Going To Be

AUDIO: From Hell's Heart, Manchin and Sinema Stab at Thee

From Hell's Heart, Manchin and Sinema Stab at Thee

AUDIO: Cops Fear Mangione Will Inspire Copycats Because Duh

Cops Fear Mangione Will Inspire Copycats Because Duh

AUDIO: GOP to Hegseth Accusers: Speak Out So We Can Crush You

GOP to Hegseth Accusers: Speak Out So We Can Crush You

Luigi Mangione's Valedictory Speech

AUDIO: Healther Skelter

Healther Skelter

Conscientious Objectors Won't Help Find Him

AUDIO: Insurance Execs Are Changing...Their Shorts

Insurance Execs Are Changing...Their Shorts

AUDIO: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Class War I

Dispatches from the Front Lines of Class War I

Insurance Slaying Sparks Search for 80 Million Suspects

AUDIO: Trump Skeptical of Trump's Nominations

Trump Skeptical of Trump's Nominations

AUDIO: Here Come the (Secular) Fighters

Here Come the (Secular) Fighters

Kash Patel Defended Palestinian Trying to Buy Arms for the West Bank

AUDIO: I Was Told Pardons Are Unifying

I Was Told Pardons Are Unifying

Trump's CDC Chief Is a (Covert) Christian Extremist

Does…Does Trump’s CDC Chief Believe That Viruses Evolve?

It Wasn't Fox That Made Transgender Issues an Issue

A House Divided Cannot Stand Mike Johnson

Psst: Trump Caved to Mexico

AUDIO: Sanders Draws a Red Line

Sanders Draws a Red Line

No, Jack Smith Didn’t Kill the Trump Case (He Saved It)

No, Jack Smith Didn’t Kill the Trump Case (He Saved It)

Biden Lock-Blocks Entire Trump Transition

Biden Lock-Blocks Entire Trump Transition

C'mon In, the Bubble's Fine!

The Media Are Ignoring Trump Nominees’ Christian Nationalism

Medical Miracle: Trump Can Now Hear ‘No’

Medical Miracle: Trump Can Now Hear ‘No’

Gaetz, Trump Defeated by Lone, Anonymous Woman

America Hates Filthy, Shitty-Ass Cabinet It Bought from “Funny” Salesman

America Hates Filthy, Shitty-Ass Cabinet It Bought from “Funny” Salesman

Why They're Really Gonna Kill the Department of Education

Fake Wizard Goes to Oz

Fake Wizard Goes to Oz

Here's Your Naked Transportation Secretary, America

Trump Vows to Use Military to Raise Food Prices

Trump Vows to Use Military to Raise Food Prices

FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, BIDEN — PARDON THEM ALL

Senate Republicans to Pledge Delta Tau

Senate Republicans to Pledge Delta Tau

This Train Carries Transgender People

RFK, Jr. To Reduce Number of Vaccine Skeptics

Look at WHERE Trump’s Sending in the Clowns

Look at WHERE Trump’s Sending in the Clowns

Trump Secretary of State Pick Is Part of Secret, Global Christian Network

Anchor to Steer Navy

Anchor to Steer Navy

Donald Trump and the Legion of Noem

Donald Trump and the Legion of Noem

Christian Assault on Women Leads To “Your Body, My Choice”

Trump Abandons Cats to Haitian Foodies

Trump Abandons Cats to Haitian Foodies

Just Kiss His Needy Ass Already

Democrats Are Picking a New Leader — Is Anyone Watching?

Trump Just Launched His First War — on Christmas

How Uber Drove Away Harris Voters

How Uber Drove Away Harris Voters

Trump Won on Identity Politics No One's* Talking About

Trump Won on Identity Politics No One's* Talking About

Now the Fuck What?

Now the Fuck What?

The Fucking News Fucking Election Guide

Trump Admits It's Not Rigged

Trump Admits It's Not Rigged

One Way Out

Trump Is Losing...It

Trump Is Losing...It

Well, Holy Fucking Shit — IOWA?!?

Kamala Harris Does NOT Need a Landslide

Kamala Harris Does NOT Need a Landslide

Trump Tells Women: He's on Top

Trump Tells Women: He's on Top

America Is an Idea

America Is an Idea

Bezos Just Wrote an Endorsement of Not Writing Endorsements

Hold Trump's Beer, Puerto Rico — Now They're Calling Harris a "C--t"

Hold Trump's Beer, Puerto Rico — Now They're Calling Harris a "C--t"

Trump Hosts Massive Harris Get-Out-the-Vote Rally

Trump Hosts Massive Harris Get-Out-the-Vote Rally

How Trump Fucked Over Georgia

Trump to PROVE He's Not a Nazi...with Giant Rally at MSG

Bring Back the Vibes!

Bring Back the Vibes!

Finally, a TRUE Story About Hurricane Survivors Getting Screwed

Finally, a TRUE Story About Hurricane Survivors Getting Screwed

McDonald’s Just Sold Us a Whopper; They’re Political as Hell

Even GOPers Tell Garland: Get Musk

Even GOPers Tell Garland: Get Musk

Immigrant BUSTED in Criminal Vote-Buying Scheme

Immigrant BUSTED in Criminal Vote-Buying Scheme

The (Nuclear) Bombshells Buried in Those Leaked Docs on Israel

New Report Cracks Mystery of Why Voters Trust Trump on the Economy

New Report Cracks Mystery of Why Voters Trust Trump on the Economy

Harris Does Hostile Interview, Changing Nothing Except How People See Bret Baier

Musk Invests $75 Million in Glitchy, Self-Driving Auto…crat

YOU Get a Car Loan! And YOU Get a Car Loan!

YOU Get a Car Loan! And YOU Get a Car Loan!

Party of Election Lies and Climate-Change Denial Shocked by Milton Misinformation

Party of Election Lies and Climate-Change Denial Shocked by Milton Misinformation

Scott Pushed FEMA to Let the Invisible Hand Handle Hurricanes

The Truth About The Trump-Putin Phone Calls

The Truth About The Trump-Putin Phone Calls

Milton Threatens to Deplete National Supply of Trump Lies

Milton Threatens to Deplete National Supply of Trump Lies

Johnson Throws Trump Under Bus at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Stop

Johnson Throws Trump Under Bus at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Stop

Trump Campaigns with Job-Destroying Undocumented Immigrant

MAGA FAFO TTFN ROFL

MAGA FAFO TTFN ROFL

The Insane Jack Smith Thing Everyone Missed

The Insane Jack Smith Thing Everyone Missed

Vance DESTROYED in Debate by Rival Donald Trump

Vance DESTROYED in Debate By Rival Donald Trump

Trump Makes Landfall with Category 5 Bullshit

Trump Makes Landfall with Category 5 Bullshit

The Coach vs. The Couch

Hurricane Helene Blows Trump's Mind

Musk Warns That Immigrants Will Do All the Things He Did

Ukraine CAN Be Saved...by JESUS!

Johnson Slams Zelenskyy for “Political” Visit Just Months After GOP Event in Kyiv

Haitians Call the Cops on Trump and Vance

Staff Abandon GOPer Over Old Comments Not as Bad as His New Ones

Known Loser and Quitter Says He'll Quit if He Loses

GOP Embraces Diversity with BLACK Nazi

Israel Rolls Out New Brand of Killer App

Trump and Vance Swatted an Entire City

Springfield Finally Names the ONE Person Not Welcome There

See Something, Spay Something

Ex-Trump Voter Attempts to Make Up for It

Republicans Are Eating Trump's Pet

Trump Will Repeat Iraq. Here.

Trump Finally Knows How 9/11 Felt

Open-Mic Night!

The Undeciders

George Bush IS Endorsing Trump, Actually

The Truth About McDonald's Jobs

Russia Funding the Far Right? Did Nazi That Coming!

Harris Unveiling More Policy for Media to Ignore

Trump Aborts Right-Wing Support in Campaign’s Third Trimester

Vance Disparaged Protestants in 2016 Interview

Harris Survives Dramatic Attempted Interview

War Breaks Out Between Whimsically Named Tech Giants

Vance Lies About His Lies

Don of the Dead

You Don't Have to Steal Elections If You Steal the Right to Vote

Is Harris Centrist or Progressive?

The Speech of Her Life

America, Re-Meet Kamala Harris

Joy Is a Policy Position

House GOP Drops Biden Impeachment Report (and Impeachment)

Coup Victim Gets Prime Speaking Slot

Vance Admitted Lying as an Adult

Harris vs. The High Cost of Things

Vance Recruits More Women for Anti-Vance Army

Trump and Musk Want to Have Freedom. (Yours.)

Here Comes Harris Policy

It Ain't Just Vibes

Vance Wrote that He Avoided “Significant” Combat

Trump News Conference Reveals Why No One Gives a Shit if Harris Talks to Media

Trump & Vance Throw Everything at the Walz … but Nothing’s Sticking

Wall-to-Wall Walz

Tim Walz’s Secret Weapon Is Intersectionality

Google Convicted of Stealing the Internet

Trump’s Ukrainian Allies Had Prayer Breakfast Ties

Garland Let Trump Skate on Egypt’s $10 Million

Russia Frees Americans Due to Fear of/Friendship with Trump

Trump Baffled by Basic Intersectionality

Trump Agrees: Harris’s Husband Is “A Crappy Jew”

NRA Decapitated after Failing to Think of Some Sort of Self-Defense Method

Dems Finally Crack the MAGA Cheat Code

Trump Donor Made the Rifle That Almost Killed Him

Trump Open-Minded on Attacking Harris’s Race, Gender

What Speaks Louder than Hating the Sounds of Women Laughing?

The Buttigieg Files

Open and Shut

Harris vs. Trump

Today We Are All Joe Biden

Trump Moves to Block Voting by Veterans, the Disabled, Small-Business Owners, Puppies

Democrats Fight for Truth and Democracy Against, Uh, Democrats

Things You Didn’t Know About J.D. Vance

We May Never Know

Trump Is Fine; How About the Rest of Us?

The GOP Wants You to Pay More on Your Loans

Alito, Thomas Impeachment Articles Filed

Democrats Panic Over Democratic Inaction on Biden Panic

Aging Democratic Establishment Forgets to Cover Left Flank

Schrödinger's Ballot Box

What We're Fighting For

Dems Appear Frail, Incoherent in Debate Debate

Trump Granted Historic Workplace Accommodations

Ruling Due Today on Presidents Ruling Absolutely

The Christian Right Just Reeled in Zelenskyy

Research Shows Coma Patients Capable of Presidenting Better Than Trump

Debate Proves Biden Unable to Run Country He Is Currently Running

America’s “Religious Freedom” Is Tying Ukraine’s Hands Against Russia

Supreme Court Signs Up for Corruption Gift Registry

The First Rule of Dem Debate Club Is...

Assange Is Free

The Right Is Trying to Steal the Election…from Trump

Trump Goes Soft on Immigrants Who Are Brainwashed by Academic Elites

Louisiana Inks Plum Distribution Deal with Fading but Omnipotent Self-Help Author

GOP Dumps Trump's Bump-Stock Ban

Biden Unveils Great Replacement Measures

Surgeon General Seeks Warning Labels for Social Media

Trump Outflanks Dems from the Left

GOP - IVF = RIP

Dems Launch Project 2025 Project in 2024

Alito Admits to Impeachable Theocratic Offense

GOPers Back Pro-Putin Churches in Ukraine

The Moral Calculus of Israel's Hostage Rescue

ATTN: Lefty Billionaires - Infowars Is Up for Sale!

GOP Says Lying to Congress Is a Crime If You Didn’t Already Do It to Become a Supreme Court Justice

Covert Israeli Disinfo Campaign Targeted Black Democrats

Biden Presses Netanyahu to Accept Netanyahu Peace Plan

Sheinbaum Wins

The Guilted Age

Fox Botches Reporting on Week-Old Trump Jury Instructions

Freedom Caucus Free to Eat Each Other

Closing Arguments Today as GOP Scrambles to Learn How Trials Work

EXCLUSIVE: Biden Is Blowing a Huge Chance to Fight Inflation

Out-of-Control Republicans Make Abortion Pills Controlled Substances

Trump Chickens Out

Prosecutor Asks Court for Warrants to Arrest Netanyahu and Hamas Leaders

National Crime Wave Exponentially Worse Than Reported

Greg Abbott's Vile Pardon of a Veteran's Murderer

Cohen Reveals What Trump Didn’t Know About Trump

Trump’s $1 Billion Bribe Request Matters Less Than What He'd Do for Free

Time to Make a Hamas Sandwich. With Turkey.

“I Said to Bibi, 'Don’t Make the Same Mistake That We Made in America'”

“Does Mr. Hefner Know You Stole His Pajamas?”

Christian Nationalism Just Got Whitewashed from the Ukraine Arms Deal

Biden to Address Antisemitism at Holocaust Remembrance

Methodist God Changes Mind on Same-Sex Marriage

"Order Must Prevail"

In Praise of Outside Agitators

Protests Fueled by Shitty Response to Protests

Immunity and Impunity

Fetterman Sits Out Debate Over Israel

High Court Hits New Low

America’s Mayor, White House Chief of Staff, RNC Official, State Party Chair Indicted

“Speaker Johnson Was Staying on His Knees”

Biden Condemns Antisemitic Protests, Says Nothing About Antigenocide Protests

Opening Arguments in Trump Voter-Deceiving Trial

Johnson’s Come-to-Jesus Moment Came The Same Day 'The Family' Came to Him

Netanyahu Scrambling to Avoid War-Crimes Warrants

Christian Right Rises to Save Ukraine as “Bible Belt” for Europe

Man Charged with Murder for Shooting Uber Driver

Christian Senator Urges Killing Peaceful Protesters

Israel So Far Not Launching End Times (in Which It Fares Poorly)

Dollar Store CEOs Fail at CEOing, Blame the Poors

Dems Drive Stake Through Gun-Show Loophole

Dying for U.S. Aid, Zelenskyy Agrees to an Ask from ‘The Family’

Trump Clarifies Clear Lack of Abortion Policy

On Abortion, Trump Splits the Baby

Israel Caves ... a Little

Welcome to the First AI War

World Leaders Intentionally Blast Netanyahu for “Unintentionally” Blasting Aid Workers

"The Family" Is Landing at Kennedy Space Center

DeSantis Teams Up with Dems to Get Revenge on GOP

Christian Congressman Has "Nagasaki and Hiroshima" Plan for Gaza

Bridge Collapse Snarls Supply Lines for Everything but Metaphors

Christian Nationalist Eyes Appropriations Chairmanship

How They're Already Smearing California's Fast-Food Minimum-Wage Hike

Democrat Wins in Alafuckingbama

Assange Victory May Be Last Gasp

GOP Reveals Only Person in America It Wants Ever to Retire

Johnson Invites Netanyahu to Give Pre-Rapture Address

Best Of...Part 2

My Kind of Journalism

How Democrats Screwed Up "Religious Freedom"

Not (Just) Age: The OTHER Reason Biden and Trump "Misspeak"

Aaron Rodgers Had History with anti-LGBTQ+ Groups

BREAKING: Mike Johnson Is Christian

March 13, 2024 - Let's SPLIT UP to Find Ukraine Aid!

March 12, 2024 - The Netanyahu Threat They're Not Telling Us About

March 11, 2024 - What No One's Telling You About Macy's

March 8, 2024 - Biden Cracks Laken Riley Case

March 7, 2024 - Biden's Message to America: I'm Not THAT Old!

March 6, 2024 - We just lost Katie Porter

Freethought Caucus Leaders Ride to Przybyla's Rescue

March 5, 2024 - It's Subpar Tuesday!

GOP's Top Mayorkas Investigator Is Benghazi Probe Alum

A Stephen Miller Immigration Aide Helped Impeach Mayorkas

Mayorkas Impeachment Staff Have Theocratic Ties

March 4, 2024 - Trump Ballot Ruling Expected Today

'The Family' Defies Pocan Request for Info

March 1, 2024 - Biden, Trump agree on threat of non-existent invasion

Feb. 29, 2024 - Supreme Court to rule on Trump immunity claim

Feb. 28, 2024 - IVF rights up for Senate vote today

Feb. 27, 2024 - GOP wants to raise taxes...in an election year!

Feb. 26, 2024 - Biden summons Johnson for shutdown summit

Feb. 23, 2024 - GOP tries to kill its own IVF attacks in the womb

Feb. 22, 2024 - GOP erases lying witness from its Biden impeachment bid

Feb. 21, 2024 - GOP's Biden lies were made in Russia

Feb. 20, 2024 - Last chance for Assange to escape extradition

One of America’s Most-Hated Jews Says We’re Getting Antisemitism Wrong

Feb. 16, 2024 - FBI says Hunter Biden informant lied, like, a lot

Feb. 15, 2024 - Kansas City shooting

Feb. 14, 2024 - Mayorkas impeached

Feb. 13, 2024 - Taylor Swift, Antichrist

Feb. 12, 2024 - GOPers buck Trump

Feb. 9, 2024 - Biden remembers, and don't you forget it

Feb. 8, 2024 - Trump case at Supreme Court today

Feb. 7, 2024 - Court rules no Trump immunity

Feb. 6, 2024 - Mayorkas impeachment vote today

Effing Housekeeping (feel free to ignore)

Feb. 1, 2024 - House sends pillaging bill to Senate

Prayer Breakfast Moves into Statuary Hall

Jan. 31, 2024 - Mayorkas impeachment passes committee

Pocan Takes On "The Family"

Jan. 30, 2024 - Illinois weighs bouncing Trump from ballot

LGBTQ+ Foe Joins Prayer Breakfast Board

Jan. 29, 2024 - Trucker convoy launches today

Jan. 26, 2024 - UN court orders Israel not to genocide

Jan. 25, 2024 - Bidenomics for the win

Bill Would Move Prayer Breakfast into Capitol Rotunda

Jan. 24, 2024 - Border deal ready to sneak through

Jan. 23, 2024 - New Trumpshire

We're back!